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OldPadawan
OldPadawan
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> former military and the son/grandson of someone who fought WWII for the wrong side and never recanted their beliefs.

Might be off-topic here, so I put it at the end, in a separate part, but I'll share some personal knowledge here, in case it helps understand your background. But this is no excuse. My father suffered a war as a child, then fought one. He never ever talked about them. Never ever wanted to. Never ever mentioned them. Bad memories like that seem to not be for others, you keep them deeply buried inside and you deal with them your way. And my former father-in-law (German), who refused, at age 14/15, to go and fight during WWII, and surrendered to allies, never ever talked about that, to his daughters, to me, to anyone. We only knew because of the 2 ladies who rescued him before he gets killed and mentioned it once.

So, I'd say that it's no excuse at all, in any case.

> former military and the son/grandson of someone who fought WWII for the wrong side and never recanted their beliefs.

Might be off-topic here, so I put it at the end, in a separate part, but I'll share some personal knowledge here, in case it helps understand your background. But this is no excuse. My father suffered a war as a child, then fought one. He never ever talked about them. Never ever wanted to. Never ever mentioned them. Bad memories like that seem to not be for others, you keep them deeply buried inside and you deal with them your way. And my former father-in-law (German), who refused, at age 14/15, to go and fight during WWII, and surrendered to allies, never ever talked about that, to his daughters, to me, to anyone. We only knew because of the 2 ladies who rescued him before he gets killed and mentioned it once.

So, I'd say that it's no excuse at all, in any case.

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OldPadawan
OldPadawan
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Like many old folks (pretty much all of them I know, actually) I dare to say. Being one of them (old chaps, I mean, not stubborn old horses)1 helps understand what you mean and want to achieve. But, as the old saying goes: "one can not teach old dogs new tricks"1. Suck it up, and don't make things spiralling out of control. That would be the best advice I could give to you.

Like many old folks (pretty much all of them I know, actually) I dare to say. Being one of them (old chaps, I mean, not stubborn old horses)1 helps understand what you mean and want to achieve. But, as the old saying goes: "one can not teach old dogs new tricks". Suck it up, and don't make things spiralling out of control. That would be the best advice I could give to you.

Like many old folks (pretty much all of them I know, actually) I dare to say. Being one of them (old chaps, I mean, not stubborn old horses) helps understand what you mean and want to achieve. But, as the old saying goes: "one can not teach old dogs new tricks"1. Suck it up, and don't make things spiralling out of control. That would be the best advice I could give to you.

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OldPadawan
OldPadawan
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I've face the same kind of situation, twice. Like you, I wanted to improve things, and have the people involved stop or, at least, change their behaviour. Only results I got were 100% negative, ranging from "wilful ignorance" to "patronizing", with a huge (broad) palette of colours and nuances.

  No matter how I would approach the topic, they would just challenge every bit of discussion or idea. To just point the finger at you and your wrong attitude, your lack of understanding or humor... and so on...

I am not willing (and prepared) to fight against windmills for years and years, like Don Quixote. Neither I recommend to people to waste time and energy doing so. What I did was to suck it up, stop talking with them as soon as the "jokes" (or topics poking at you, to tease and/or make you uncomfortable or upset) were igniting, start talking to someone else, switching topics to try and deflect, leaving the room to go elsewhere in the house (even with no or false pretext) and sometimes, forget (for months or years) where the bridge was, without burning it.

I've face the same kind of situation, twice. Like you, I wanted to improve things, and have the people involved stop or, at least, change their behaviour. Only results I got were 100% negative, ranging from "wilful ignorance" to "patronizing", with a huge (broad) palette of colours and nuances.

  No matter how I would approach the topic, they would just challenge every bit of discussion or idea. To just point the finger at you and your wrong attitude, your lack of understanding or humor... and so on...

I am not willing (and prepared) to fight against windmills for years and years, like Don Quixote. Neither I recommend to people to waste time and energy doing so. What I did was to suck it up, stop talking with them as soon as the "jokes" were igniting, start talking to someone else, switching topics to try and deflect, leaving the room to go elsewhere in the house (even with no or false pretext) and sometimes, forget (for months or years) where the bridge was, without burning it.

I've face the same kind of situation, twice. Like you, I wanted to improve things, and have the people involved stop or, at least, change their behaviour. Only results I got were 100% negative, ranging from "wilful ignorance" to "patronizing", with a huge (broad) palette of colours and nuances. No matter how I would approach the topic, they would just challenge every bit of discussion or idea. To just point the finger at you and your wrong attitude, your lack of understanding or humor... and so on...

I am not willing (and prepared) to fight against windmills for years and years, like Don Quixote. Neither I recommend to people to waste time and energy doing so. What I did was to suck it up, stop talking with them as soon as the "jokes" (or topics poking at you, to tease and/or make you uncomfortable or upset) were igniting, start talking to someone else, switching topics to try and deflect, leaving the room to go elsewhere in the house (even with no or false pretext) and sometimes, forget (for months or years) where the bridge was, without burning it.

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OldPadawan
OldPadawan
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Source Link
OldPadawan
OldPadawan
  • 22.3k
  • 8
  • 69
  • 102