How can I convey my disappointment in players ignoring huge hints

Question

Yesterday's game was nice and intense, but at some point my fellow players disappointed me, heavily.

We're not allowed to say technical things about the game.

Basically we had this dragon that was very much damaged, prone and slowed. We also were very low in our resources, especially hit points and we didn't have the opportunity to take a short rest before the dragon fight.

The monk knocked the dragon prone and said "Attack him with your melee weapons". Then I (bard) slowed the dragon, I read the spell effect aloud (that's allowed) and my character translated it as "Just hit and go back, the dragon is too slow to surprise you with a hit".

Then the ranger, level 7, 15 feet from the dragon, takes his bow and attacks the dragon, only once, and misses, then says "I end my turn". The DM, who never asks this, asked "Are you sure?". The player answered "yes". I facepalmed. The DM says "you could have multiattacked and fetched an advantage by going melee". The paladin makes the random note that "multiattack is a very nice feature".

The very next turn is the paladin's turn, level 6, 20 feet from the dragon, goes in melee and attacks with their weapon, and hits. But no smite. Then moves back and says "I end my turn". I facepalmed again. The DM repeated his question, "are you sure?", which he never ever asked before the previous turn! The paladin's player said "yes". The DM reminds the player that he said "multiattack is a very nice feature so why didn't you use it?" - The paladin player says that his character is badly wounded and that it makes sense that he's not giving all he can. I facepalmed again.

The next turn, the dragon escaped. We later learned that it had 20 HP left, basically we were 1-2 hits away from killing it.

Now the ranger player has a difficulty retaining all his character's capabilities, and the paladin player is customary of random handling of their character and finding weird excuses to explain it when we show it to him.

How can I explain to them that they should pay attention to what each other character say, and that at this point my fun is greatly reduced because we try to make it easy for them to understand the situation and they just don't pay attention, and do random, unthought actions instead?

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Answers to questions and assumptions made in comments and other answers.

• While I personnally want to play optimally, I accept that everybody doesn't play like that and has different playstyle. I don't want to play a tactical game, even though between the DM, the monk and myself, it's clear that we're the three trying to optimize our moves. However, I don't want everybody to play optimally, but also, I don't think it's wise to play against a dragon (our first in this campaign) just like we're level 1 players.
• This campaign started in January 2019 (so is running for 2.5 years), with one session every 4 weeks, plus a few extras during last year's confinment. Both the ranger and the paladin started the campaign, I joined in November 2019. We passed level 5 last year (that's the level where both players got multiattack). The ranger plays 3 TTRPG each month but I believe his introduction to TTRPG was with our campaign. The paladin plays several TTRPG each month as well and has been playing for a long time before our campaign started.
• I don't believe the paladin made their move intentionnally, but I may be wrong. As mentioned, the paladin has a background of trying to roleplay mistakes as if it was intended. I believe this is what happened in this scenario.

Answer 1

It sounds to me like you're running some intermediate players in an expert-mode game.

I think it's completely ridiculous to have a ban on talking about mechanical terms at the table. D&D is a complicated game with a lot of intricate interactions that can be hard to keep track of even for expert players. Making it illegal to even talk about that complexity just makes the game even more difficult, especially for players who just aren't that invested in learning all the rules by memory.

Vaguely hinting that a player could possibly do more and then acting all grumpy and superior when the player doesn't pick up on it is exactly the kind of thing that's going to frustrate people who don't know the game rules off the top of their heads. The DM giving a clear and concise reminder like "Remember that you have Extra Attack now, so you can make two attack rolls" or "You can shoot arrows if you want to, but as a reminder, the dragon is prone right now, so melee attacks get advantage" is a vastly better way to help players without coming off like a jerk. But you have, as a group, decided to prioritize supposed "realism" over communicating clearly, I guess, so the price of that is that some of the players will miss things and fail to understand why the DM and more experienced players keep dropping vague hints and harassing them about being sure.

