You are thinking in a very polarized way about what is not — to my knowledge — a hard and strict rule.

My understanding on the Stack Exchange pronoun policy is that one should only concern themselves with pronoun usage if they person being talked to cares. Meaning if they don’t care, you don’t care.

I don’t think any users need to be “educated” here. But I believe users should be aware of the fact some users might desire pronoun respect.

I think part of the core problem with the new “Code of Conduct” and the pronoun policy is simple: It’s not that there’s anything unreasonable being asked for, but the policy was rolled out like a boulder falling on top of Wile E. Coyote.

As it stands, I am relatively new to this whole kerfuffle, but the Code of Conduct on its own seems 100% fine. The way it was implemented — and the mods/users it alienated as a result — is part of the problem.

And — personally — think the fact non-native speakers/writers (aka: non-English/non-Western) were not factored into the pronoun discussion is really face-palm worthy. Other cultures might not have an understanding of what this means… Especially when many people in the Western/English-speaking world are not 100% clear on it either.

Anyway, if someone asks:

“So what am I supposed to do now? Refer to everyone as ee and eir?”

The answer should simply be:

“Only if that person requests as much. You should just be aware if someone says something, there is a reason for that.”

I see this somewhat similar to the use of “Happy Holidays” in the United States. As a (first) American born secular Jew, I have always found someone wishing me a “Merry Christmas!” to be mildly oppressive; I live in NYC and honestly telling people I didn’t celebrate Christmas was a painful experience that often led to questions about how Jewish I was and blah, blah, blah… And I live in NYC where this should not be an issue, but still, right?

This all comes down to what should be basic respect and not some oppressive rule enforcing.

Then again — as I stated above — the rollout of this Code of Conduct was just an abysmal affair of good intentions gone awry.

Anyway, Happy Holidays to all!

I didn't mean any disrespect, and I apologize if it seemed otherwise.

In case it helps, I will explain a bit about my motivation for the experiment.

I've sometimes been in the uncomfortable situation where some participants at some SE sites assumed my gender was this or that, despite my preference not to have gendered pronouns used in reference to me. (My profile includes "Pronouns: they, them, their, themselves.") Some moderators have provided the support I've sometimes needed, and some have not, specifically telling me that I was on my own, and that they would not delete any gendered comments that referred to me. (That was before the change in the CoC.)

I had never heard "ey" and "eir" until quite recently, and I was intrigued. I learned that a friend uses these pronouns consistently when teaching, when communicating about a general person, when communicating about a person when gender isn't relevant to what's being said, and in developing board games. I understood it to be an alternative to "they/them," as a way of avoiding unwarranted gender assumptions.

Here is the sentence I wrote that included these pronouns:

... seemed analogous to a graduate student who's been plugging away for a certain number of years and eir advisor suddenly decides ey've been at it long enough and it's time to graduate. (Source)

I'm sorry I wasn't able to respond earlier. I was under suspension.