Supervisor hit on my wife and exacted revenge on her after being turned down

Question

My wife's male supervisor (engaged) hit on her, and asked her out many times. My wife refused him, and this supervisor stopped hitting on her, but turned everything to work harassment: far more comments for her work paper than before; hiding information to trap my wife into make mistakes; talking behind my wife's back with other supervisors (reported by another supervisor to my wife); poor performance review rating; etc.

Because there is no material evidence, I believe it is hard to report the issue to HR right now. We are also worried that her supervisor is more "useful" for the firm so my wife will be fired if we cannot turn him down.

I'm thinking to let my wife talk to him about the issue and record the conversation. If there is any sign in the conversation, we can turn it to HR then. What do you think about it?

Except for leaving the firm, what other strategy do you suggest?

Update #1

I just did a research, the state we live in is "one party consent state". So it seems legal to record the conversation.

The concern right now is that whether my wife's supervisor will give her more hard time if we report the issue to HR, especially if HR talk to him. His actions, in my opinion, might seem normal by other people since they are all work related, but only my wife knows how hard it is.

Answer 1

Additional comment on the already existing answers but too long for a comment:

1. Keep a a very detailed paper trail. Every time an interaction or event happens that you believe is related write it down. Date & time, location, who said/did what. Verbatim quotes wherever possible. If there were any other witnesses or people involved, write down their names
2. Collect at least 4 or 5 of those (sorry, she needs to stick this out)
3. Then go to HR and show them your journal or documentation

This will make it a lot harder for HR to just push it aside as an "he said/she said" case. Detailed records are much stronger than very general and unspecific statements like "he is doesn't properly evaluate my work" or "he makes fun of me". This also screams "legal exposure" to HR. To some extent, your wife is being harassed and in he current environment most companies are very afraid of headlines and law suites around this. A good paper trail, is very effective in front of a jury, and HR knows this.

Answer 2

Except for leaving the firm, what other strategy do you suggest?

First of all be careful with the recording, as it is illegal in many States in the US.

Now, if this supervisor is making her life more difficult and spreading false information about her, this sort of actions could eventually fall on himself. The quality of her work should speak for herself; if the supervisor is taking this as some sort of vendetta, the best thing to do is to keep up the good work and the supervisor will eventually fall victim to his deception.

However, if this at any point escalates to more direct harassment, or starts "hitting" on her again, it would be time to write down every incident from then on and bring it up to HR after it happens. The more this happens, the more HR will notice this situation repeating and eventually should take action.

She could also try to make some noise when this happens again; try to have other coworkers hear it, saying in a clear loud voice "Stop harassing me Joe" so other can hear, etc.. Perhaps the supervisor did this because he felt secure, so involving other people may discourage him to continue.

Addtionally, I suggest you take a read to this related question to get more insight on alternatives on how to proceed.

Answer 3

You'll need to have facts backing up your cause before you go to HR. Poor performance reviews and comments about your wife's work (if they're factual) are not inappropriate in any way and certainly don't constitute a sexual harassment. I'm afraid that to HR your complaint will sound like your wife was getting undeserved good reviews while her boss was expecting some romance, and started getting harsher reviews when those romance expectations ended.

Remember, HR is not your friend. Its role is to protect the company's interests, and escalating this thing without any evidence from your side that would stand in court would be working against that role. Unless you collect some evidence of undeniably inappropriate actions, I advice you not to rush to the HR. If you can't obtain it in a reasonable time frame, I suggest that your wife simply starts looking for another job: sometimes it's better to avoid battles you're not sure to win, even if you feel you're right.

Answer 4

There are a lot of locations in the US where it is illegal to record unless all parties know about it. If you are sure your location allows it, then that is an option.

A better option is just to go to HR. It's possible that your wife is not the first person to complain about this manager, and will be believed. In any case, HR is there to protect the company. If your wife complains to HR, and then is fired or retaliated against, that looks very suspicious, and most companies won't open themselves to that kind of liability.

HR should be able to give her some legal and reasonable guidelines for how to proceed. If she records him, especially if you're in a jurisdiction where that is illegal, your wife is much more likely to be fired than if she just reports him.

Answer 5

The strategy I would suggest is to get a lawyer. Now. If he has moved from asking her out to negative comments on her performance, he is likely trying to build a case for dismissal. You need a lawyer ASAP.

You could also, in the US, talk to the EEOC and see what advice they give you. Thanks for the addition @closetnoc.

Answer 6

Trying to surreptitiously record a conversation is a waste of your time. You're not spies. It might just backfire as, even if it's legal, if you get caught, it's probably a fireable offense.

Instead, make an official complaint to HR and do it in writing so there's a clear paper trail that you control (send it via your personal email so if you get fired, you still have a copy).

Then, find allies. There are probably many people who have had similar experiences with this individual in the past, find them and band together.

Document everything and seek legal advice and representation.