How do I let my dog know I'm not going to hurt her

Question

I just recently got a puppy, and the training has been going very bad. It has been 3 weeks and she won't potty outside unless I coax her into it.

My mom told me to rub her face in pee and spank her in case she has an accident. So I was sitting in my room with her when she defecated onto my floor, so I got up and put her face in it, then spanked her 4 times. After that I put her in the cage, and when I went to close the latch she bit me, which resulted in bleeding. On impulse I grabbed her and smacked her snout 6 times, then put her on the floor. She then proceeded to pee on the floor, so I spanked her 1 time and rubbed her face in the pee.

She has been hiding in the corner for the last hour, and when I approach her she whines. I feel terrible, and I should probably just tell the police I'm a dog abuser, because I hit her so many times. I'm afraid I'll lose my emotional connection with her. I love her and I never meant to hurt her. I was doing what I was told. I just don't want her to try to kill me when she's big. This is the first time this happened, but I'm afraid I've completely destroyed our relationship.

Answer 1

One: Forget your mom's advice about dog-training, she seems to have some really outdated information.
Now, about the puppy: you need patience now. A LOT of it. That's what puppies often need. Have treats with you, sit somewhere in her sight. Throw treat, let her eat it. Throw another. Do NOT sit facing her, but sideways, so she can approach you on her own terms.
How old is she? Puppies up to a certain age are NOT ABLE to fully control their bladder. You cannot blame her for that. When she has an accident, IGNORE HER, and quietly clean it up. Use a cleaner that will get rid of the smell, too.
Also, look up "submissive peeing". Peeing may be a sign of submitting to you, NOT of wanting to mark territory, trying to annoy you, or anything like that.
Also, for further training: dogs, especially puppies, LOVE treats, but they ALSO love attention! Whenever she does anything you find desirable, praise her. Whenever she does something wrong that you can safely ignore, ignore it. When she does something undesirable you cannot ignore (danger to her, damaging things), redirect her: first, gently push her away, then, when she has stopped the behaviour, give her some awesome alternative: chew toys work well with puppies!
I hope that helps. Dog-training has come quiet a long way since dominance-theory and making the dog submissive to you. Look into any reward-based training you feel will work for you! And enjoy life with your puppy :).

Answer 2

So you've been doing something, and returned to greet your puppy, and the puppy peed. Or perhaps you were walking between rooms, and discovered a little smelly present on the carpet.

You must force yourself to think of one thing and one thing only- the mess.

Time has stopped. The world does not exist. The puppy does not exist. Ignore everything except the mess. There is only the mess! Maybe you feel angry, or frustrated, or disgusted. If you do, those feelings are only about the mess. Proceed immediately to the cabinet where the cleaning supplies are located and return directly to the mess. The puppy may try to follow you and observe your actions. It doesn't matter, the puppy does not exist. Only the mess exists, and you are a robot. The mess must be eliminated with extreme prejudice. It is your entire existence, your universe. Wipe, rub, scrub, spray, toss. Lather, rinse, repeat. Hoover- it beats as it sweeps. Nothing else matters.

Ah, but now the mess is gone. Time resumes. The world and the puppy return to your reality. You are yourself. And you are happy. I repeat, you are HAPPY. Spell it with me, H-A-P-P-Y. Time to celebrate. How about sweetly talking and giving ear rubs to that neat puppy of yours? Awesome way to celebrate if you ask me.