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My wife and I have a lot of problems with our 30-year-old son. I am 62 years old and my wife is 56 years old. We have only one child, our son has a problem with depression and pessimism of ancestry to others from 10 years ago. Because of his high tensions for us and sometimes physical conflict, we had to oblige him to separate from us and live elsewhere. Many times we tried to connect him to a psychologist, but he refused every time.

Because of huge stress , unfortunately My wife was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and after one year she has been diagnosed with MS since four years ago.

Still, our son puts severe mental pressure on my sick wife and me with his daily calls. He is pessimistic towards everyone and uses rude and hateful words.

Unfortunately, he does not accept any way to treat himself and only believes that he will relax by smoking marijuana.

Please guide me, considering that my wife is sick, how can we be freed? Or how can we treat our son?

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    What do you understand about boundaries? Have you set any with your son? What were the boundaries and how did he react? That will help us to help you. Also, have you and/or your wife ever seen a therapist to help you deal with the stresses your child causes you?
    – anongoodnurse
    Commented Mar 8, 2023 at 22:44
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    Yes , we have mentioned our son about boundaries. sometimes he accept but after a while he back to starting point , and sometimes he is just saying that " I don't have only you and you have to stay with me" . regarding therapist, yes my wife and I visited therapist several time, our therapist just wanted to visit our son that he rejected . also our therapist advised us to ignore our son's phone calls.
    – Bruce
    Commented Mar 10, 2023 at 17:27
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    He is 30 years old. You cannot help an adult who does not want to be helped. You have zero legal obligation to "stay with him", and any moral obligation surely does not include having to endure abuse. Listen to your therapist. Decide how and how often he can contact you and what minimum standard of civility he has to adher to, and strictly block anything else.
    – Michael Borgwardt
    Commented Mar 14, 2023 at 11:05
  • I was unfortunate to have both a sister and a mother who later in their lives decided that whenever they rang me, after a short period of civility they descended into abuse. After some discussions with friends and a counsellor I was seeing at the time, it was suggested to me that I would never ring them and if they rang me I would limit the time they were on the phone to no longer than about 5 minutes but if they descended into abuse at any point, they had been reminded that I would immediately hang up. I cannot say they improved but I felt a great deal less abused and upset about these calls.
    – Nikki
    Commented Jul 27, 2023 at 10:59

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