The Four Loves Quotes

“Affection and Eros were too obviously connected with our nerves, too obviously shared with the brutes. You could feel these tugging at your guts and fluttering in your diaphragm. But in Friendship—in that luminous, tranquil, rational world of relationships freely chosen—you got away from all that. This alone, of all the loves, seemed to raise you to the level of gods or angels. But then came Romanticism and "tearful comedy" and the "return to nature" and the exaltation of Sentiment; and in their train all that great wallow of emotion which, though often criticised, has lasted ever since. Finally, the exaltation of instinct, the dark gods in the blood; whose hierophants may be incapable of male friendship. Under this new dispensation all that had once commended this love now began to work against it. It had not tearful smiles and keepsakes and baby-talk enough to please the sentimentalists. There was not blood and guts enough about it to attract the primitivists. It looked thin and etiolated; a sort of vegetarian substitute for the more organic loves.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“En la amistad creemos haber elegido a nuestros iguales, y en realidad cualquier casualidad podría habernos mantenido separados. Pero para un cristiano, estrictamente hablando, no hay casualidades. Un secreto Maestro de Ceremonias ha entrado en acción. Cristo, que dijo a sus discípulos: «Vosotros no me habéis elegido a Mí, sino que Yo os elegí a vosotros», puede realmente decir a cada grupo de amigos cristianos: «Vosotros no os habéis elegido unos a otros, sino que Yo os he elegido a unos para otros». La amistad no es una recompensa por nuestra capacidad de elegir y por nuestro buen gusto de encontrarnos unos a otros, es el instrumento mediante el cual Dios revela a cada uno las bellezas de todos los demás. Como todas las bellezas, estas proceden de Él. En este festín es Él quien ha preparado la mesa y elegido a los invitados. Es Él, nos atrevemos a esperar, quien a veces preside, y siempre tendría que poder hacerlo. No somos nada sin nuestro Huésped.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“There is indeed a peculiar charm, both in friendship and in Eros, about those moments when Appreciative love lies, as it were, curled up asleep, and the mere ease and ordinariness of the relationship (free as solitude, yet neither is alone) wraps us round. No need to talk. No need to make love. No needs at all except perhaps to stir the fire.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“In friendship, we think we have chosen our peers [...] but for a Christian there are, strictly speaking, no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, “Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,” can truly say to every group of Christian friends, “Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.”

Friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“Affection and Eros were too obviously connected with our nerves, too obviously shared with the brutes. You could feel these tugging at your guts and fluttering in your diaphragm. But in Friendship—in that luminous, tranquil, rational world of relationships freely chosen—you got away from all that. This alone, of all the loves, seemed to raise you to the level of gods or angels. But then came Romanticism and "tearful comedy" and the "return to nature" and the exaltation of Sentiment; and in their train all that great wallow of emotion which, though often criticised, has lasted ever since. Finally, the exaltation of instinct, the dark gods in the blood; whose hierophants may be incapable of male friendship. Under this new dispensation all that had once commended this love now began to work against it. It had not tearful smiles and keepsakes and baby-talk enough to please the sentimentalists. There was not blood and guts enough about it to attract the primitivists. It looked thin and etiolated; a sort of vegetarian substitute for the more organic loves.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“We need others physically, emotionally, intellectually; we need them if we are to know anything, even ourselves. I was looking forward to writing some fairly easy”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“If ever the book which I am not going to write is written it must be the full confession by Christendom of Christendom’s specific contribution to the sum of human cruelty and treachery.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“We may give our human loves the unconditional allegiance which we owe only to God. Then they become gods: then they become demons. Then they will destroy us, and also destroy themselves. For natural loves that are allowed to become gods do not remain loves. They are still called so, but can become in fact complicated forms of hatred.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“If we cannot 'practice the presence of God', it is something to practice the absence of God, to become increasingly aware of our unawareness till we feel like men who should stand beside a great cataract and hear no noise, or like a man in a story who looks in a mirror and finds no face there, or a man in a dream who stretches out his hand to visible objects and gets no sensation of touch. To know that one is dreaming is to be no longer perfectly asleep.