In my experience, there are some players who absolutely hate even the implication that they have made a mistake, and it's particularly common among intermediate-level players. They're beyond the beginner stage where they need to be guided through things, but have not yet reached mastery (and may never get there*). They resent "helpful" advice, often characterizing it as "trying to play my character for me" or "being a know-it-all". They feel like they're pretty good at the game, and being told they've done it wrong (or worse, not wrong, but merely 'sub-optimally') makes them feel like the 'expert' is being pushy rather than helpful. I know -- I've been the expert player. I didn't mean anything but to help, but it came off like trying to grab the steering wheel away from them and caused a major problem at the table.

I don't think the Paladin honestly did that on purpose. They forgot about their extra attack, and made up an excuse to pretend they totally meant to do that. Which is childish but honestly, I'm not sure I can blame them in this situation.

*Some players simply don't have the ability or interest to learn all of a massive rule-set by heart. I know players who've been playing D&D for over 20 years and 5th edition since it came out, but will still ask things like "What does 'prone' do, again?" We all have a limited amount a brain-space, and some people aren't willing or able to dedicate that much of it to D&D. Heck, even I get rules wrong and have to be corrected, and I'm usually the walking rules encyclopedia at my table.

Answer 2

Discuss the type of game you should have

The answer of "talk to them" comes up so often it is almost trite on this site, but it is the correct answer a lot of the time.

In this particular case, I recommend talking to the entire table specifically about the type of game you want to have because I suspect there is a disagreement about that at least implicitly. I get the feeling you want a highly tactical game where everyone is, if not ruthlessly optimizing, at least making tactically sound decisions. This is not only a valid style of play, I suspect it is the most common version within DnD-5e and the one the designers expect most players will take.

However, your other comments make me suspect that is not the way some of the other players see it. You say that the "The paladin player says that his character is badly wounded and that it makes sense that he's not giving all he can." Now, its possible this is excuse because he just really didn't want to admit that he forgot a feature. But it could be that the player is sufficiently devoted to story and role-playing the character that he wants to follow it even at the loss of tactical advantage. Done too much or done poorly, this could lead to "My Guy Syndrome". It is in fact, not a playstyle I would recommend even as someone who generally favors story over a tactical game. But done reasonably, it too can be a valid playstyle even if much less common.

The fact your DM does not allow you to say technical things about the game also got my attention. He could be doing this to try to increase immersion and encourage exactly the type of devotion to role-playing that the paladin says he was engaging in. Again, this is perfectly valid, but it seems like it clashes with your play style.

So, talk to the entire table but center on the type of game you want to play. Let them know what you want, which I suspect is a game that is more tactically centered. Discuss the fact that too much devotion to roleplaying can impact tactics and that you like to focus on the tactics.

It may also help to remind everyone that in DnD lost hit points do not necessarily translate into narrative injuries and can reflect merely reduced ability to avoid damage going forward. In particular, as Peter Cordes helpfully explained, enemies in DnD are effectively at full strength until they are at 0 hit points.

It is probably not productive to express your disappointment. Depending on your friends' personalities, that could easily lead to a fight or quiet resentment. However, constructive feedback presented politely is often appreciated and requests to do things that help you enjoy the game should be at least recognized by your group.

Discuss whether the rule against talking about technical things is helping or hurting the game.

You may also want to talk to the table, but the DM specifically, about removing the restriction on discussing technical matters. It is a perfectly valid rule for some tables, but it is not one any table I have ever been at has used. Your fun, and your group's tactical effectiveness as a whole, might improve if the more experienced players can provide tactical advice or at least rule reminders to the other players.

That is extremely common at almost every table I have ever played at in any system. In fact, the one time it was discouraged in my experience was at a LARP a friend talked me into going to and as a first time LARPer it caused me a lot of problems for a few sessions. Discussing technical matters even has a basis in real life. While no one has detailed discussions of strategic theory in the middle of a firefight, communication is key in a real tactical battle on modern battlefields and directions, orders, and advice are often shouted out.

GMJoe helpfully provided a link to this question which may help address the advantages and disadvantages of the "no technical discussions" at the table rule. I have no personal experience with such a rule in a TTRPG but based on my experience in a LARP and the discussion at that question, I believe that such a rule would generally have more disadvantages than advantages and based on your question I believe the rule conflicts with your personal playstyle.

