5 Ways to Help Your Clients Experiencing Grief

As a financial advisor, your role extends beyond managing investments and creating financial plans. You're often a trusted confidant, sharing in your clients' joys and sorrows. Inevitably, you will find yourself supporting clients through periods of grief, whether it stems from the loss of a loved one, a divorce, or other significant life changes.

Grief is complex and deeply personal, something that can profoundly affect an individual's financial decisions. As an advisor, you can provide practical guidance, empathy, and understanding during life's most challenging times.

"Ultimately, the goal is to strike a balance between honoring the grieving process and addressing necessary financial decisions," Ashley Folkes, a certified financial planner in Hoover, Alabama, told us. "A financial advisor can help navigate this challenging time with empathy and integrity by offering compassion, understanding, and practical guidance."

Rob Schultz, a certified financial planner and wealth manager in Encino, California, suggested that your help might come from concentrating on the practicalities that might otherwise be overlooked by the grieving client. "Point out the things that need to be done relatively soon," he said. Then, also tell them the things that can be done in time. Making sure bills continue to get paid, for example, is a priority.

In this article, we will detail actionable insights for supporting clients through some of the toughest times while their financial well-being is kept a priority.

Grieving Clients: What to Do?

Peter Lazaroff, an Investopedia top-10 financial advisor, told us that financial advising has changed enormously in recent decades. The mechanics have been altered—there are robo-advisors, fees are charged in different ways, and far less is done in person—but most notable, perhaps, is something that has nothing to do with these facets of the business.

"The nature of the advice [we give] has changed significantly," he said. Financial advisors aren't merely people behind the desk pointing out numbers on spreadsheets. "The best advisors these days resemble therapists more than number crunchers," Lazaroff said. "Being a good advisor is about connecting with people, helping them solve their problems, and making life simpler. It's not all about spreadsheets; people have wants in addition to needs, and addressing those requires listening and empathy."

Of course, it's difficult to simplify a client's life when they experience a profound loss. What's more, in our culture, these losses aren't just personal but often coincide with major financial shifts. This is already enough for an advisor to help manage, but other things will likely pop up in times of great upheaval for individuals and families.

To support clients who have experienced the loss of a spouse or another loved one, advisors need to be compassionate and empathetic. This isn't a one-off for advisors, Schultz noted. For clients, you can "reinforce that you have walked alongside clients in their situation many times in the past," he said. For example, "it might be the first time they lost a parent, but most advisors have helped with this situation several times a year."

Nina O'Neill, a partner at AIM Advisors in Raleigh, North Carolina, agreed. "When clients are dealing with grief, whether it's from a death or a divorce, talking about it can be pretty painful and healing can take a while. That's why we keep a box of tissues in our conference room," she said.

Here are five tips for mentoring clients through the intersection of grief and finance. Hearing from advisors, there seemed to be an implicit order to how they worked with clients. First, they help them deal with the loss and honor the past. Then, they help them get on track in the present. Finally, when the client's ready, they help them chart their future.

1. Honor the Loss

Many clients may want little more than for you to relieve them of taking care of the financials as they go through a difficult time. "When a client passes away, I let the family know I am there to help get the paperwork together to do things like file insurance claims as well as to refer to other professionals if needed," J. Sadler Hayes, principal at Sadler Hayes Associates in Clarkstown, New York, told us. "I also understand that this is a time of sorrow and uncertainty, so I try to be compassionate and respectful of their wishes and needs,"

However, in many other situations, your clients might appreciate hearing from your own experiences and learning how you overcame similar circumstances. Even if you haven't personally faced the same difficult circumstances, you can still draw from your own experiences with loss to connect with your client's emotions. "People grieve in different ways," Boneparthe said.

Several advisors we spoke with emphasized the importance of signaling to the client that you understand what they are going through. One way to do this is to discuss ways to deal with the finances in a way that honors their loved one. This approach not only demonstrates your empathy but also gently guides the conversation toward practical matters.

One meaningful way to honor a deceased loved one is by using a portion of an inheritance to create a lasting legacy, Schultz said. "When an inheritance is received, I like to explore ways to honor the deceased's memory with a portion of the funds. Often, this is setting up a college fund for the grandchildren that they are not going to see walking across the stage with a diploma," he said.

