How do I make a cat understand something is wrong?

Question

I'm currently trying to sleep after my 3 month old kitten broke one of my favorite frames into pieces. He knows he's not supposed to be on that shelf. I've consistently forbidden him, never let him reach it, said "no" countless times, put him on the floor if he even reached with his front paws, which he did a couple times, after seeing a shiny bracelet that caught his attention, but he didn't show that much interest besides that. Yet, it didn't matter. And I saw him do it. It was not an accident, he didn't simply bumped it aside. He deliberately pushed it off the shelf with his paw and watched it fall and explode on the floor. He's been here for almost 2 months. This came out of the blue.

I've had a cat for 16 and a half years before. She never did such things, so I'm desperate. My aunt has 6 cats and they never do this sort of thing. I've listened to her advice about being firm, consistent, etc. Doesn't make a difference.

He also spent the whole day throwing a book and a pair of glasses on the floor from the bedside table every second I turned around. If I looked at him, he would sometimes run guilty, but sometimes he'd just completely ignore my warnings and keep conscientiously misbehaving.

He doesn't respond to blowing on his face, touching his nose, and even if I pick him up to put him on the floor, he bites so fast and hard, it barely gives me a chance. He often play bites, too, at least I think that's his point half the time I reach my hand to pet him. I take my hand away, tell him not to do it, even removed myself from his presence. It doesn't work. Many times I am not even interacting with him, and he runs to me or my boyfriend and bites. It's OK when I can get away, but when we're laying down to sleep and he runs at our arms and fingers, it hurts.

People have referred to lemon helping to keep them away from places. Zero effectiveness with my cat. He likes lemon. Everything people told me to do, and everything I read about, he either likes it instead of being displeased, or is not affected whatsoever.

I do not understand. I always treated him kindly, he eats good food, his litter box is cleaned everyday and changed regularly, too, we play with him, we love him and show it, I just don't understand what else to do.

He's so tiny and cute and sweet to us when he's calm. He lets us pet him everywhere, pick him up, kiss him wherever we want. Heck, I can have my nose on him if I want to, we just sync and chill.

Why is he so double-sided? What could I be doing wrong?

Answer 1

He's not trying to annoy you or misbehave. You are reading emotions into his behavior that he almost certainly does not feel. You are hurt and angry because of his behavior, so your reactions are probably making things worse.

Cats are very different than dogs and people. Dogs, like us, evolved to live in packs. They have a concept of pack leader, and know that it's important to please the pack leader. So a dog will avoid doing certain things that he knows will displease the pack leader (his owner). If you're angry, your dog will be unhappy. Cats, however, are solitary hunters; they do not recognize a leader. If you're angry, your cat will just be confused or frightened. Cats do love us, but they don't have an inbuilt urge to please us the way dogs do. Cats can definitely be trained, but you need to understand their differences.

Also, it's not fair to compare your kitten to the 16 year-old cat that you had. Your kitten has an overwhelming biological urge to explore his environment; that's how they learn. He gets bored easily. He won't be a kitten forever. When he's a few years old, he will probably be much calmer and will behave more in line with your expectations.

First, I recommend that you provide lots of toys for your kitten. They needn't be expensive; cardboard tubes, walnuts, wadded-up paper, and boxes make great toys.

Next, play with your kitten every day. Really wear him out! A tired cat is a well-behaved cat.

I also suggest that you watch the TV series "My Cat from Hell" with Jackson Galaxy, particularly the first season. Much of the series is on You Tube, but it would be worth purchasing the DVD set. You'll learn to see things from a cat's point of view, which will help you solve the problems you're experiencing.

He knows he's not supposed to be on that shelf.

No, all he knows is that if he tries to go to that shelf when you're around, something exciting or unpleasant will happen.

He deliberately pushed it off the shelf with his paw and watched it fall and explode on the floor.

Yes, he wanted to see what would happen. Or maybe he was just bored. If you don't want your things broken, the simplest solution is to attach them to the shelf or wall so they can't be moved.

Also, you can put a small roll of tape on the shelf. When he jumps onto the shelf, the tape will get stuck on his paws, which will deter him from jumping up there again. However, the tape will upset him, so only use it when you're around to remove it for him.

He also spent the whole day throwing a book and a pair of glasses on the floor from the bedside table every second I turned around. If I looked at him, he would sometimes run guilty, but sometimes he'd just completely ignore my warnings and keep conscientiously misbehaving.

He was probably bored, and looking for some excitement, which you provided every time you reacted! A better approach would have been to play with him or introduce a toy that he could play with.

He often play bites, too, at least I think that's his point half the time I reach my hand to pet him.

Make sure that you never use your hands as toys. If he bites, don't get angry (which will only frighten him). Don't react at all; just walk away. When he learns that biting triggers the end of playtime, he will stop doing it.

I do not understand. I always treated him kindly...

He doesn't understand your behavior either. But when you learn to understand the psychology of cats better, you will have a more comfortable relationship.