Consider helping the other players make reference sheets

It sounds like some of the problems come from the other players forgetting key rules. Helping the other player prepare reminder sheets about their abilities and tactical considerations they should remember in combat may help, especially if the rule against discussing technical matters at the table remains in place.

Answer 3

I once had a teammate who I felt was playing badly.

I tried talking to him about it. I asked him if he could try to play his character more effectively. He said: "No, you don't get to tell me how to play my character. I will play my character the way I want to, and you can play your character the way you want to."

(I think this may have happened more than once. I was a fairly aggressive optimizer when I was first learning how to play. That was D&D 3.5e, where optimizing was more important.)

Eventually I gave up on asking people to play differently. I learned that, if players are doing what I want instead of what they want, they're not going to have fun. I learned to identify the worst offenders and try to avoid playing games with them.

I still think it's worth talking to your fellow players about the issue you're having, but I want to set expectations that it's probably not going to work.

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There's another thing I've done a couple of times. There have been times when I realized that my character was the only one in the group who was actually trying. What I did was I roleplayed my character accurately. My character politely left the group and went to try to find a better group to adventure with. I retired that character and brought in a new character that would be a better fit for the group.

In your case this would mean retiring your bard character and bringing in a new character who didn't care as much if the group was fighting effectively.

It's up to you to decide if this is something you would enjoy doing, but (based on my experience) it's likely it would solve your problem of being annoyed by your teammates.

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(Note: I actually think Darth Pseudonym's answer is correct, and this is a case of player error being disguised as roleplaying. I'll leave this answer here purely for completeness.)

Answer 4

As TimothyAWiseman already explained in their answer, it is very well possible that you are experiencing a case of conflicting agendas: you want the dragon to die as fast as possible, because it is advantageous to the state of the game, while the paladin and the bard's players wanted to realistically roleplay their characters not wanting to get into melee (whether this was true or just a reaction to criticism about their choices, I'm unable to discern).

I've seen somebody suggesting to have an out of game discussion about how characters in your game should act, and in my long-time DM and player experience I've only seen it go two opposite ways:

• the other players would like to keep playing their characters' fears even if they are detrimental to the effectiveness of combat (thus risking more character deaths, which I don't think anybody wants, at least not in a D&D game), or
• the other players agree that it would be a good idea to try to keep characters alive and accomplish tasks successfully.

Luckily, these two objectives are not incompatible and I'm going to offer a way that works very well in environments like yours where you all want to roleplay your characters without talking about mechanics.

Have your character be disappointed at their fellow adventurers and criticize their character's behaviour in-game ("It was wounded, we might have been able to take it down!", "I told you it was safe to go in, why didn't you?"), then talk about strategies and tactics and trust in-game. Next time, it will be in-character for their PCs to multiattack.

Before doing so, however, pitch the idea to the players as a way to reconcile your playing styles and get their approval. If it's done right and all players are up to it, I feel like it's a wonderful way of roleplaying a team getting better at their job over time. Like it happens in movies. And it's been a great moment for all groups where I've had the chance to do it...

...with one caveat. If the group is more interested in fighting and looting and getting things done than in roleplaying characters, as some groups are, the idea of "wasting time" by roleplaying inter-party interactions might not be appreciated. Your group doesn't look like that to me, but you know them better than any of us.

(If the problem was indeed players not remembering their options, cheat sheets are the way to go, like Timothy suggested.)

Answer 5

DnD's major selling point is letting you make nonstandard choices.

Here you've got two completely different actions that you're conflating into one - the player playing the Ranger forgot that his character could attack twice, and the player playing the Paladin decided that his character should only attack once due to being wounded (roleplaying).

Many of these answers here are telling you that people react poorly to being told what to do in a game, even if it would improve their winning chances. However they don't really get into why. This isn't just 'people being petty and defeating the group endeavour!' or whatever. DnD is about letting you go do whatever in the game, that's why it has a human deciding what happens. There are far better tactical tabletop wargames, droves of the things. There are far prettier and more interactive video games about blastin' demons. These are both activities you can do with other people, that do those parts of DnD in a more fun and more interesting way.

