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How To Be Everything: A Look At The Way We Give Advice

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Lauren Scott
Lauren Scott

From our first lines of code onward, we are bombarded with well-meaning advice on How To Tech Right. Often, this includes “owning your ignorance” and “squashing your ego” in order to embrace a learning mindset. But we also frequently tell people, particularly women and minorities in tech, to “own their expertise” and not be afraid to confidently stake their claim as a programmer. The fight between impostor & entitlement syndromes has left us with a confusing assortment of advice we dole out to beginners and vets alike: be humble but be confident, be a novice but an expert. So what can we do with this incongruity? Is there a way to find balance? Or do we need to rethink our guidance model altogether? In this talk, I’ll examine the impact our advice has on disadvantaged groups in tech and explore ways in which we can move the onus of change from the impacted individuals onto the community very large.

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@devdame HOW TO BE EVERYTHING: A Look At The Way We Give Advice
@devdame HI! I’M LAUREN SCOTT Software Engineer at Braintree RailsBridge Chicago Co-Leader Dev Bootcamp Grad @devdame devdame.com
@devdame Being a programmer is hard.
@devdame BUT PEOPLE ARE AWESOME supportive! caring! kind!
@devdame Own your ignorance! ❧
@devdame Own your expertise! ❧
@devdame SO, JUST BE EVERYTHING ‣ Be a novice and an expert! ‣ Be humble and confident! ‣ Be empty and full! WAIT WHAT HOW OH GOSH
@devdame This started as a talk about what to DO with this advice.
@devdame CLASH OF THE SYNDROMES Impostor Syndrome Entitlement Syndrome Belief that your successes are flukes Belief that your failures are flukes
@devdame WE’VE GOT PROBLEMS Number 1: We give specific advice generally
@devdame Number 2: Privilege factors into the way we view ourselves WE’VE GOT PROBLEMS
@devdame Number 3: Advice for the privileged is “default” WE’VE GOT PROBLEMS
@devdame Number 4: Disadvantaged groups are more frequently burdened with conflicting advice WE’VE GOT PROBLEMS
@devdame Number 5: We tell the oppressed to change because of problems fueled by the oppressor WE’VE GOT PROBLEMS
@devdame Number 6: It’s hard to separate personal shortcomings from biased and bigoted assumptions WE’VE GOT PROBLEMS
@devdame Number 7: When we treat the wrong problem, we miss out on opportunities WE’VE GOT PROBLEMS
@devdame when people assume we don’t know anything we are harmed by admitting we don’t know everything
@devdame when our confidence is called bitchiness and is treated like a problem it is painful to wield it
@devdame when we aren’t allowed to ask without being treated like we know nothing we miss out on learning
How To Be Everything: A Look At The Way We Give Advice
@devdame NO NOPING—LET’S GO CLOSER. time to do some research!
@devdame DISCLAIMER!!!! This is not a scientific study ❧
@devdame ‣ How often have you been told to “own your ignorance” or something similar? ‣ How often have you been told to “own your expertise” or something similar? ‣ Where have you heard this? ‣ Do you think these pieces of advice are helpful?
@devdame WHO TOOK THE SURVEY? ‣ 217 responses ‣ 135 women ‣ 70 men ‣ 5 non-binary people ‣ 22 people of color ‣ 32 LGBTQA people
@devdame Until I have more data, I’m mostly focusing on gender
@devdame HOW OFTEN HAVE YOU BEEN TOLD TO “OWN YOUR IGNORANCE”? 0 10.5 21 31.5 42 Women & Non-Binary People Never Once or twice Fairly often ALL THE TIME 0 6 12 18 24 Men
@devdame PERCENTAGE OF RESPONDENTS WHO REPORTED “FAIRLY OFTEN” OR “ALL THE TIME” Women: 46% Men: 46% Non-binary: 60% People of Color: 50% LGBTQA: 56%
@devdame HOW OFTEN HAVE YOU BEEN TOLD TO “OWN YOUR EXPERTISE”? 0 15 30 45 60 Women & Non-Binary People Never Once or twice Fairly often ALL THE TIME 0 6.5 13 19.5 26 Men