2. Meet Them Where They Are

When a person experiences grief, it can sometimes be difficult for them to get themselves together enough to leave the house. They may be afraid they will break down in public or simply want to stay home among their deceased one's possessions.

You must be prepared to contact your client. Since your client may not even think to speak with a financial advisor, it could be up to you to foster and maintain the relationship.

It can be very helpful to visit a grieving client in their home instead of requiring them to come to your office or meet you in a public place. You can even bring them lunch or some homemade or bakery-bought cookies when you visit to further show you care. Even if you don't have any financial business to talk about, you can still visit your client to ensure they are doing OK, especially if their grieving period seems prolonged or especially intense.

"Acknowledging the client's emotional state and the gravity of their loss is crucial, conveying genuine empathy and support," Folkes said. "However, amid the emotions, pressing financial matters may arise that require attention. Sensitivity and tact are key as you guide them through these decisions, reassuring them that their best interests remain the priority."

3. Help Them Remain Financially Healthy

Advisors we spoke to for this article emphasized that when a client experiences loss through death or divorce, they can be prone to making emotionally driven decisions that might prove disastrous financially.

"When a loved one passes away unexpectedly, it can be like a wake-up call shouting 'life is too short.' You might feel compelled to splurge and seize the day. Although it's understandable," said Douglas Boneparthe, a financial advisor at Bone Fide Wealth in New York City, as their financial advisor, you can help them make it through this time financially intact.

Nina O'Neill, a partner at AIM Advisors in Raleigh, North Carolina, agreed. She said advisors can monitor their client's finances and see how these life changes affect them. "We need to make sure they don't make any impulsive, big decisions like using life insurance money to pay off a house when there are other priorities that need to be addressed. Our main goal is to help them focus and find their way to a smart and practical financial plan."

4. Refer the Grieving to Experts

Some people will be able to move through the stages of grief on their own, and some only with the help of a strong support network. If you have a client who seems to be struggling, you can refer them to a grief counselor you trust to provide further guidance. Ensure the counselor you refer is someone you know or have worked with before so you know they are a good fit for your client.

While providing emotional support is crucial, it's equally important to recognize when a client may need additional professional help to navigate their grief. "It's vital to gently remind them that emotions can sometimes cloud judgment," Folkes said. "Encouraging them to lean on trusted confidants who can provide additional support and perspective can be invaluable."

You can be a resource for your client in a wide range of areas beyond finances. If you notice that your client is having trouble coping, you can recommend a good book such as Grieving: A Beginner's Guide. This, paired with a referral to a grief counselor (if appropriate), shows that you understand what they're going through and are there to help in any way you can.

If you work in a larger firm, you can ask around for ideas from around the office. Chances are others in your firm have gone through the same situations with some of their clients. This may especially be true if certain advisors specialize in working with older adult clients. Be prepared to vet any recommendations that come your way, though your client may simply appreciate the gesture of you sending additional resources.

5. When Ready, Help Them Consier Their Future

In the short term, strategizing with your client about their finances often takes a back seat to empathetic correspondence. When they are ready to make changes, they'll make them—and until they are able to do so, it's up to you to be there for them. Once some time has passed, you can begin to help them deal not just with filing insurance claims and paying bills but also planning their future.

This could mean helping them rethink ideas they might have had in the throes of grief. "I recently worked with a client who, along with her husband, had long deliberated on a specific dollar amount they wished to leave for their son," Folkes said. "However, following her grieving process, she became receptive to exploring alternative approaches. She was open to considering the concept of leaving a living legacy, which would allow her to share the financial means to create meaningful experiences with her loved ones."

By helping your clients reevaluate their goals and priorities, you can help them create a future that honors their loved one's memory while ensuring their financial well-being.

The Bottom Line

As you guide your clients through this process, keep the following in mind:

1. You should be patient and understanding as they navigate their new reality.
2. Encourage them to take a long-term perspective when making financial decisions.
3. Help them find ways to honor their loved one's legacy through their financial choices.
4. Regularly check in on their emotional state and adjust your approach as needed.

By combining empathy, practical guidance, and future-focused planning, you can help your clients emerge from grief with a renewed sense of purpose and financial security. You'll have few roles as an advisor that will be more important.