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“El afecto, ya lo dije, no se da importancia. La caridad —decía san Pablo— no es engreída. El afecto puede amar lo que no es atractivo: Dios y sus santos aman lo que no es amable. El afecto «no espera demasiado», hace la vista gorda ante los errores ajenos, se rehace fácilmente después de una pelea, como la caridad sufre pacientemente, y es bondadoso y perdona. El afecto nos descubre el bien que podríamos no haber visto o que, sin él, podríamos no haber apreciado. Lo mismo hace la santa humildad. Pero si nos detuviéramos sólo en estas semejanzas, podríamos llegar a creer que este afecto no es simplemente uno de los amores naturales sino el Amor en sí mismo, obrando en nuestros corazones humanos y cumpliendo su ley. ¿Tendrían razón entonces los novelistas ingleses de la época victoriana, al decir que es suficiente este tipo de amor? ¿Son «los afectos caseros», cuando están en su mejor momento y en su desarrollo más pleno, lo mismo que la vida cristiana? La respuesta a estas preguntas, lo sé con seguridad, es decididamente No. No digo solamente que esos novelistas escribieron a veces como si nunca hubieran conocido ese texto evangélico sobre el «odiar» a la esposa y a la madre y aun la propia vida —aunque, por supuesto, sea así—, sino que la enemistad entre los amores naturales y el amor de Dios es algo que un cristiano procura no olvidar. Dios es el gran Rival, que en cualquier momento me puede robar —al menos a mí me parece un robo— el corazón de mi esposa, de mi marido o de mi hija.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“Las personas que son de suyo difíciles de amar, su continua exigencia de ser amadas, como si fuera un derecho, su manifiesta conciencia de ser objeto de un trato injusto, sus reproches, sea con estridentes gritos o con quejas solamente implícitas en cada mirada o en cada gesto de resentida autocompasión, provocan en nosotros un sentimiento de culpa —esa es su intención— por una falta que no podíamos evitar y que no podemos dejar de cometer.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“El afecto produce felicidad si hay, y solamente si hay, sentido común, el dar y recibir mutuos —ese tira y afloja—, y «honestidad»; en otras palabras: sólo si se añade algo más que el mero afecto, algo distinto del afecto, pues el sentimiento solo no es suficiente. Se necesita «sentido común», es decir, razón; se necesita «tira y afloja», esto es, se necesita justicia que continuamente estimule al afecto cuando este decae, y en cambio lo restrinja cuando olvida o va contra el «arte» de amar; se necesita «honestidad», y no hay por qué ocultar que esto significa bondad, paciencia, abnegación, humildad, y la intervención continua de una clase de amor mucho más alta, amor que el afecto en sí mismo considerado nunca podrá llegar a ser. Aquí está toda la cuestión: si tratamos de vivir sólo de afecto, el afecto «nos hará daño».”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“En la amistad —en ese mundo luminoso, tranquilo, racional de las relaciones libremente elegidas— uno se aleja del sistema nervioso y lo animal. De entre todos los amores, ese es el único que parece elevarnos al nivel de los dioses y de los ángeles.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“La amistad debe estar llena de admiración mutua, de amor de apreciación. Necesario será recordarla: sentiremos que somos nosotros mismos —nosotros cuatro o cinco— quienes nos hemos elegido unos a otros; al percibir cada uno la belleza interior de los demás, todos iguales, y formando así una nobleza voluntaria, creeremos que nosotros mismos nos hemos elevado por encima del resto de la humanidad gracias a nuestros propios poderes.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“The last thing we want is to make everywhere else just like our own home. It would not be home unless it were different.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“A true philosophy may sometimes validate an experience of nature; an experience of nature cannot validate a philosophy.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“De acuerdo con las líneas sugeridas por san Agustín, no hay escapatoria. Ni tampoco de acuerdo con otras líneas. No hay inversión segura. Amar, de cualquier manera, es ser vulnerable. Basta con que amemos algo para que nuestro corazón, con seguridad, se retuerza, y posiblemente se rompa. Si uno quiere estar seguro de mantenerlo intacto, no debe dar su corazón a nadie, ni siquiera a un animal. Hay que rodearlo cuidadosamente de caprichos y de pequeños lujos; evitar todo compromiso; guardarlo a buen recaudo bajo llave en el cofre o en el ataúd de nuestro egoísmo. Pero en ese cofre —seguro, oscuro, inmóvil, sin aire— cambiará, no se romperá, se volverá irrompible, impenetrable, irredimible. La alternativa de la tragedia, o al menos del riesgo de la tragedia, es la condenación. El único sitio, aparte del Cielo, donde se puede estar perfectamente a salvo de todos los peligros y perturbaciones del amor es el Infierno.