The Mom Project’s Post

At one point in motherhood about 10 years ago, I realized that after childcare and the gas needed to get to/from work, I was bringing home less than $50/month. I quit my job the next day. That $50 was not worth the emotional cost of giving my all both at work and at home and missing so much of my kids' childhood. That being said, every time the government intervenes we pay other unintended costs. I don't know what the answer is to this problem, but it's got to originate from the people - employers, communities, and families. Why not implement daycares at the place of employment, provide an employee benefit to help pay for daycare (could apply to children, aging parents who can't take care of themselves, and adult children with disabilities), or refrain from stripping workers of their ability to work remotely? There are options out there if employers and communities are willing to listen.

What if it started with the individual? What if each one of us got REALLY honest about what was important AND stayed unwaveringly committed to listening to our heart 🫀? (v. ego who wants achievement ambition, more $$$). What if from there it extended to our communities because a bunch of us began to prioritize humanity over profit? So we helped each another raise our kids? What if we prioritized presence over material wealth + status? During the first half of raising our kids, I worked FT, partner was primary parent. It doesn’t mean we didn’t make $, it meant once our basic needs were met, it wasn’t the first priority. Now, in the second half, I work PT, doing what I am passionate about + being the primary parent with my 7&12 yo. He works FT. We lean heavily on our school community for support. We don’t have a brand new kitchen + for many years we rented our home. We were / are crystal clear that having access to Nature, a safe conscious community for our kids, + presence with our family was the most important. So, I don’t feel we have sacrificed our careers, money, fancy house etc. or achievement because in the big scheme of life there really is no trade off for the moments that matter. Does anyone else feel this?

As a mom to a toddler, I resonate with the desires outlined in this post, but unfortunately, they are counteractive to one another. I live in Ontario Canada, where our government has implemented subsidized daycare ($20 per day for most people) and as a result, our childcare waitlists at licensed centers are well over 2 years long. My son will be 2.5 in September and has still not received a space. Making daycare affordable is important, but doing so makes it less accessible. It is a double-edged sword. Additionally, making daycare affordable also impacts the wages of daycare workers who, in my opinion, are severely under-paid as it is. Government subsidies for childcare seem like a great solution until they are put into practice. Similar to our healthcare system here in Canada, we have a shortage of daycare workers and facilities. Is it free/affordable? Yes. Can you access it? For many Canadian families, no, you can't. I wish there was a simple solution to the issue at hand. Truthfully, it comes down to an affordability crisis for families in general. Two incomes are needed for most families with young children, and childcare hasn't caught up to the demand.

This is the same issue I faced 15 years ago with 3 babies at home. I made a choice then to leave my profession and stay home because my job was placing us financially in the negative with child care. Not something that I would now give up for anything in this world. However, upon reentering the job market, I found that employers thought I had somehow lost my abilities in the few years spent at home doing the hardest job anyone will every do. It took me 8 years to catch back up with my peers. The financial and professional sacrifices are a tough decision to make. Reach out if you are struggling with reentry. I have tips that helped me along the way.

The government should stay out of it. They’ve screwed up enough and that’s why we’re in this mess. Families used to be able to live off one salary. Now we need two to survive yet lose most of it on childcare. It’s a nightmare cycle. And the forced return to office made it worse. We’ve proven we can do great work from home. Why strip us of that and make everything even harder?

When I had my first child, my husband and I looked at the economics of everything. That's when one of us decided to stay home and the other to start building a career that was independent of having to work for corporate entities. The cost was crazy and made no sense for us. He started small, consulting in the wine and beverage business while taking care of a newborn. It was one of the hardest times of our lives. I lived away from my parents and didn't have the daily support of child care. It was a risk but it paid off. The first few years of that arrangement was incredibly stressful. When I mentor new college graduates, especially women, I ask them if they wanted to have a family in the future. We have the difficult discussions about truly understanding who you work for, the benefits they provide and if they respect working mothers. It's a double-edged sword because you don't want to discourage a new bright mind. Looking back,. however, I wish I was told that advice. Today, we continue to work on the arrangements where one of us is primarily working in the home or has a flexible schedule to accommodate the needs of school and extracurricular activities.

I recently had this conversation with my 18 yr old recent high school grad who was lamenting that they'd never be able to own a home. I noted that when they and their younger sister (born a year apart) were little and I was a single income breadwinner putting my spouse through school and our then 2 kids in daycare, that on paper, I looked like I was making a decent wage by 2011 standards, but when I did my taxes, I was spending 16K a year to make sure my kids were cared for so I could provide a life for them. That actually made us a family living in poverty, despite the fact I had 2 college degrees, a prestigious job and the respect of many important people in the community. However, many times, because of the cost of living and all I had on my plate, it was either, pay for daycare or buy groceries or pay a bill. I feel for anyone having to pay for daycare now, I don't want to even know what the bottom line is nowadays.

Indiana here - I have a two and four year old in daycare. The cost is more than our mortgage. I was on the waitlist for my entire pregnancy and six weeks after I had my baby )while on maternity leave) I luckily, received the call that we got a spot. I am currently job searching and now we are a one income household…but I still pay for daycare because we will lose their spots if I pull them out and it would mean a year before getting back in. 😔 No job is going to let me defer a start date by that much. Also, daycare workers are grossly underpaid even with the high cost of childcare.

One solution is for new moms to BECOME a daycare provider. I know many women who did this when their children were young and some ended up with a 30-year + career from doing so. When you’re home with your children, it only makes sense. Granted many women don’t have the energy to do this, so another avenue (while at home), is to work online. There are hundreds of opportunities to make as much or as little money as you like. *edit* … I should have ended with, “then you are free of government control”. So take charge, Moms. You can do this.

In Canada the government is making so much effort to make it affordable. time to pick some ideas from this side of the border! I paid Aprrox $1300 per month in US in 2022 and now pay Approx $500 per month in Canada. It just gives you more peace of mind to be able to work. The quality & safety standards are at par.