Finding My Voice + Learning to Trust my Gut - from LeanIN Toronto Launch
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I gave this talk at the LeanIN Toronto Launch party on September 24 to a group of 300 amazing women. It is all about finding your voice and being yourself and not letting anyone else tell you otherwise.
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Finding My Voice + Learning to Trust my Gut - from LeanIN Toronto Launch
- 1. Finding Your Voice & learning to follow your gut by Tara Hunt @missrogue
- 2. Ignoring pressure to fit into someone else’s expectations.
- 3. Being your authentic self
- 4. this is not an easy task… @missrogue
- 5. “She just needs to work on her confidence.” – your mother, your eighth grade teacher, your first manager, your boyfriend… you name it.
- 6. on Confidence: “Scientists at Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory (CSHL) have found that confidence is actually a measureable quantity, and not reserved just for humans.” – 2014 Study on Confidence as it relates to the orbitofrontal cortex. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/09/140918121438.htm
- 7. where do you lie on this continuum? most confident ! decision 100% made ! least confident ! more information needed for decision !
- 8. there is nsoo m uschh mootrivtataiogn,e s o olitft lem timoet…ivation @missrogue
- 9. Daily Schedule (for a single woman): ! 5:30am - get to the gym!!! 6:30am - makeup/hair/perfect outfit 7:15am - make a good breakfast, clean up 7:30am - leave for the office, so I arrive earlier than my male colleagues 8:30am - shoot, I’m not the first one in…boss has already left a message 12:00pm - lunch at my desk… 8:00pm - okay, I’ll take the rest of this work home …it’s not safe to stay later. 9:00pm - shoot, I didn’t take anything out this morning to prepare for tonight 9:45pm - guiltily eating takeout while working, which means I need to workout even harder tomorrow 11:45pm - read email from parents that say they are upset that I don’t call more often. Too late now. 1:00am - tossing and turning with guilt-dreams.
- 10. There’s lots expected of us… • nails perfect • hair perfect • makeup done - but make it look like we aren’t wearing any! • well-dressed • super smart • stay fit • look amazing in a bikini • be pretty • eat healthy • be able to scarf down huge burgers • give 150% at work • MBA or other advanced degree • attentive daughter • good friend • excellent lover • responsible adult • well-read • up to date on all things in my career field • great mom • clean house • lots of interesting hobbies • be cool! • be confident • be humble • play sports • like sports • don’t be too into sports, though • be cultured • be up on the latest trends • keep it together • smile and be positive!
- 12. And we also have a few special rules… • don’t wear too much makeup • don’t walk alone at night • don’t wear provocative clothing • don’t date too many people • don’t not date people • don’t get emotional • don’t be too logical • don’t be aggressive • don’t be passive • don’t cuss and swear • don’t be a prude • don’t be too loud • don’t be too quiet • don’t talk back • don’t brag • don’t talk about your accomplishments • don’t take photos of yourself in sexy situations • be careful online…in fact, just take everything down because if you are using the web, you are just asking for someone to post your naked photos online • hell, if you put yourself out there in any way at all, you are pretty much just asking for trouble • oh…but remember, you are still expected to run the world and be better than your male counterparts.
- 13. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlNUIIyDA_w Jay Smooth @missrogue
- 15. “Confidence is not, as we once believed, just feeling good about yourself… ! “Confidence is a belief in one’s ability to succeed, a belief that stimulates action. In turn, taking action bolsters one’s belief in one’s ability to succeed. So confidence accumulates—through hard work, through success, and even through failure.” http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2014/04/the-confidence-gap/359815/
- 16. “Say no!” “Say yes!” “Speak up!” “Lean in!” “Stop apologizing!” “Don’t get emotional!” “Keep your head down!” “Buck up!” “You are your own worst enemy!”
