SURREAL

If you DON'T work in marketing PLEASE DON'T READ THIS POST THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS THIS IS ONLY FOR PEOPLE WHO WORK IN MARKETING HR Rep? Keep scrolling. Sales Exec? Keep scrolling. Fishmonger? DON’T YOU DARE READ ANY FURTHER. GO SELL SOME TROUT. THE PEOPLE NEED TROUT. This post is ONLY for people who work in marketing. You see, whenever we post an advert on here, we always get comments saying “this is just marketing for people who work in marketing”. So, we've decided to do some marketing that is DEFINITELY just for people who work in marketing. If you work in marketing, please look at these adverts and then buy our cereal. If you don’t work in marketing WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? WE TOLD YOU NOT TO. IS NOTHING SACRED ANY MORE?

"Hope this email finds you well" OBVIOUSLY IT DOESN'T FIND ME WELL TODAY, STEVE YOU MORON

WE WANT TO COME CLEAN It's confession time. We haven't been entirely truthful with you. And now we'd like to set the record straight. Ish. Here's the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. And also some more lies.

CUNNING MARKETING STRATEGY Our cereal is in Sainsbury’s so we’ve stuck a big sign outside Sainsbury’s to tell people that our cereal is in Sainsbury’s. Before you ask, yes, we did work really hard on this one.

BUZZFEED BUT FOR BUZZINESS Back in 2007, the internet was obsessed with lists: - 53 things you’ll remember if you were alive in 1796 - 29 shower thoughts we’ve all had in the shower - 31 times we started a list with a prime number for no reason - XVI reasons why Roman numerals are great - 5 lists we just made up to pad out this post Anyway, for some reason we’ve been popped on a Sunday Times hot start ups list. This was probably a clerical error, but it's nonetheless gone straight to our boss’ heads, so they’ve asked us to pass on some of their words of, uh, "wisdom".

Took us a while to find the right name for our new cereal flavour, but we got there in the end.

WE'LL KEEP THIS SHORT After all, we don’t wanna waffle on. And we don't wanna run our mouths off. Or mince our words. Or ramble aimlessly. Or babble unabashed. Or prevaricate prolongedly, We don’t wanna beat about the bush, either. That’ll get you in trouble with HR. So if we don’t wanna talk until the cows come home, what do we want to do? We just wanna tell you that we’ve made a new cereal. It tastes like Maple Waffle and you can buy it right now. That’s it. That's all we wanna say. Told you we’d keep it short.

If there's one thing we learnt from yesterday's football, it's that we can leave all our work until the very last second and things will be absolutely fine.

ATTENTION GRABBING HEADLINE Opening paragraph blah blah blah A second line of text. Third line of text. Fourth line. Fifth line. You know what, screw it, sixth line. Cereal. Final line.

A HIGHLY STRATEGIC POST (featuring a dog) So much strategy has gone into this post. So much. This thing is dripping in strategy. If you were to put a bucket underneath it, the bucket would catch all the strategy drips and soon be overflowing with strategy. There'd be puddles of strategy all over the floor. You'd have to be careful not to slip in all the strategy. That would be really dangerous. Strategy. Strategy. Strategy. What's strategy?