But what DnD offers that those activities don't is freedom of choice. You want to kidnap the mayor because you're convinced he's behind the disappearances? You can. You want to run away instead of fighting? You can. You want to pat the dog? You can pat the dog.

So if you start telling people what to do, what you are threatening to do is take away that freedom of choice. Most people won't articulate it in those terms but they will react far more negatively to being told what to do in DnD than to, being told how to chop the avocado so it will fit in the blender (or whatever). And they are not wrong to do so. It's like going kayaking and someone tells you you don't need an oar on this river. It's far more the flavour of sabotage, from their point of view, than friendly advice, even if you genuinely don't think that they need an oar.

TLDR, your fun is trying to minmax a win using game mechanics vs mechanical obstacles and that's fine. But other people's fun is often other things and they also get to have fun. The point of the game isn't roleplaying OR mechanical challenge solving, it's both.

So what should you do about the situation?

Remind the Ranger that he can attack twice with this phrase (or similar); 'Remember you get to attack twice'. Don't make a big deal about it.

The paladin was making a roleplaying choice. By your description, the Ranger forgot. Remind the guy that forgot. Don't remind the guy that is making a roleplaying decision, as he clearly knows.

But won't the party die and isn't that bad?

The GM clearly knows that not everyone is going to be playing mathematically optimally. You encountered a dragon, people made suboptimal choices, and you won. GM is doing his job by presenting encounters taking into account player skill/choices as well as character math, and apparently doing a pretty good job of it. If you all were playing optimally, he'd have to present harder encounters - this would not meaningfully change the game.

Answer 6

Your DM already did what you should do

Based on your description these players made two separate less than optimal turns. They both attacked, but didn't do the exact optimal attacks. After that turn the DM told them what they could have done to be optimal. That is how you teach people to fight better.

Answer 7

Tell them what's on your mind!

We're not allowed to say technical things about the game.

So you're not allowed to say "use your multiattack", but you are surely allowed to say "Hit him again!" which is in character and not a technical thing about the game.

In a comment, you say...

That was done. Check the fourth paragraph

which is..

Just hit and go back, the dragon is too slow to surprise you with a hit

... but in the heat of battle that might not be clear enough, especially if the GM asks "are you sure?" which is also an opportunity for you to shout "HIT HIM AGAIN!" as the character might if they saw their comrade hesitate during the "are you sure?" moment.

Answer 8

A lot of players hate being told how to play their characters, and don't respond well to assistance. They like doing what they like. As a player there's less you can do. Suggesting things in combat is rarely ideal, unless you have a good vibe with them as other players often get resentful of you controlling their characters. The DM is better able to fix things, and you can talk to them about them. They can do these things.

Have enemies demonstrate special abilities.

If an enemy ranger has multi attack and repeatedly uses it to attack you, doing extremely well because of it, players often quickly learn to use their own abilities well. I've made good use of this with enemy combatants, letting a weaker enemy combatant shine by using a PC ability well. Players tend to like competing with enemies.

You can also have friendly NPCs use such abilities, and suggest their allies use them as well. Make sure they're weaker than the PCs, to avoid the issues of DM PCs, but strong enough to do better if the PCs don't use their abilities.

Have bad encounters which pressure them due to their lack of abilities.

Pain and failure are great teachers. If players don't use their abilities well they won't succeed at their goals. Challenging encounters where player abilities can swing encounters are great for encouraging use of them. If the game is too easy, they may see no need to use such abilities.

This also makes suggesting tactics more organic. If the players complain about how hard an encounter is, you can say "Yeah, I balanced the encounter around you having abilities xyz, I can't believe you didn't use them."

Make sure the game has stuff they care about.

If they don't really care about the game and just want to spend some time with friends or such, they might not care about playing well. As such, as DM you need to make sure you include things they want if they succeed, like treasure, prestige, or social connections, so that they want to do well. I've often had players play badly because they just didn't care.

You can suggest this to the DM, but you can't do it. From personal experience, a lot of other players are resentful at being told how to play their characters. Your DM, and you have tried, and it didn't work. Often experience is the only way forward.