The Great Key Mix-Up

Question

You're plant-sitting for your friend while he's gone on vacation. Upon getting to the front door, you take out the key ring he gave you. There are a few different keys on it all mixed together. You can’t recall which is the one for his condo. Unfortunately, his advanced home security system will go off if you try the wrong one.

You decide to check your last communication with him to try and find some clues as to which one is the correct one. Your friend is prone to rambling, but on occasion, he can slip in vital information. After searching a while you find the following e-mail:

Howdy,

I bet you want to know how my vacay is going. I don’t know how to begin...me and David...wait I don’t think you know David.

I used to bunk with him, back when I was in that flat, in uni. Go Sigma Chi Gamma! David was obsessed with Tony Hawk. One time, he messed up a lamp doing a move. We spent so much time fixing the damn thing, we didn't submit a Spanish essay on time. We dashed to campus with haste. Once the essays had been submitted and collected we found out we had passed by a tiny amount, no thanks to David.

Anyway back to the vacay, we sat in the jet maybe 45 minutes then the cabin began shaking! The oxygen masks came down, it was one heck of a flight! My hand was tight on my seat, hoping we’d make it. We touched down safe though. We got to Spain, found the BnB and set down the suitcases. Oh, on the way I spotted this gecko; he was quite the scary one too.

I saw a newt that was just about the same when I was young. It was when I was fishing with my dad, as a kid. My pops and I went fishing tons of times back then. He had this one ancient rule.

“If it ain’t busted, no need fixing it”, he often said on fishing outings.

Oh, on the topic of fishing, someone phished my WoW account. I think it was a mage I met two weeks ago. I was in a dungeon, and I had about 3 HP, so I was just shouting into my mic “Can you heal me? Anyone? Can anyone hear me?” Nobody said anything, so I took his chest at the end. Maybe that upset him, so he enacted vengeance.

On the subject of chests, the key to get into my condo gets mixed up often.

So, you must know: The light one is the heavy one.

I must go now, David wants to go swimming. He’s chatting with a poor boy at the moment.

Ciao!

After reading the e-mail over a few more times, and looking down at the key-ring you feel lost. But then, it hits you! You know exactly which keys have been mixed up, you feel them out and unlock the door on your first try.

Which keys were mixed up?

Answer 1

Is your friend part Japanese? Because it appears that

he mixes up his “r”s and “l”s (in fact, from the OP, the “r” and “l” keys on his keyboard are swapped, hence the question “which keys were mixed up”), substituting one for the other, his comments make more sense.

Some places where he does this (there may be some I missed):

in that flat, in uni $ \rightarrow $ in that frat, in uni
he messed up a lamp $ \rightarrow $ he messed up a ramp
submitted and collected $ \rightarrow $ submitted and corrected
one heck of a flight $ \rightarrow $ one heck of a fright
quite the scary one $ \rightarrow $ quite the scaly one
one ancient rule $ \rightarrow $ one ancient lure
“Can you heal me? Anyone? Can anyone hear me?” $ \rightarrow $ heal is swapped for hear, and vice versa (though it doesn’t change the meaning)
chatting with a poor boy $ \rightarrow $ chatting with a pool boy

Thus, I believe the key that opens your friend’s condo is

the heavy one, since the message at the end would read “The right one is the heavy one.”