Comedy
"Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together"
"the best thing about being alive is that sometimes there is a cat"
"I know I’m far from the first person to say this, but the 'I hate cats' to 'I found this perfect baby angel in the trash and I *will* take a bullet for her' pipeline is one of the few pure things left on this earth"
WHAT'S HAPPENING
"one thing I like saying to my cats in admonishment is 'you know the rules' when they very clearly do not know and will never know the rules"
"there is no higher form of comedy than a pet with a human name. congrats on your netflix special or whatever, but this dog's name is Peter"
"sorry i can't hang out i have to sit here and slow blink at this cat who hates me"
"Being a dog must be wild, everyone you meet is your masseuse"
"People should get paid time off whenever their cat decides it's time to sit on their belly"
"I think my dog is just using me for my walks"
"Adopting a cat with a weird little meow is like winning the lottery"