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At the beginning of The Magician's Nephew, CS Lewis wrote:

In those days Mr. Sherlock Holmes was still living in Baker Street and the Bastables were looking for treasure in the Lewisham Road. In those days, if you were a boy you had to wear a stiff Eton collar every day, and schools were usually nastier than now.

Considering Mr. Lewis was a very good writer and a language professor, why would he use a comma there and not here? Shouldn't he have used a comma in both sentences, or left it out at all? (I've checked many editions and they all lack the first comma, and have the second.)

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No. He was telling you that he expected a slight intonation pause in the one with the comma, and not such in the one without the comma.

A skilled writer will on occasion use carefully placed optional commas to guide how the reader would speak it aloud so that he hears the sentence intoned in his mind, not solely out of some rote mechanical requirement to place or withhold a comma.

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    It's usually not (just) a pause but a change in pitch. At least when I say it, in the second sentence there's a drop in pitch on the word "days" that isn't present in the first.
    – alphabet
    Commented Jun 1 at 1:44
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    @alphabet Yes, that's right.
    – tchrist ♦
    Commented Jun 1 at 1:50
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    The comma marks the start of an if-clause parenthetical. What’s missing is the closing comma for that clause (after boy). In those days (if you were a boy) you had to wear a stiff Eton collar every day, and schools were usually nastier than now. --> In those days you had to wear a stiff Eton collar every day, and schools were usually nastier than now. Of course you’re free to deploy your commas anywhere you choose, but that’s between you and your editor...
    – Tinfoil Hat
    Commented Jun 1 at 1:58
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    I don't know if I am reading too much in that comma, but I also sense it as the author's playful way of indicating that the repetition of in those days is intentional.
    – fev
    Commented Jun 1 at 7:04
  • TinfoilHat thank you, now I see it. tchrist thank you as well.
    – jean-luc
    Commented Jun 3 at 3:11

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