Witty Quotes

“Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.”
― Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay

“The literal meaning of life is whatever you're doing that prevents you from killing yourself.”
― Albert Camus

“Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs.”
― Oliver Goldsmith, She Stoops to Conquer

“Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy

“Shouldn't someone give a pep talk or something?' Minho asked...
"Go ahead," Newt replied.
Minho nodded and faced the crowd. 'Be careful,' he said dryly. 'Don't die.'
Thomas would have laughed if he could, but he was too scared for it to come out.
'Great. We're all bloody inspired,' Newt answered.”
― James Dashner, The Maze Runner

“The man is as useless as nipples on a breastplate.”
― George R.R. Martin, A Feast for Crows

“A pause followed my greeting. Then “We’re watching you ” whispered the voice on the other end.
“Yeah? Did you see what I did with my keys? ”
Silence. Then dial tone.
These younger demons. So easily discouraged.”
― Josh Lanyon, The Hell You Say

“Yes. Reyn is our resident horse master. He has an excellent seat."
I grinned. "I've noticed."
Reyn's face tightened and Nell flushed, looking embarrassed. "It's an equestrian term."
"Really? I thought you were talking about his ass.”
― Cate Tiernan, Immortal Beloved

“I’d heard you were dead.”
"I heard you wear a red lace corset,” I said matter-of-factly. “But I don’t believe every bit of nonsense that gets rumored about.”
― Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man’s Fear

“A technicality I'm prepared to hide wildly behind.”
― Jim Butcher, Storm Front

“Where did you see him?” Heidi asked.
“At the grocery store,” Mildred replied. “He was picking out a cantaloupe. Of course, I had to give him some tips. He was about to pick one that wasn’t anywhere near ripe.” The women tossed each other knowing looks.”
― Kirsten Fullmer, Problems at the Pub

“Monique bit at the side of lip. “He’s pretty active, I don’t want to impose…”
Tony stood and scooped up the puppy. “No, seriously, I’d love a little company.”
― Kirsten Fullmer, Problems at the Pub

“If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.”
― Amit Kalantri

“The poor man’s face twisted into a grimace and he pounded on the bar, protesting loudly. “Oh, you shush,” Kim demanded as she continued to knead his shoulders, jerking his whole body as she worked. “You’ll like this in a minute.”
― Kirsten Fullmer, Problems at the Pub

“This is the fast lane, folks...and some of us like it here.”
― Hunter S. Thompson, Kingdom of Fear: Loathsome Secrets of a Star-Crossed Child in the Final Days of the American Century

“The big question was, what all was this society up to? They’d certainly been in and out of his office, as well as accidently running into him all around town. Had he inadvertently missed what this group of ladies knew? And worse yet, had he given himself away?”
― Kirsten Fullmer, Problems at the Pub

“I am not shy about admitting my modest talents. For example, I am happy to admit that I am better than average at clever remarks, and I also have a flair for getting people to like me. But to be perfectly fair to myself, I am ever-ready to confess my shortcomings, too, and a quick round of soul-searching forced me to admit that I had never been any good at all at breathing water. As I hung there from the seat belt, dazed and watching the water pour in and swirl around my head, this began to seem like a very large character flaw.”
― Jeff Lindsay, Dearly Devoted Dexter

“You've known him how long?" Malcolm asked.
"Since he was a small boy. I firs noticed him when he slipped into Master Chubb's kitchen to steal some pies."
"So, what did you have to say to Will when you caught him stealing these pies?
"Oh, I didn't let on I was there. We rangers can be very unobtrusive when we choose. I remained out of sight and watched him. I thought he might have potential to be a ranger." Halt said.

Horace joined in "Why?"
Halt answered carefully. "Because he was excellent at moving from cover to cover. Chubb entered 3 times and never noticed him. So i thought that if he could acheive that with no training, he would make a good ranger."
"No" Horace spoke. "Thats not what I meant. Why were you hiding in the kitchen in the first place?"
"I told you. I was watching Will to see if he had the potential to be a ranger."
"Thats not what you said. You said that was the first time you noticed Will."
"Does it matter?"
"Not really. Were you hiding from chub yourself and Will just turned up by coincidence?"
"And why would I be hiding from master Chubb in his own kitchen?"
"Well, there were freshly made pies on the windowsill, and you like pies, don't you?"
"Are you acusing me of trying to steal those pies?!?!"
"No, of course not. I just thought i'd give you the opportunity to confess."

After a pause, Halt continued. "You know, Horace, you used to be a most agreeable young man. Whatever happened to you?"
"I've spent to much time around you, I suppose."

And Halt had to admit that was probably true.”
― John Flanagan

“Whenever I think of something but can't think of what it was I was thinking of, I can't stop thinking until I think I'm thinking of it again. I think I think too much.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy

“The problem with a life spent reading is you know too much.”
― Josh Lanyon, The Dickens with Love

“A person is wise if he listens to millions of advice and doesn't implement any of it.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson

“What the hell makes you smart?" I asked.
"I wouldn't go for coffee with you."
"Listen - I wouldn't ask you."
"That," she replied, "is what makes you stupid.”
― Erich Segal, Love Story

“One must have a heart of stone to read the death of little Nell without laughing.”
― Oscar Wilde

“When people are missing out in their choices and cannot make a distinction between cheery, witty, funny, filthy or scurrilous walks of life, they will have a hard time to inhabit a pleasing and enriching life; and to integrate into a world of understanding and recognition. ("Love lying fallow " )”
― Erik Pevernagie

“My father was incredibly indecisive. As an example, take his wedding day. He couldn't decide where to sit in the getaway car, decide the fact he was supposed to be driving.”
― John Bennardo, Just a Typo: The Cancellation of Celebrity Mo Riverlake

“-"He loved her...It was noble of him. It was beautiful."

-"It was stupid.”
― Lloyd Alexander, Westmark

“If you didn't already know, game show talent works fewer days a year than almost every profession, except maybe members of Congress.”
― John Bennardo, Just a Typo: The Cancellation of Celebrity Mo Riverlake

“So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I’m a great multitasker.”
― Holly Hood, Prison of Paradise

“I got the job as a Bingo host and did better than they imagined. Never before had they had an emcee so affable and funny, so enthusiastic to give away prizes, or so quick to make a tumor joke after calling out 'B-9'".”
― John Bennardo, Just a Typo: The Cancellation of Celebrity Mo Riverlake

“I wasn't used to guys making me blush, and I wasn't sure why he even was making me blush.”
― Holly Hood, Ink