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“The first hint that anyone is offering us the highest love of all is a terrible shock. This is so well recognised that spiteful people will pretend to be loving us with Charity precisely because they know that it will wound us. To say to one who expects a renewal of Affection, Friendship, or Eros, ‘I forgive you as a Christian’ is merely a way of continuing the quarrel. Those who say it are of course lying. But the thing would not be falsely said in order to wound unless, if it were true, it would be wounding.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“It would be hard to find any legitimate point of view from which this feeling could be condemned. As the family offers us the first step beyond self-love, so this offers us the first step beyond family selfishness. Of course it is not pure charity; it involves love of our neighbours in the local, not of our Neighbour, in the Dominical, sense. But those who do not love the fellow-villagers or fellow-townsmen whom they have seen are not likely to have got very far towards loving ‘Man’ whom they have not. All natural affections, including this, can become rivals to spiritual love: but they can also be preparatory imitations of it, training (so to speak) of the spiritual muscles which Grace may later put to a higher service; as women nurse dolls in childhood and later nurse children.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“To the Ancients, Friendship seemed the happiest and most fully human of all loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“De todos los argumentos contra el amor, ninguno atrae tanto a mi naturaleza como «¡ Cuidado!, eso te puede hacer sufrir». A mi naturaleza, a mi temperamento, sí; pero no a mi conciencia. Cuando me dejo llevar por esa atracción me doy cuenta de que estoy a mil millas de Cristo.”
― C.S. Lewis, Los Cuatro Amores

“In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“St. John's saying that God is love has long been balanced in my mind against the remark of a modern author (M. Denis de Rougemont) that "love ceases to be a demon only when he ceases to be god"; which of course can be re-stated in the form "begins to be a demon the moment he begins to be a god." This balance seems to me an indispensable safeguard. If we ignore it the truth that God is love may slyly come to mean for us the converse, that love is God”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“Say your prayers in a garden early, ignoring steadfastly the dew, the birds, and the flowers, and you will come away overwhelmed by its freshness and joy; go there in order to be overwhelmed and, after a certain age, nine times out of ten nothing will happen to you.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“Nos acercaremos a Dios no con el intento de evitar los sufrimientos inherentes a todos los amores, sino aceptándolos y ofreciéndoselos a Él, arrojando lejos toda armadura defensiva. Si es necesario que nuestros corazones se rompan y si El elige el medio para que se rompan, que así sea.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“A man in love wants not a woman, but one particular woman.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“Just as there are none good but God, and nothing good but goodness, so there are no loves but love its self, the very love; and that what I call the other unnatural loves, are not loves at all in their own right but become so only so far as they participate in the very love.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“Every Christian would agree that a man’s spiritual health is exactly proportional to his love for God. But man’s love for God, from the very nature of the case, must always be very largely, and must often be entirely, a Need-love. This is obvious when we implore forgiveness for our sins or support in our tribulations. But in the long run it is perhaps even more apparent in our growing—for it ought to be growing—awareness that our whole being by its very nature is one vast need; incomplete, preparatory, empty yet cluttered, crying out for Him who can untie things that are now knotted together and tie up things that are still dangling loose.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“Friendship exhibits a glorious "nearness by resemblance" to Heaven itself where the very multitude of the blessed (which no man can number) increases the fruition which each has of God. For every soul, seeing Him in her own way, doubtless communicates that unique vision to all the rest. That, says an old author, is why the Seraphim in Isaiah's vision are crying "Holy, Holy, Holy" tO OTIC another (Isaiah VI, 3). The more we thus share the Heavenly Bread between US the more we shall all have.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“In Heaven there will be no anguish and no duty of turning away from our earthly Beloveds. First, because we shall have turned already; from the portraits to the Original, from the rivulets to the Fountain, from the creatures He made lovable to Love Himself. But secondly, because we shall find them all in Him. By loving Him more than them we shall love them more than we now do.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves