Should I quit my D&D game because my DM still is showing favoritism? [closed]

Question

Okay to start off, I'm friends with my DM and the other player in our small campaign. I adore them a lot. The DM is nice but maybe a little sensitive to criticism. This group currently is the only way I can play with and prior to the current session, I was the DM for the group until I got tired of always being DM and asked the current DM if he wanted to DM next session.

When we started playing it was fun for a few sessions. However, the DM began to give everything story important to the other character and all the powers. The DM also always talks about the other character's story and background NPCs.

This began to make me feel miserable like a side character. It got worse and worse. I thought it was because the other person had the DM's attention on their backstory and character more and mine just wasn't a good suit for the DM.

I asked to change characters. The DM did straight up tell me basically they weren't interested in my character when I confronted them while building the new PC. However, I'm seeing the continued sort of behavior.

We're halfway through the storyline and I want to see the end. However, I don't really know if I want to keep playing. Changing characters was my last effort to try to get some enjoyment back because a lot of the time the session is so focused on the other player I can spend hours waiting for my turn to get barely anything to grasp on to.

However, I know if I quit, the DM will end the session since its a two player session. I like the other player well enough that despite the favoritism I'd feel bad. I also want to see the story completed myself.

I don't want to hurt the DM's feelings though. They're my friend. I also don't want to hurt the other player because it's not their fault. They can't control that the DM is more interested in them.

Additional info:

• The DM basically wrote the other player's backstory and made everything because the other player had nothing set.
• DM isn't mean, just tends to over-focus on things.
• I did talk to both of them but it feels like nothing changed.
• Both DM and the other player seem to have a hard time recognizing the sort of way I'm excluded and understanding how I feel.

Answer 1

That is the wrong question. The right question is, Is what you are getting out of the game worth the time and effort you are putting in?

While it certainly isn't good for a GM to show favoritism, that by itself will rarely destroy a game, especially if it isn't extreme.

Extreme favoritism can destroy a game, but indirectly. A game that is otherwise very good with friends that all want it to continue can survive even extreme favoritism.

However, no roleplaying is better than bad roleplaying. So the question is, is this overall bad roleplay to the extent that what you are getting out of the game is no longer worth what you are putting into it.

Note however that the question of what you are getting out of it may be slightly more nuanced than fun by itself. You might be enjoying time with friends even if the game itself is subpar. You might be supporting your friends and you might find that you are willing to endure even very subpar roleplaying to support your friends.

Based on what you have said so far, I personally would be inclined to leave. It sounds like the others at the table do not want to put in the effort to make the game fun for you even after you have raised it as an issue. That is not a game I would want to stay in. But interpersonal relationships are complicated and personal. It may still be worth it to you for other reasons even if the game itself is poor.

Answer 2

No One Can Answer This Except You

This situation is too complex, and too intertwined with unique personal and social aspects (including especially your pre-existing friendships with the GM and the other player, and the likelihood that your departure ends the game) for anyone else's opinion on your yes-no question to be valid.

Do you have permission to leave? You have mine, for what it's worth. (Spoiler: It's worth basically nothing.) I would be very surprised to find anyone claiming you have any meaningful obligation to remain in the game.

Would I leave? Most likely, yes-- life is too short to spend in activities that annoy me and waste my time just to please the very people who are annoying me and wasting my time, friends or not. But I can be pretty cold about things like that.

Should you leave? We can't answer that for you.

Answer 3

Yes, you should leave

If you've already tried talking with the GM and the other player, as well as making changes to your own participation (the usual advice for these kinds of scenarios), there isn't anything left that you can do to solve this. Therefore, your choices boil down to:

1. Stay and see the story to the finish, knowing you will be essentially watching a story told by the other player and the GM, with no meaningful participation on your part
2. Leave the game and find some other way to spend time with your friends.

As someone who's played in games with blatant examples of GM favoritism, My Guy Syndrome, and other issues, I'm painfully familiar with how taking option 1 can chill or even ruin friendships. Now, you might be a much more patient and forgiving person than I and my friends were in high school, and if so - if you genuinely think you will still enjoy yourself as an observer to the "GM and Other Player Show", then there's nothing wrong with staying and allowing yourself to enjoy the story they are telling. But if you choose this option, you have to understand and accept that you will remain a side character at best. Since you've described yourself as "miserable" in this situation, this is not likely a good option for you.

Option 2 might feel "mean" or "rude", but it is not rude to remove yourself from a situation where you feel miserable. If anyone is being rude in this situation, it's the GM, who is unwilling to change their own behavior to make you feel included and have fun. It is not your problem if they feel bad if you leave. They might need to do some soul-searching about why they weren't willing to help you, their friend, have fun in a group activity they were leading, but again - that's not on you.

If you're worried about the other player feeling bad, you can give them a brief, non-judgmental explanation about why you're leaving the group. Something like "I'm really glad you and [GM] are having so much fun with the game, but unfortunately it's just not working for me. I'm going to step out, but I'd love to [do whatever other activity] with you sometime!" This phrasing does not accuse anyone of doing anything wrong, and stresses that you still want to spend time with them. I have used it myself when my friends are playing a game I don't personally enjoy. They all understand and don't get upset at me for it.

Continuing to participate in this game which is making you actively miserable will only hurt your friendships with these two people. It's in your, and their, best interest for you to leave the group and find other ways to hang out with them.

Answer 4

As others have said, yeah, maybe you should leave.

A few additional points that might be helpful.

1) There's clearly some complex interpersonal stuff going on here

What it is, we certainly can't tell you, but just in case you aren't aware of it, it's definitely happening, at least that's the way your question reads. There are lots of feelings going on, possibly romantic, possibly platonic.

2) Ask yourself, what do you really want?

What are you really wanting here, and is it actually attainable? We can't tell you.

3) If you want to play D&D, there are definitely ways to find games

If you go to school, your school may have a gaming group.

If there's a gaming store in town, that might give you a connection to a game.

If you are connected to the Internet, there are myriad ways to get connected to a D&D game.

Maybe though, you actually don't want to just play D&D, maybe you want to play with these 2 people. That leads back to point (1).

4) If what you really want is to hang out with these 2 people, maybe D&D isn't the right way

There are other games that might work better. You might ask the internet about games for 3 people. Or look at some card games. Or look at something other than games.

5) If what you really want is to play D&D with these 2 people

Well, you're gonna have to get a reset somehow. It certainly doesn't seem like you're happy with the way things are. So then your only choices are really to either keep talking to them about it, or give up.

6) take care of yourself

Sometimes what we want just isn't in the cards. The dice are just coming up nat 1s.

Sometimes when we find that we can't have what we want, it hurts really bad. That's life. If you feel like it hurts too much, get some help from somewhere.

Unfortunately, you can't always get what you want, but if you try, hopefully can get what you need. Hard to know the difference sometimes.

Good luck and best wishes!