Between the Bridge and the River Quotes

“The Universe is very, very big.
It also loves a paradox. For example, it has some extremely strict rules.
Rule number one: Nothing lasts forever.
Not you or your family or your house or your planet or the sun. It is an absolute rule. Therefore when someone says that their love will never die, it means that their love is not real, for everything that is real dies.

Rule number two: Everything lasts forever.”
― Craig Ferguson, Between the Bridge and the River

“Allowances can always be made for your friends to disagree with you. Disagreement, vehement disagreement, is healthy. Debate is impossible without it. Evil does not question itself, only hope questions itself. Even the incorruptible are corruptible if they cannot accept the possibility of being mistaken. Infallibility is a sin in any man. All laws can be broken and are. Often. Like when a bumblebee flies or an ancient regime is toppled.”
― Craig Ferguson, Between the Bridge and the River

“Fraser's mother, Janice, was actually quite a happy soul but she had to hide it because, like all pseudo intellectuals, she thought being cheery made her look stupid, which of course she was for believing that rubbish in the first place.

She like to talk about Sartre sometimes, just as insurance.”
― Craig Ferguson, Between the Bridge and the River

“WHITE AMERICANS HAVE A VERY UNUSUAL SENSE OF HISTORY. They make it up as they go along, constantly revising to suit their tastes in a manner that would make Stalin blush. Very few of them saw any irony in the fact that during a recent nasty Balkans conflict, when Uncle Sam intervened to stop the Serbs from ethnically cleansing the Bosnians, the military action was performed using Apache helicopter gunships. Helicopters named after a people that had been ethnically cleansed
in the United States less than one hundred years previously. Sixteen lane highways across the sacred burial grounds. Yee-hah.”
― Craig Ferguson, Between the Bridge and the River

“This story is true. Of course, there are many lies therein and most of it did not happen, but it's all true.

In that sense it is deeply religious, perhaps even biblical.”
― Craig Ferguson, Between the Bridge and the River

“He was in awe of the thirst that people had for someone to tell them that everything was going to be all right. He marveled at the gullibility and vulnerability of his fellow humans. No wonder the churches called them sheep. They were woolly-headed pack animals being herded around for the benefit of whoever knew how to control the dogs.”
― Craig Ferguson, Between the Bridge and the River

“Even the incorruptible are corruptible if they cannot accept the possibility of being mistaken.
Infallibility is a sin in any man.
All laws can be broken and are.
Often.”
― Craig Ferguson, Between the Bridge and the River

“The Bible has been through at least half a dozen translations by the time you read it. Plus, when the word of God is infected by the hand of man, that is, written down, it is tainted.”
― Craig Ferguson, Between the Bridge and the River

“It never occurred to them that God may have provided the world with a vast array of very brainy medical types for the very reason of solving problems such as theirs. However, there is one thing that the medical profession cannot do and that is save people from being idiots.”
― Craig Ferguson, Between the Bridge and the River

“If you can't trust, you can't be trustworthy.”
― Craig Ferguson, Between the Bridge and the River

“For example, in Paris, if one desires to buy something, you enter the store and say "Good morning, sir" or "madam," depending on what is appropriate, you wait until you are greeted, you make polite chitchat about the weather or some such, and when the salesperson asks what they can do for you, then and only then do you bring up the vulgar business of the transaction you require.”
― Craig Ferguson, Between the Bridge and the River

“Time is only linear for engineers and referees.”
― Craig Ferguson, Between the Bridge and the River

“The truth is that Leon, like a lot of those-maybe everyone-who trips on acid, never really came back. he recovered but he was never the same guy again. He had lost something-innocence of hell. Acid presses a little button in your mind that should never be pressed”
― Craig Ferguson, Between the Bridge and the River

“The clocks understood, they kept moving, motion, following the truth that change is the nature of God's mind, and resistance to it is the source of great pain.”
― Craig Ferguson, Between the Bridge and the River

“It turns out that speeding irresponsibly in a large truck, placing personal wealth ahead of the welfare of others, is one of the greatest sins in the Universe....”
― Craig Ferguson, Between the Bridge and the River

“Hey dawg, wassup?" he said, in the strange way that white talent agents from Los Angeles do in an attempt to sound like young black men from underprivileged backgrounds. A linguistic fashion as peculiar as the lisp that everybody in medieval Spain had to adopt after the king developed a speech impediment.”
― Craig Ferguson, Between the Bridge and the River

“Sophie thought about Frank’s cock sometimes, how famous it was. Not as famous as his voice, sure, but famous in cock terms. Most cocks were seen by only a handful of people: Mom, Dad, creepy uncle, priest, bunkmates, and lovers. Frank’s cock had been seen by thousands of showgirls. It was a well-known cock; more than well known, it was a star. Jesus, Frank’s cock probably had anecdotes.”
― Craig Ferguson, Between the Bridge and the River

“Only tyrants and fools made martyrs. He was certainly no fool. And he was no tyrant either- how could he be, he had suffered a hideous stroke. He was a victim. The victim excuse, where evil is born.”
― Craig Ferguson, Between the Bridge and the River

“His face had gotten so fat his eyes were little bloodshot dots of mistrust.”
― Craig Ferguson, Between the Bridge and the River

“When someone says that their love will never die, it means that they love is not real, for everything that is real dies.”
― Craig Ferguson, Between the Bridge and the River

“Hotel rooms have an aphrodisiac quality.”
― Craig Ferguson, Between the Bridge and the River