Jack Whitehall Answers the Web's Most Searched Questions

Hello, I'm Jack Whitehall,

and this is the WIRED Autocomplete Interview.

I find that I probably shouldn't Google myself

as much as I do, but I can't stop picking the scab.

Who does Jack Whitehall look like?

I'll tell you the worst one I've ever had

for someone coming up and asking me.

I was in a pub and a man came up to me

whilst I was talking to other people in public,

tapped me on the shoulder,

and he went, Mate, do you know who you look like?

I was like, Oh, I've been recognized.

Who do I look like?

You look like a fat Jack Whitehall.

That's probably the worst.

When I got recognized as a fat version of myself.

Very distressing.

Who inspires, oh, I thought there was another one there.

Who inspires Jack Whitehall?

I'll tell you what, someone I've just been fortunate enough

to share the screen with on Clifford the Big Red Dog,

John Cleese, my comedy hero.

I got to meet and work with John.

He actually came to watch me do a gig as well.

I did new material.

I didn't actually do new material.

I was gonna do new material.

And then he was like, Can I come to the gig?

And sat at the back,

but unfortunately he's like six foot eight.

So all I could see was him looking at me.

And I was like, I'm not trying new jokes.

I'm doing the best jokes I've ever written.

And he laughed.

And it made all of my dreams come true.

Who did Jack Whitehall go to school with?

It's something I've complained about a lot.

That when my school is written about in the newspapers,

they always mention all the other people that went there,

Tom Hiddleston, Emma Watson, Robert Pattinson.

Never me.

And I used to complain about that and say,

What do I have to achieve to be mentioned

in the same breath as those people

when they're writing about my school?

Why am I their dirty little secret?

And I said that on interviews, I said it on podcasts,

I said it on radio shows.

You have to be careful what you wish for.

Six months ago,

there was a story about my school in the newspaper.

One of the teachers had been found

with inappropriate pornography on his laptop

and had been arrested.

And the headline in the newspaper was

Teacher At Jack Whitehall's Former School Canned,

and a picture of me.

I'd never even met this guy.

He wasn't a teacher when I was there,

but it was a picture of me and then this pervert,

and no mention of the others then.

Where's Emma Watson now?

Nowhere near the article.

Just all about me.

Jack Whitehall's teacher, he wasn't my teacher.

It's literally just a picture of me

and a picture of him like I was his muse.

[laughter off-camera]

Who is Jack Whitehall's, who is, oh,

who is Jack Whitehall isolating with?

Well, no one now.

That would be weird if I was still isolating.

Lockdown's over.

Do you think there are people that are still doing that,

trying to convince the person that they're with?

Yeah, like, just don't turn on the news,

but it's still going.

We're still in the lockdown.

Making sure they don't leave. That's kidnap.

I was isolating with my girlfriend

and my brother and his girlfriend,

all of us in the same house.

Quite intense.

Just spent most of the time watching Come Dine With Me

and The Great British Bake-Off.

How are Jack Whitehall's parents?

I think they've outstayed their welcome.

In terms of them being in the public eye.

I don't wish, you know, I don't,

that sounded quite morbid,

but they're there for all the world to see.

How to draw Jack Whitehall.

I was once drawn at school naked, not by the teacher.

No, not, by a friend.

It was a friend of mine at school.

Not one of the famous people that I just mentioned.

Just my mate, Freddie.

I've said his name, probably should've made up one.

He once drew me naked for an art project

'cause he wanted to draw his girlfriend naked,

and he felt like he wouldn't be able to do that legitimately

as an art project unless he drew a man as well.

And he asked me to do it.

So I was like, well,

I guess I'll have to, you know, help my friend out.

It's a bit weird now saying it out loud.

Anyway, he then drew me,

but hadn't got permission from the head of art

who then turned up, because he did it in the art school,

and he walked in on me and Freddie.

And it was like a scene from Titanic.

Freddie got in a lot of trouble

and never ended up drawing his girlfriend.

So he just drew me naked.

And there's that,

that picture is out there in the world somewhere.

That's the picture that could probably bring me down.

It was very cold as well that day in the art block.

It was frosty, not just between us,

but the temperature was cold.

How posh is Jack Whitehall?

I'd say pretty posh, but not,

'cause there's like different echelons of posh

when you actually get into it.

I'm not like an aristo.

You know, I'm not,

you know, eating swan and marrying my sister.

I'm like one down from that.

So I'd say within posh,

I'm not actually as posh as maybe I sound,

but obviously compared to most people, I'm pretty posh.

How did Jack Whitehall prepare for Clifford?

I read the books, read all of them.

Really like studied the text.

Working with a CGI dog came with its challenges.

Most days it was two men in a puppet operating Clifford.

But for some of the other scenes,

it was just body parts of Clifford that we used.

So there was a man from the props department

who would have his head in a big rubber tongue

that he would then dip in a bucket of gloop

and then like lick people with, I mean, in the scene.

That wasn't just, he wasn't doing that for sort

of hi-jinks on set.

There was a scene where I'm holding onto Clifford's tail.

And that was two people holding a tail.

And probably most distressingly,

we had to interact with Clifford and just Clifford's head.

And that was a guy from the props department

holding, I mean, there's no other way to say it,

like, Clifford's dismembered head on a pike.

What is Jack Whitehall's job?

I don't want to say triple threat.

'Cause that sounds a bit arrogant,

but I am technically a triple threat.

Because I'm an actor, a writer and a comedian.

Jack of all trades, as they say.

And a master of none.

What nationality is Jack Whitehall?

British.

As British as fish and chips.

Crumpets.

Terrible dentistry.

That's me.

What team does Jack Whitehall play for?

Oh no. Support?

I support Arsenal.

That's my soccer team.

Ooh, even saying that out loud feels weird.

Football team.

Because, remember, second one, British.

What is Jack Whitehall doing these days?

Talking about Clifford the Big Red Dog.

Sharing the love. Big love.

Hashtag big love.

That's what I've been doing, loving big.

I know no other way to love.

My love is boundless.

It's huge. Enormous.

It feels really bad that I've somehow sort of managed

to make that really sweet hashtag a bit sexual.

It's a children's film.

But it's hashtag big love.

What did Jack Whitehall say about Niall Horan?

Something silly and innocuous,

about him being in being in Harry Styles's shadow,

but I don't really believe that.

Enough said about Niall.

Let's leave him alone.

Hasn't he suffered enough?

See then again, that sounded really backhanded.

I didn't mean it to sound backhanded.

Does Jack Whitehall wear glasses?

I did wear glasses.

I'm blind as a bat, but now I wear contact lenses.

'Cause I don't want anything getting in the way

of these baby blues.

But yeah, I'm really quite blind.

Does Jack Whitehall have tattoos?

I have thug life across my shoulder blades

and then snitches live in ditches on my left buttock.

Yeah, I probably wouldn't start with those tattoos

if I was gonna get a tattoo.

I might, yeah, I might get a tattoo.

Maybe I should get Clifford.

I could get big love tattooed.

[Jack laughs]

I wonder where.

Does Jack Whitehall call his dad daddy?

I do call my dad daddy, and I hate myself for it.

It's so cringe and I catch myself doing it

and I try to stop myself.

It's either that or sir.

And I think daddy's mildly better.

But yeah, I wish I didn't call him daddy.

Does Jack Whitehall have webbed feet?

No, but my mom does.

She's probably not over the moon

that I'm sharing that with the world.

Maybe it's something that I'll develop, a webbed foot

like my mum.

Why Jack Whitehall.

Why Jack Whitehall can't drive?

Some are born to drive.

Others are born to be driven.

And also I just kept failing

'cause I was trying to learn on a manual.

But yeah, I probably should learn to drive.

Although, I like to think that I'm doing my bit

for the environment.

Why can't Jack Whitehall drive?

Because Jack Whitehall wants his grandchildren

to know what a polar bear is.

Why does Jack Whitehall.

Why does Jack Whitehall dad carry a doll?

I mean really good question.

Why does he carry a doll?

Got given this weird freaky little [beep]

in Thailand, a Luk Thep doll,

which is meant to be good luck charm

that you take on your travels.

Anyway, he now treats it like a real child.

Dresses the little doll up in little suits,

goes and buys clothes for this doll,

has even given the doll hand-me-downs,

like my baby clothes that he dresses

this weird little doll up in.

He takes it everywhere.

To events, family functions.

