Dana Carvey Answers the Web’s Most Searched Questions

Hi, I'm Dana Carvey and I'm about to do

the Google autocorrect interview.

(bell dings)

(funky music)

You may be asking yourself why am I doing this?

It's a form of torture.

First one.

Dana Carvey is married.

That's true.

Been married for 34 years.

Got married in high school.

It's a pretty good marriage,

but even in the best marriage,

even in the best marriage,

at one point you look at your spouse

and think,

not my best choice.

Dana Carvey is from.

Dana Carvey's in Iron Man 2.

Yes, I was the Mickey Rourke character

with the big lightening bolt slashing thing.

That was me.

You know, it was a good thing.

I was not in Iron Man 2, but I take a daily iron supplement.

Dana Carvey is Hanz or Franz.

I am Hanz and if you don't know the difference,

believe me, your buttocks are soft like marshmallows.

You're lucky I don't have a campfire here.

Dana Carvey is on Twitter.

Unfortunately, yes I am.

My Irish cousin got me on it

'cause I just wanted to know what it was

and so he says, it's only polite.

You should follow anyone who follows you.

So I'm literally following, I think,

around 70,000 people.

Dana Carvey in State Farm commercial.

Yes, that was Hanz and Franz for State Farm.

Can you say cha ching?

It was fun to hang out with Aaron Rodgers,

the great football player, you know.

You could say stuff to him like,

you're a little flabby girly man.

You better not undo your belt,

it might cause a flabalanche.

Dana Carvey is Canadian.

I get this a lot because of Jim Carrey and Mike Myers.

I'm actually a Montanian.

I was born about, I guess, about 100 miles from Canada.

But I like the Canadians.

They're docile and sweet.

A big night for a Canadian is to stand on the border

between Canada and America with a Molson's and go,

wanna see a felony?

Steps over, steps back.

Living high now.

How old is Dana Carvey?

Should I say or make you Google it?

I would say Google it.

Get off your ass and use the freakin' web.

How sexy is Dana Carvey?

No, alright, how old was Dana Carvey in Wayne's World?

The first one I was 36

and the second one I was 38.

I never thought I was playing younger.

I just thought Garth was 38,

but in the second one,

Mike puts in a line, he says,

And Garth finally got pubes.

So I said to Mike, Really, seriously?

How much is Dana Carvey worth?

That's another one you've got to Google.

Now, celebrity net worth, all those sites,

are they accurate?

I don't know, I don't know.

I'll leave that to you.

Let's just say I'm not hurting.

How long has Dana Carvey been married?

A long time, you know.

My wife is a knockout.

I married up, for sure.

It's amazing that anyone would find this

aging carcass attractive.

Hold your applause.

And this is the final.

How much to book Dana Carvey?

Basically, here's a way to express it.

Microsoft asked me to do the Church Lady

with Bill Gates at one of their big conventions.

And I said no, I don't sell out the Church Lady.

And then they told me how much they were going to pay me

and I said I'll get the bitch's dress on right now.

Is SNL funny?

Yes.

The last thing in life you want to be

is one of these grumpy old men in show business

who's like, it was always better before.

It's an impossible show to do.

Cut them some slack.

But my friend Lorne Michaels once said,

You know, the show doesn't go on

because it's ready to go on.

It's because it's like 11:30.

Is SNL filmed live?

No, it's taped in a two week period

right around Christmas.

Yes, it is filmed live

and if you don't know that it's live,

you need help.

Is SNL funny anymore?

Didn't we get that once somewhere?

Yes, it is.

It's very, very funny.

Is SNL finished?

Well, you can see how these questions

kind of interweave a little bit.

Yes, it's funny and it's not finished.

Where did Dana Carvey grow up?

I was born in Missoula, lived there 'til I was about five

and then I grew up in San Carlos,

which is on the peninsula south of San Francisco.

Where did Dana Carvey go?

I took 15 years off to raise my sons

'cause I didn't want to be an absentee dad.

True story, there's a New York actor

who was doing so many movies

and his kid was raised by a British nanny

that when he would call home it'd be like,

hey, this is Johnny Stopanado,

is Johnny Stopanado Junior there?

Hello, Daddy, it's your son, Johnny Stopanado Junior.

So, I wanted to avoid that.

Where is Dana Carvey performing?

Everywhere.

I just signed a secret contract to play in Las Vegas.

Where is Dana Carvey now?

In a chair on the 97th floor in a skyscraper in LA.

Seismic much?

Yeah, nice shiny.

No, it's great.

I like being in, you know, a place with

a tendency for seismic activity, you know.

Where did Dana Carvey go to high school?

I went to Carlmont High School in San Carlos, California

and I was just a shy, introverted kid.

I never took theater.

Hi, my name's Dana Carvey

and that was my Autocomplete Interview.

And now tell your husband or wife that you love them.