The Daily Show

"That lie is so extreme that if Trump was Pinocchio, he would have impaled Mitch McConnell in his seat."

"Ladies and gentleman, we have finally arrived."

"It doesn't matter how much they liked you before."

"At this point, we have enough tapes to produce an album."

"Imagine if normal people tried to pull that sh*t in the middle of jury duty?"

"You know you've been sleeping for a long time when an artist has time to sketch your portrait."

"Sometimes people celebrate him in a really ****ed up way."

Another day, another witness.

Never forget your friends, Donald.

"Not since 'Kill Bill' have I seen one woman obliterate that many men in one fell swoop."

"Nothing good happens when white people invite you to the countryside."

Remember the dude who farted on TV?

"Ooh, Pete Buttigieg just called Elizabeth Warren a wealthy person."

"Did these guys just compare impeachment to Pearl Harbor and what happened to Jesus?"

Dream team.

"What are you doing? What are you doing, Joe?"

"You've got to at least watch the full proceedings before you make a determination."

"That's no way to live your life!"

"These books don't help the country."

"It might be a little too little, too late."

"In many ways, the wall is the son Trump always wanted."

"I'm going to vote for the choice that gives me the best chance."

"If there was ever an example of people who got opportunities because of their names, it's these two."

It's a lot.

"If it had a few pictures, Trump himself might even read it."