In linearized general relativity indices are raised and lowerd by contracion with the flat space metric tensor $\eta_{\mu \nu}$. I don't really understand why we can do that. In the book gravitational waves by Michele Maggiore this is just called a "convention". That seems very weird to me, because raised and lowered indices have a geometrical meaning and I feel like such a convention would have consequences.
In other sources I found the short explanation, that using $\eta_{\mu \nu}$ instead of $g_{\mu \nu}(x)$ is an approximation which is correct to linear order in the perturbation $h_{\mu \nu}(x)$. This makes more sense to me, but nowhere was I provided some kind of calculation that proves this and trying myself, I failed to do it and came across some contradiction:
In linear theory the metric tensor is
$$g_{\mu \nu}(x) = \eta_{\mu \nu}+h_{\mu \nu}(x)~~~~~~~~~~\text{with}~|h_{\mu \nu}| \ll 1 $$
To find the linearized Christophel Symbols, one needs to find the inverse metric tensor $g^{\mu \nu}$ first. I found the following derivation, where raising indices via $\eta$ is used:
The Ansatz is $g^{\mu \nu}(x)=\eta^{\mu \nu} + \bar{h}^{\mu \nu}(x)~~~~~~~~~~\text{with}~|\bar{h}_{\mu \nu}| \ll 1$
then
$$g^{\mu \nu}g_{\nu \kappa}=\delta^\mu_\kappa$$
$$\Leftrightarrow~~~ \eta^{\mu \nu}\eta_{\nu \kappa}+\eta^{\mu \nu}h_{\nu \kappa}+\bar{h}^{\mu \nu}\eta_{\nu \kappa} + \bar{h}^{\mu\nu}h_{\nu\kappa} = \delta^\mu_\kappa $$
using $\eta^{\mu\nu}\eta_{\nu\kappa}=\delta^\mu_\kappa$ and ignoring the $\mathcal{O}(h^2)$ term we get
$$\eta^{\mu\nu}h_{\nu\kappa}=-\bar{h}^{\mu\nu}\eta_{\nu\kappa}$$
$$\Leftrightarrow~~~h^\mu_\kappa=-\bar{h}^\mu_\kappa$$
In the last step the index was raised with the flat space metric. So we end up with:
$$g^{\mu \nu}(x)=\eta^{\mu\nu}-h^{\mu\nu}(x)$$
Now my first problem is:
If I can just lower and raise indices of tensors with $\eta^{\mu\nu}$, why not just do that with $g_{\mu\nu}$ which is a tensor too? That would give:
$$g^{\mu\nu}(x)~=~\eta^{\mu\alpha}\eta^{\nu\beta}g_{\alpha\beta}(x)~=~\eta^{\mu\alpha}\eta^{\nu\beta}\eta_{\alpha\beta}+\eta^{\mu\alpha}\eta^{\nu\beta}h_{\alpha\beta}(x)~=~\eta^{\mu\alpha}\delta^\nu_\alpha+h^{\mu\nu}(x)~=~\eta^{\mu\nu}+h^{\mu\nu}(x)$$
But that is not what the first calculation gives...
My second problem is, that I just don't see how to justify the usage of $\eta_{\mu\nu}$ for raising and lowering indices. In linearized GR there is some symmetry under coordinate transformations
$$x^\mu \rightarrow x'^\mu=x^\mu+\xi^\mu(x)~~~~~~~\text{with}~|\partial_\nu\xi^\mu|\ll 1~~~~~~(1)$$
I would expect that under such coordinate transformations the components of contravariant vectors $A^\mu$ and covariant vectors $A_\mu$ would transform (up to linear order) in the common way, i.e
$$A'^\mu = \frac{\partial x'^\mu}{\partial x^\nu}A^\nu~~~~~~~~~~\text{and}~~~~~~~~~~A'_\mu=\frac{\partial x^\nu}{\partial x'^\mu}A_\nu$$
But if I put this to a test I get:
$$A'_\mu~=~\eta_{\mu\nu}A'^\nu~=~\eta_{\mu\nu}\frac{\partial x'^\nu}{\partial x^\alpha}A^\alpha~=~\eta_{\mu\nu}\frac{\partial x'^\nu}{\partial x^\alpha}\eta^{\alpha\beta}A_\beta~~~~~~(2)$$
plugging (1) into (2) I get
$$A'_\mu=\eta_{\mu\nu}\eta^{\alpha\beta}\left(\delta^\nu_\alpha +\frac{\partial \xi^\nu}{\partial x^\alpha}\right)A_\beta~=~\left(\delta^\beta_\mu+\eta_{\mu\nu}\eta^{\alpha\beta}\frac{\partial\xi^\nu}{\partial x^\alpha}\right)A_\beta$$
But what I would want to get is
$$A'_\mu=\frac{\partial x^\beta}{\partial x'^\mu}A_\beta~=~\left(\delta^\beta_\mu-\frac{\partial\xi^\beta}{\partial x'^\mu}\right)A_\beta$$
So I don't know how I can justify lowering indices via $\eta_{\mu\nu}$, if by doing so I don't get a covariant vector that transforms as covariant vectors do... I would be thankful if anybody finds my mistakes or knows, where I can read up on this.