11 Jobs AI Can't Steal (Hint: the Weirder They Are, the Better)

Disclaimer: This article may contain traces of artificial intelligence. No writers were inconvenienced in the making of this content, though several thesauruses were consulted (and possibly mildly traumatized). Proceed with caution, and remember, if the robots take over, at least they'll have a great copywriter.

1. Human Resource Management

Weirdness score: 0 out of 10

Here's a field where empathy isn't just a nice-to-have, it's the whole game. The HR world is probably the last bastion against the robot invasion. AI might sift through resumes, but can it handle Dave from accounting's existential crisis or mediate the great ‘where to put the new coffee machine’ debate? I don't think so. HR is where humanity's messiness is both the problem and the solution—and until AI can understand why someone might need a day off just because Mercury is in retrograde, this job's in safe hands

2. Copywriting

Weirdness score: 1 out of 10 (only because even robots haven't figured out how to code existential dread, thankfully)

Okay, so I'll admit it—my trusty keyboard was gathering dust ever since AI decided to muscle in on my writing gig. But here's the kicker: even though I'm pretty good at telling AI what to do, I couldn't make it write this article the way I wanted. It spat out a bunch of stuff, sure, but getting those words to make sense? That was all me. So, if you're a writer feeling a little nervous about robots taking over, calm down. They're still like kids learning to color inside the lines. AI can't quite create the good stuff yet. But don't get too comfy, because it's learning fast.

3. Event Planner

Weirdness score: 2 out of 10

Planning events is a high-pressure, high-reward job where exceeding expectations is the norm. It's like being a conductor, but the orchestra is made up of balloons, caterers, and unpredictable guests. I've thought about this career—rocket launches are just very technical parties, right? But the real challenge is in the details, the stuff that AI can't grasp, like why Aunt Edna absolutely must sit away from the DJ or the whole event implodes. And let’s be real, in a showdown between humans and a robot for who throws the better party, humans would win.

4. Therapeutic Riding Instructor

Weirdness score: 3 out of 10

Ever thought about combining a love for horses with helping people? It's like a magical unicorn job. If the robots really start taking over, I might just ditch tech and embrace the rustic charm of being a therapeutic riding instructor. There's something about horses that's calming, maybe because they don't argue about rocket science or quiz you on AI. And for someone who usually stumbles in social situations, the idea of just riding into the sunset, helping people heal along the way, sounds like a bizarrely fitting escape plan.

5. Fortune Cookie Writer

Weirdness score: 4 out of 10

These folks are the unsung poets of takeout. I mean, where else can you get advice, prophecy, and your dinner all in one? AI might churn out facts and figures, but can it tell you to 'Avoid eating tuna on Sunday'? I doubt it. There's something beautifully random about human-generated fortunes—it's like rolling the dice in the game of wisdom. So, let's keep the robots out of this one. The last thing I want to do is read an AI-generated prediction about the rise of our machine overlords after devouring a bowl of lo mein. Can't think of a more unfortunate cookie, honestly.

6. Online Dating Profile Ghostwriter

Weirdness score: 5 out of 10

Some say online dating is as complex as quantum physics. But until Robert Oppenheimer confirms this, let's just agree that it's a jungle out there. Now here's where the dating profile ghostwriter comes in as the unsung cupid of love. I might be skeptical about finding true love online, but I can sure craft a profile that'll get you noticed. It's part art, part psychology, and all about making you the star of your own story without coming off as a pretentious, self-obsessed a**hole. It's a weirdly rewarding gig, especially when you hear that your killer bio helped someone undatable find their match. So, if you're ever feeling adventurous (or desperate), give me a shout—although, I'll be saving this job as a last resort.

7. Art Therapist

Weirdness score: 6 out of 10

In a world that’s trying to sell me NFTs of digital rocks, I’d rather dive into the messiness of real art as an art therapist. My artistic skills might be more 'abstract accident' than 'masterpiece,' but that's the beauty of it. Art therapy is about expression, not perfection. I'd be the girl turning mop strokes into emotional landscapes, charging $100 an hour for the privilege of joining me on this artistic journey through the human mind. You'll have to bring your own mop, though.

8. Professional Sleeper

Weirdness score: 7 out of 10

If I ever find myself out of a job, becoming a professional sleeper seems like a logical next step. It's like being paid for a skill I never knew was marketable. I mean, who wouldn't want to get paid for procrastinating? Just like you did for your old job—the one AI took over. It’s the perfect gig for anyone who’s ever dreamt of turning their love for naps into a lucrative career. And honestly, in a world where being awake sometimes feels like too much, being a professional sleeper is almost a rebellious act.

9. Face Feeler

Weirdness score: 8 out of 10

It sounds like a job title I'd make up to confuse people at parties, but it's real. A face feeler is literally paid to feel faces after applying skincare products. And honestly, I'd rather have a human do that than a cold, unfeeling robot. This job is almost intimate, in a professional sense. You're the arbiter of smooth versus rough, the judge of cream A versus lotion B. There's a certain finesse to it, an understanding of texture and reaction that no AI could ever hope to achieve.

Professional Mourner

Weirdness score: 9 out of 10

Here's a job that turns bad luck and natural gloominess into an asset. It's like an audition for a soap opera, but the script is life itself. And honestly, if my job's going to AI, I might as well cry and get paid for it. It's a natural fit, especially on those days when it feels like my luck's run out and sulking comes as naturally as breathing. It’s a bizarre gig, but let's be honest; it's probably the last thing AI can't fake.

Become a Robot

Weirdness score: 10 out of 10

When all else fails, I'd just crank the weirdness up to 11 and become a robot—if you can't beat them, join them. I can imagine getting my brain chip installed, and suddenly, I'm part of the machine. It's the weirdest of weird jobs: being human one day, a cyborg the next. No more worrying about emotions or human error; just cold, efficient logic. It’s the ultimate backup plan. Plus, I’ve always wanted to know what it’s like on the other side of a firmware update.