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I am new to D&D and still learning the game. My bf is the DM. I was playing with 2 other characters who are very experienced.

In general terms, I wanted to talk to a book that was scried, but this was information outside of my character's knowledge so I headed back to the tavern to see if I could get it out of the other characters lol.

I told them what I wanted to do. No one acknowledged what I said, either to say they couldn't because it wasn't in character with what they do or otherwise. They didn't really try to help at all in explaining and the DM just let these two people take over the spotlight for the next 1.5 hrs.

They didn't incorporate me into their play; I was just a foil to whatever hijinks they had in mind. I became disengaged from play and ended up leaving the table because my heart wasn't in it. The DM continued play and didn't even take a break from it to regroup and find out what was going on. No one else seemed concerned by my lack of participation.

In the end I was really hurt over the whole thing. This is what turns off new players. The DM should have controlled play so everyone got a chance to play or someone should have explained something to me. Am I wrong?

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  • \$\begingroup\$ I'm not quite sure what you mean by "I wanted to talk to a book that was scried" though it probably doesn't impact the issues you're facing much \$\endgroup\$
    – Andrew
    Commented Sep 21, 2021 at 20:52
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    \$\begingroup\$ I'm not sure this is the sort of question we can really answer on Stack, but I do want to express sympathy; you're getting shut out and that's sucky gaming on the part of both the DM and the players. You should absolutely be getting some explanations at minimum, and if it were my table with a new player I'd be bending over backward to let that player have a strong hand in driving the adventure. Your first gaming session is like a sales pitch to keep playing, and this one sounds like the D&D equivalent of the car salesman who will only talk to your husband. \$\endgroup\$
    – Darth Pseudonym
    Commented Sep 21, 2021 at 21:00
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    \$\begingroup\$ Welcome to the site! Take the tour. As the other commenters have said, this reads more like venting than an actionable question. Random internet strangers can't really judge if you were right or wrong, and even if they did, it probably wouldn't help your situation. What are you trying to accomplish here? \$\endgroup\$
    – MikeQ
    Commented Sep 21, 2021 at 21:07
  • \$\begingroup\$ This isn't a question, it's a rant. (And what they did for your gaming experience was not nice) \$\endgroup\$
    – KorvinStarmast
    Commented Sep 22, 2021 at 0:38

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You're a new addition to the group, so some friction is to be expected, but this seems to be a bit too far. There's a few issues to look at here:

  1. The group has a dynamic and they are having trouble adjusting - this too happens when new people join an existing group, it takes time and effort for everyone to find a new working dynamic.
  2. You're dating the DM - this can cause issues in a group because of actual or appearances of favoritism, and the amount of contact outside sessions you have with the DM. Your boyfriend might be overcompensating for this and favoring the other players more than he should.

Regardless of what the causes of the issues are, you need to talk to your boyfriend about it, calmly and outside of the game session, one on one. Explain that you feel excluded and ignored. If this is the first session after you joined, you might need to give it some time, but make sure you address the issues with your DM, they need to adjust how they handle things because you're a new player who is just learning the game.

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    \$\begingroup\$ I agree, and it kinda sounds like this is a really freeform game, rather than clear quest or similar adventure, which can be even tougher for a new player who might appreciate having some rails to guide them through what's going on. \$\endgroup\$
    – Darth Pseudonym
    Commented Sep 21, 2021 at 21:07
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    \$\begingroup\$ It also sounds like he is pulling too far back from the usual favoritism that is shown to the partner when they join the games. \$\endgroup\$
    – Slagmoth
    Commented Sep 22, 2021 at 12:48
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    \$\begingroup\$ @Slagmoth that would be the overcompensating I mentioned in point 2 \$\endgroup\$
    – Andrew
    Commented Sep 22, 2021 at 12:56

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