I had to genuinely have a conversation

when one of my best friends called me up and said, Look,

I know you and your family are coming to my wedding.

Can you please ask them not to bring the doll?

Because I want the day to be about my wife

and not this weird little doll that your dad carries around.

It's so strange.

Why is Jack Whitehall famous?

From a very early age,

he just really craved attention.

I think that's probably why it all started.

Being a cloying, ambitious, ruthless attention seeker.

That's why I hate the doll,

stealing my limelight.

Is Jack Whitehall.

Is Jack Whitehall real?

Yes. Here.

Physical. I do exist.

Is Jack Whitehall returning to A League of Their Own?

Depends what the money is.

No, I'm not.

Left for other reasons.

Is Jack Whitehall friends with Rob Pattinson.

I mean, not friends,

but like we bump into each other every now and again.

And I have a lot of respect for him.

Possibly not respect that's reciprocated.

'Cause I used to trash talk him,

but guy's done good.

Is Jack Whitehall the Blob?

What on earth does that mean?

Mr. Blobby?

He was like,

I guess a man in a big puppet suit

who made this really weird noise.

It was like children's entertainment.

But like, I think when you look back on it as an adult,

deeply sinister, and I was quite scared of him.

Is Jack Whitehall allergic to chlorine?

I'm not allergic to chlorine.

But I played a character on Bad Education, my TV sitcom,

who was allergic to chlorine.

So I can see where the confusion has occurred.

Life and art merging.

Wasn't really art, that show.

Just three seasons of dick jokes.

Can Jack Whitehall.

Can Jack Whitehall play the saxophone?

I can't play the saxophone.

Although I have air saxed.

That sounds dodgy.

I have pretended to play the saxophone with Epic Sax Guy

of the Sunstroke Project who are legends

of the Eurovision Song Contest.

And I performed on stage with them in Moldova,

and I pretended to play the saxophone,

but I, no sound was actually coming out.

Can Jack Whitehall fence?

Yes, I have fenced before.

Fencing with swords,

not putting up a fence in a garden.

I know my parry from my flunge.

Those are two little fencing terms

for the fencing buffs watching.

Can Jack Whitehall Irish dance?

I can't Irish dance.

I have Irish danced before on a TV show

and they cheated it by getting an actual Irish dancer

who they shot from the waist down

and I was shot from the waist up.

My experience of Irish dancing,

it's a lot easier from the waist up.

Literally, you just have to do that.

Like, anyone can do it.

Final board.

[Jack whistles]

Jack Whitehall.

Where did Jack Whitehall go in Thailand?

I went to Bangkok and Phuket.

It was wonderful.

I miss traveling to places

where there was a language barrier.

I always thought it would be harder to be in a country

with a language barrier.

And then realized when I traveled to America and Australia,

that actually, if you're traveling with my father,

it's much better if he is hidden behind,

preferably a very dense language barrier.

It's much easier to be in public with him

when people can't understand what he's saying,

how they're being insulted.

So that's why I love Thailand.

I felt safe there.

Was Jack Whitehall in Harry Potter?

Alas, I was not in Harry Potter.

I auditioned for Harry Potter.

I did not get the role.

But you know, I'm fine with that.

Robert Pattinson was in it.

But again, happy for him.

Who is Jack Whitehall's spirit animal?

My spirit animal is that big lover,

Clifford the Big Red Dog.

Actually not big lover, big love.

That's the hashtag.

Hashtag big love. Clifford.

Has Jack Whitehall done Shakespeare?

I have not.

But I suspect when the directors

of the Royal Shakespeare Company see Clifford

the Big Red Dog, they will be calling my agent forthwith

and asking me to get on the first plane to Stratford.

I shall play the Dane.

I shall go from playing with the Great Dane

to, he's not technically a Great Dane,

but he's a big red dog, to playing the Dane.

What Shakespeare would I actually like to do?

Probably Midsummer Night's Dream.

So if any directors are watching, you know where to find me.

What have I learnt about myself today?

I've learned that I do have aspirations to tread the boards

and do some Shakespeare.

No one's asked me that.

And it took this Autocomplete Interview with WIRED

to realize that I have those lofty aspirations.

Who knew that this would be the environment

that I realized that's my calling?

Thank you so much, WIRED.

And Google.

Other search engines are available.