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My 10-year-old nephew is doing 5th standard schooling. He is normally doesn't do too much, mostly playing video games and watching movies. His education progress is also good.

Yesterday, I heard about his embarrassing behavior from my sister and she's really worried about it. When I first heard about it, I laughed and then I realized the seriousness of problem. My nephew usually goes to school by school bus. In that bus, he proposed to one girl like "I Love YOU, Say, Yes or NO". This is not a one time occurence. He frequently did this 3 times in a week.

My sister wants me to talk to him about this. Now I'm not sure what to say to him. I don't want restrict him. I want him to be independent. I want him to be creative and self-assured. How to explain this is not love!?

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    I assume your sister is the mother. Why isn't she (or his father) talking to him about it? Not that you can't or shouldn't, just feels like it should come from the parents first (plus the perspective of a girl would probably be good as well).
    – haylem
    Commented Sep 20, 2013 at 7:36
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    Sounds like he has troubles to make proper social interaction. Maybe because he "normally doesn't do too much, mostly playing video games and watching movies".
    – TwoThe
    Commented Apr 17, 2014 at 1:02

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Parents First

I assume your sister is the mother. Why isn't she (or his father) talking to him about it? Not that you can't or shouldn't, just feels like it should come from the parents first.

Plus the perspective of a girl would probably be good as well, as she could explain why this situation would make her feel bad if she were the girl being asked like that.

Now, assuming that's been done or can't be done for some reason, moving on...

Doesn't Seem That Out of the Ordinary

He's 10 years old, probably has no clue what real love is, and is just feeling attracted to a girl. It's not that bad that he's interested in her and showing.

What could be improved is that:

  • he shouldn't obsess over it or fixate on it,
  • he should respect the girl's wishes if she turns him down,
  • he should not ask that as an ultimatum.

Just tell him that he probably wouldn't liked to be coerced into a relationship, and that he wouldn't want someone he doesn't "love" to bug him every other day.

Plus with so many cheesy teen - or not necessarily teen-oriented - movies out there preaching that perseverence to the extent of stalking is they to winning your dearly beloved's heart, I can imagine the kid's confusion. Maybe he just thinks that's how it's supposed to be.

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Young boys at that age are actually discovering attraction, it seems normal, but the child does need male advice. If there is no father around, a sensible uncle, teacher or close friend of the family can help. The most important issue is to point out the difference in LIKING a girl and LOVING her. Secondly, explain the fact that we will have many rejections in life, and that this is also normal. Once you understand you will have to deal with it. Last but not least; the child with that attitude needs a lot of love and support from his family, he needs to KNOW he is loved and therefore will have more self esteem.

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    I remember a few years back a 10 year old classmate of my daughter's came up to me very seriously and asked if he had my permission to take her out. I treated him with all due respect and gave him permission. Then before he had actually talked to her he started announcing he had dumped her. What we adults see as temporary infatuation from years of experience is very real and immediate to the kids, even if it is transient. However, I know of at least one couple that started going out when they were 10 and are approaching their 40th wedding anniversary.
    – pojo-guy
    Commented Mar 8, 2017 at 17:20

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