@devdame 37% of men who responded had never been told to own their expertise… …compared to 10% of women.
@devdame PERCENTAGE OF RESPONDENTS WHO REPORTED “FAIRLY OFTEN” OR “ALL THE TIME” Women: 53% Men: 28% Non-binary: 60% People of Color: 55% LGBTQA: 61%
@devdame DID WOMEN & MINORITIES HEAR THIS IN A DIVERSITY-FOCUSED ENVIRONMENT? Ignorance: 25% Expertise: 63% This includes spaces/events focused on women, people of color, and/or LGBTQA people.
@devdame DO YOU FIND THESE PIECES OF ADVICE HELPFUL? I analyzed each open-ended response: positive language negative language
@devdame DO YOU FIND THESE PIECES OF ADVICE HELPFUL? 36% 35% 29% 😀 😠 😕
@devdame DO YOU FIND THESE PIECES OF ADVICE HELPFUL? 56% 44% Women & Non-Binary Men 17% 83% 16% 84% 😀 😕 😠
@devdame Do you find these pieces of advice helpful?
@devdame “I would like for some of the men I work with to hear that own your ignorance bit.”
@devdame “Sometimes I feel like they don't understand what it is like to show weakness when you are proving yourself every day.”
@devdame “I usually receive backlash for demonstrating competence, even more so for actual expertise. I usually do it anyway. Best case scenario is that my suggestions are adopted but I don't get credit for them.”
@devdame “I have trouble enough as it is to "own my expertise" when I am not listened to on topics that I know well, and "owning my ignorance" would be detrimental and cause many on my team to take me even less seriously than they already do.”
@devdame “It feels like a Catch 22.”
@devdame “It seems like women are put in the impossible situation of having to simultaneously project confidence and humility.”
@devdame “Each side seems oblivious to the double bind many women are in.”
@devdame “I’m doing everything all wrong!”
How To Be Everything: A Look At The Way We Give Advice
How To Be Everything: A Look At The Way We Give Advice
@devdame “I feel like both pieces of advice annoyingly put the burden on the recipient, like your career is not going well because you are doing something wrong. When often, I think it is more likely that the person is not in a supportive environment.”
@devdame “There is an analogy here to rape culture. The burden shouldn't be on the victim.”
@devdame THE GIST OF IT ‣ There likely is a correlation between demographics and advice fatigue ‣ Regardless: people are pained and confused by this advice ‣ We are putting the burden on them
@devdame “It is easy to be confident in yourself and/or expose your ignorance when you feel safe, supported and encouraged. If it's hard to do that... maybe there's a reason you need to protect yourself.”
@devdame Why aren’t we better at this?
@devdame VICARIOUS GOAL SATIATION ‣ Watching others achieve goals makes us feel like WE achieved them ‣ So, we can relax! It’s done! ‣ We expect others will follow our advice ‣ So when we give advice, we follow it less “Practice What You Preach? Advice-Giving and Vicarious Goal Progress“ classic.marshall.usc.edu/assets/146/24403.pdf “Vicarious Goal Satiation” www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3630077/
@devdame I LIED. I AM GIVING MORE ADVICE.
@devdame TWO COURSES OF ACTION ‣ As writers say: show, don’t tell ‣ Seniority = influence ‣ Normalize honesty and openness 1. Show by example
@devdame “I need to see senior people admitting their ignorance and nothing bad happening to them.”
@devdame When established devs show what they don’t know, they give permission for everyone else to be more honest
@devdame TWO COURSES OF ACTION ‣ Don’t scoff if someone doesn’t know something ‣ Stop the language/framework/etc wars ‣ Be patient and trusting 2. Help change the culture
@devdame Remember: advice is good! but wield it thoughtfully
@devdame Thank you! ❧

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