- 17. Every single day there are hundreds of messages aimed at us, telling us that we are not trying hard enough, not achieving enough, not being enough. ! It’s so easy to lose our focus and certainty to self-doubt when so many around us - including our own families - question our paths. @missrogue
- 18. The best thing I ever did for my confidence was know this…
- 19. @missrogue
- 20. my map of mistakes + wins
- 21. Early team picture - riya.com
- 22. Mr. Arrington would come to regret this. ;)
- 23. Riya launch: Over 1 million photos uploaded in under 24 hours from over 20k sign ups. Done without advertising or traditional marketing/PR. Before we called it ‘social media’. ! Riya was acquired by Google in 2009 (became product search). @missrogue
- 25. Public Speaking
- 26. Coworking Movement: Citizen Space and our efforts created a movement that birthed thousands of spaces for independents to work out of worldwide. ! Sold Citizen Space in 2011. Citizen Space
- 28. Wrote a book - 7 languages
- 30. 13 City Karaoke Road Trip
- 31. Buyosphere
- 32. Buyosphere: Raised over $500,000 from friends/ family and angels over 3 years. Built 3 iterations of a product (with one major pivot). Pitched on the TechCrunch Disrupt stage. Got tons of press (including InStyle Magazine’s clever click award). ! Shut the site down this month. My struggle lives on the web
- 33. Justin Trudeau LPC Leadership Campaign: I’d never run social for a political campaign, but that didn’t stop me from saying yes! Justin won in a landslide with 80% of the popular vote. We attracted over 11,000 volunteers and broke fundraising records.
- 34. Lime foundry: Started with two others on the premise that we could create simple social content programs for partnership lime foundry clients. Had 4 clients, but the broke down. ! Shut down after less than a year.
- 36. But I still can’t answer the question: @missrogue
- 37. “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” or “What do you want to be when you grow up?” – how about you?
- 38. the key: onlyness @missrogue
- 39. “Onlyness is that thing that only one individual can bring to a situation.” ! Nilofer Merchant http://nilofermerchant.com/2013/01/17/onlyness-the-topic-and-the-talk-at-tedxhouston/
- 40. picscatter: a small representation of the amazing women I know
- 41. Our Onlynesses • Experiences • Histories • Personalities • Geographies • Training • Hobbies • Connections • Who we admire • Who has shaped us • Our families • Our ethics • Our work • Our level of confidence • Our dark sides • Our talents • and much much more…
- 42. “The thing about any of our aspirations or dreams is that they are always—as of yet— unproven. So of course this is impossible. To go towards a new future, action is the thing… ! “If you wait for someone else to first give you permission to pursue a new direction, then you are, in effect, seeking permission to be yourself.” – Nilofer http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Nilofer-Merchant-Steps-to-Living-Your-Purpose#ixzz2TqxIj5Nv
- 43. Examples of women finding their onlyness
- 45. some awesome insight https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DsHuSU4Y5g
- 46. Lily Singh - !!Superwoman!!
- 48. chimamanda andachie nilofer merchant jane mcgonigal cindy gallop
- 49. What they have in common… @missrogue
- 50. 1. They have embraced who they are + found their onlyness - their unique story. ! 3. They carved out their own definition of success. In fact, they’ve created it. ! 5. And though every single one of them has probably faced enormous self-doubt + push back, they went for it anyway.
- 51. We don’t have time to live by someone else’s definition of success… @missrogue
- 52. Stuff my parents think is important (not in particular order) 1. Stability 2. Buying a house 3. Being debt free 4. Being a good Mom 5. Being happy
- 53. Stuff others think is important (not in particular order) 1. The size of your bank account 2. The awards/accolades you’ve won 3. Your title + distinctions 4. How many other people think you are important 5. The power/influence you have
- 54. Stuff I think is important (not in particular order) 1. Being challenged + growing constantly 2. Collecting a diversity of experiences + meeting a diversity of new people 3. Leaving the world a better place than I found it 4. Living life to the fullest 5. Being a good person
- 56. Redefining success on your own terms.
- 57. Championing those others who are finding their onlyness, too.
- 58. Tara Hunt @missrogue tara@tarahunt.com www.tarahunt.com @missrogue facebook.com/missrogue instagram.com/missrogue slideshare.com/missrogue youtube.com/sanfranrogue