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“I imagine you working on me as an algebra problem, reducing me to fractions, crossing out common denominators, until there's nothing left on the page but a line that says x = whatever it is that is wrong with me.”
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“Then I place the blade next to the skine on my palm.
A tingle arced across my scalp. The flood tipped up at me and my body spiraled away. Then I was on the ceiling looking down, waiting to see what would happen next. What happened next was thet a perfect, straight line of blood bloomed from under the blade.The line grow into a long, Fat bubbel, A lush crimson bubbel that got bigger and bigger. I watch from above, waiting to see how big it would get before it burst. when it did, I felt awesome. Satisfied, finally. Then exhausted.”
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A tingle arced across my scalp. The flood tipped up at me and my body spiraled away. Then I was on the ceiling looking down, waiting to see what would happen next. What happened next was thet a perfect, straight line of blood bloomed from under the blade.The line grow into a long, Fat bubbel, A lush crimson bubbel that got bigger and bigger. I watch from above, waiting to see how big it would get before it burst. when it did, I felt awesome. Satisfied, finally. Then exhausted.”
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“Sometimes when we’re in situations where we feel we’re not in control, we do things, especially things that take a lot of energy, as a way of making ourselves feel we have some power.”
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“People who aren't asleep when Ruby comes around have to take sleeping pills. Everyone is afraid of those pills- even the substance- abuse guests.”
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“Then I placed the blade next to the skin on my palm. A tingle arched across my scalp. The floor tipped up at me and my body spilled away. Then I was on the ceiling looking down, waiting to see what would happen next...”
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“Rochelle," she calls out, still looking at me. "Is there anyone down at the desk? I need something."
I'm too startled to move. Is she going to tell on me, get me in trouble?
Rochelle's gotten up; she's banging the toilet stall doors open one by one, checking to make sure no one's in there. When the last stall turns up empty, she gives Amanda an annoyed look. "What do you need this time of night?"
Amanda smiles at me, then turns to face Rochelle. "A tampon”
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I'm too startled to move. Is she going to tell on me, get me in trouble?
Rochelle's gotten up; she's banging the toilet stall doors open one by one, checking to make sure no one's in there. When the last stall turns up empty, she gives Amanda an annoyed look. "What do you need this time of night?"
Amanda smiles at me, then turns to face Rochelle. "A tampon”
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“Hey, S.T.," Sydney says finally.
I don't budge.
She nudges me with her elbow. "You want to know something?"
I still can't look up. But I nod.
"It's not your fault either." She says this like it's not big deal. Like it's nothing.
But it's everything.”
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I don't budge.
She nudges me with her elbow. "You want to know something?"
I still can't look up. But I nod.
"It's not your fault either." She says this like it's not big deal. Like it's nothing.
But it's everything.”
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“What do you think you’ll lose?”
“I don’t know.” I check your amber eyes for signs of impatience, but you don’t seem mad. Just curious.
“I’ll never make you tell me anything you don’t want to tell me,” you say. “But you are right, Callie. Sometimes it will feel like you’re losing something.”
I reach for another tissue. Wet, wadded-up tissues keep piling up in my lap.
“But Callie,” you say. “If we work hard, you’ll find something much better to take the place of whatever you give up. I promise.”
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“I don’t know.” I check your amber eyes for signs of impatience, but you don’t seem mad. Just curious.
“I’ll never make you tell me anything you don’t want to tell me,” you say. “But you are right, Callie. Sometimes it will feel like you’re losing something.”
I reach for another tissue. Wet, wadded-up tissues keep piling up in my lap.
“But Callie,” you say. “If we work hard, you’ll find something much better to take the place of whatever you give up. I promise.”
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