John Cena Answers the Web's Most Searched Questions

Hey everybody out there, this is John Cena.

I'm gonna be doing a Wired autocomplete.

Without further adieu, let's adieu this.

Okay, so here's how it works.

The question is who John Cena.

Who let John Cena fly the helicopter?

Whoever did, that was a poor management decision.

Who is John Cena's father?

This is where the plot thickens.

Are you ready for this?

Because I, John Cena, have a father named John Cena.

Little known internet fact, I'm not a junior.

I'll let you figure that one out.

Who is John Cena's team?

Well, that's a group of folks,

dressed like a band of minstrels

that travel the universe.

They play a song, it's very trumpet based.

It goes something like (imitating trumpet).

That's my team.

Who does John Cena look like?

I fancy that he looks like a character named John Cena

who is found often on WWE programming.

I think we have a striking resemblance.

I'll let you decide.

Who is John Cena wrestling?

Sometimes he's like this.

Sometimes he's like this.

And sometimes he's like this.

And sometimes he's like this.

And that's the four faces of John Cena wrestling.

Google autocomplete completed.

Next.

What John Cena.

Let's see what Google had to say about it.

What is John Cena's diet?

Good choices.

And folks, you out there know what good and bad choices are.

Like, well, tell me what those are.

Come on!

Overindulgence is the key to dietary ruin.

What are John Cena's shoes?

(grunting)

Sort of like a peanut butter style?

I had to really grease the ends of my toes

to get into these.

My feet are swollen and thumping.

What is John Cena's finishing move?

It usually is, are you okay?

And then I go get a sandwich and call my mom.

What is John Cena's horoscope?

In my future is a wonderful animated movie

called Ferdinand, which you're all gonna go see.

I know horoscopes are usually general.

This one's very specific, and I wonder why.

Go see Ferdinand.

What is John Cena hometown?

I hail from the mean street of West Newbury, Massachusetts,

and if you've ever been to West Newbury,

you know what I'm talking about.

There's two streets, there's Main Street

and Maple Street.

There's a dump in West Newbury.

And it's on Maple Street.

So you wanna stay on Main Street.

Wired autocomplete, next phase of Google.

What John Cena.

What does John Cena look like?

Well, he is a man with a deformed human face.

What was John Cena's longest title reign?

Well, I've been the champ of being stupid for

40 years.

Let me see.

What if John Cena played Minecraft?

Well, I would build worlds.

That's what would happen if I played Minecraft.

What did John Cena play in football?

Well, that answer's simple, football.

It's a sport that all players play, all those positions.

I think the question should be what position

did John Cena play in football?

So I will answer this question.

Football.

What is the John Cena potato salad joke?

There is a small, large, group of folks out there

who think that I'm rather bland.

Kind of like potato salad.

It's bland.

It's something you sit down at a barbecue

for the sake of having another food.

I guess it's better to be called potato salad

than a steaming heap of bull.

So what are you gonna do?

Next, more does John Cena, so these are four answers

from the Google machine of does John Cena.

Does John Cena still wrestle in 2017?

Well, these are the final days of 2017.

So, yes.

Yes.

Next, does John Cena sing his own theme song?

Yes, I wrote and produced and created a theme song.

♪ Your time is up, my time is now ♪

♪ It's the franchise, boy, I'm shining now ♪

♪ Can't see me, my time is ♪

♪ In case you forgot or fell off ♪

♪ I'm still hot, knock your shell off ♪

You know the rest.

Does John Cena do cardio?

Cardio is an exercise that increases your heart rate.

So yes.

Two and a half minutes at a time, I do cardio.

Does John Cena have a YouTube channel?

There are channels on YouTube where you can see John Cena.

But there is no specific John Cena YouTube channel.

Top searches of do bulls.

First one, do bulls have udders?

I would speculate that they do,

because I have nipples.

Do bulls hate red?

I think they hate agitation.

I don't think it's a color thing.

So I think they hate agitation.

Do bulls moo?

Yes.

It sounds like this.

(mooing)

Do bulls qualify for bonus depreciation?

We all know about this, I'm not gonna bore you

with commodities class.

But, sadly enough, I do think that bulls qualify

for bonus depreciation.

Do bulls wear bells?

A bell-wearing bull is a belly laugh.

It's boisterous and beautiful.

You should take a bespoke bull with a bell.

Do bulls eat apples?

Yes they do.

I'd like to think they eat anything.

Lot of grain-based snacks.

Some sort of grass.

But I think apples should and could be in their diet.

Wired autocomplete, next phase.

Where is John Cena's.

Where is John Cena's house?

Well, home is where the heart is, guys.

And right now, my heart's with you.

So if you're out there listening, welcome home.

It's been a wonderful journey and I'm glad you're back.

You wanna make yourself a sandwich,

I'll turn reruns of your favorite program on.

Okay, great.

No problem.

And put the toilet seat down.

Where is John Cena right now?

I kind of already answered that question,

and we'll go to the next one.

Thank you.

Where is John Cena's gym?

I dunno.

That way.

Where is John Cena from?

We've already addressed this, guys, I'm from my mom.

That's how creation is made.

Where is John Cena's family from?

Essentially, my family is from a long line of people

that produced people.

And that's how we became to be.

This is John Cena for a Wired autocomplete session.

Adios.