I occasionally use "retarded" when chastising myself or other friends. I know it's not Politically Correct, but am I only allowed to say stupid? How long before we can't say that anymore?
Other words like "ignorant" don't work well because well, I don't like that word because it's misunderstood (even though it works well for how I say retarded . . for me it's like if you don't know something you should know).
Here are several examples:
When referring to someone who has mental retardation
Speaking as someone with a few years of experience working with people with developmental disabilities the current politically correct term is what I just used.
"They are retarded" becomes "They are people with developmental disabilities.".
When referring to myself
"God, I'm so retarded" becomes "God, I'm so silly".
Other possibilities include: foolish, dumb, and stupid.
When directing it at someone
"WTF, are you retarded?" becomes "What were you thinking?"
"That was a retarded thing to do" becomes "That was an ill conceived thing to do"
Perhaps you could carry around with you this list of 125,000 Shakespearean insults, and just rattle one of those off, like: I'm such a bootless, beetle-headed boor-pig and call your friend a droning, doghearted bladder.
Here are some nice ones. Some may be more familiar, depending on your background:
ass (This is not offensive! "Don't be such an ass!")
blockhead (I especially like this one! Include all the other -head's: bonehead, meathead, thickhead, etc. "That bloke's a real blockhead!")
buffoon (My brother's favorite! "You're an empty-headed buffoon!")
dolt (I like how heavy and final this sounds.)
dullard (Love this one! "Gosh, Jimi, you're a dullard!")
dumbo
dummy
dunce (This is a nice, friendly term!)
dunderhead (An elderly friend's favorite. It's so funny when she uses it. "Dunderheads!")
fool (Not in my dictionary!)
idiot (I'm in the minority that consider this word slightly offensive and hurtful.)
ignoramus ("Stupid ignoramus of the highest order!")
klutz
moron (Way less offensive in the US but certainly not my favorite for friendly rebuttals.)
nitwit (There's also dimwit)
nincompoop (Got this a couple decades ago and loved it. "Scallywags and nincompoops!")
ninny ("Ninnies and idjits, all of them!")
oaf ("Shut up, you oaf!")
peabrain (Don't forget the other -brain's e.g. lamebrain!)
I have only included nouns in the above lists. Adjectives abound and it would take ages to list all my favorites! Feel free to also use custom-made sentences. One that I find more humorous is:
(A friend said this to me many years ago, and while I was mad then, I laugh now every time I recall the incident.)
NB: In my mind, all these examples are used in a friendly context, so I hope no one is offended!
The problem with "retarded" (and equivalently "developmental disabilities") is that it puts lack of professional judgement from someone who should have known better into the same category as people who act their "normal" self.
So to keep alternatives to the facts without underhanded remarks, I'd propose
That was a bad idea.
Whoops, didn't think of that one!
I should cut down on the booze/drugs! [applicability dependent of workplace humor/ethic]
Or the English Gentleman version:
Dear programmer, your lack of professional judgement in circumventing the quality assurance process lead to an unfortunate incident, delivering a non-optimal product to the customer. You should be ashamed of yourself, since even a trained dog could follow the process better than you.
(With apologies to all dogs on the stackexchange.)
So be creative! There is no need to try to connect people's weaknesses with what you perceive negatively of others.
I tend to use "idiot(ic)." That was originally an actual, medical term for developmentally disabled people. It's out of official use, though, so it's as safe as "stupid" is at any rate.
Here in the UK we use 'thick' (as sh1t, as mince, as two short planks ...)
Its a useful catch-all that is equally at home amongst teachers referring to pupils and stroppy (US - ratty) software engineers talking about end users or indeed support desk personnel. It can be as offensive or as gently teasing as the user intends.
I prefer variations on "What are/were you smoking?"
Personally I think you should use whatever word you feel like using at the time.
People do not have the right to go through life without being offended.
Politically correct or not, say what you feel; to cover your feelings with false diplomacy is a far greater sin of dishonesty.
It is not a profanity and a regular English word - when you are chastising people you intend it to be derogatory. Particularly between friends, such comments are a regular part of life and are meant as teasing commentary only, everyone knows that.
Of course, with freedom of speech comes causation and if you are calling random children in the street retards, then you can probably expect retribution of some sort. To quote a TV show I am fond of: "talk bollocks, expect pain".
Cant help adding James May's eminently english way of saying "stupid" to this list.
"What a Pillock"
He has me in splits everytime he says that!
I prefer "silly". I don't think you can offend anyone with that, although strictly speaking it might not be correct usage.
(Feel free to delete this if people feel it's inappropriate, it's included purely for linguistic reasons - no offense intended.)
The UK charity for people with cerebral palsy was known as the "Spastic Society" - this resulted in a lot of cruel children in the 70s and 80s referring to their less adroit friends as "spastics".
The charity finally decided that they had enough and renamed themselves as "SCOPE" - apparently children now greet failed sporting achievements with "you scope!"
Slow fits quite well in most cases.
"Blonde" may be offensive to blondes, but not nearly so likely to get you in trouble as "retarded." "Stupid" is probably your safest bet -- I like "pants-on-the-head stupid" for emphasis and variety.
The Australian gentle insult of choice would be dickhead. If you call someone a dickhead, you are probably laughing at their stupidity; it's not a word you would use when angry...
In this, as in many things, I prefer to go the route of metaphor, however twisted:
"You have less sense than the Good Lord gave a common cabbage."
"No more brains than a squashed frog."
"Compares unfavorably to the competence of a trained monkey."
"Sorry, delete that - I was just having a brain fart."
"Must have slept in the day God was handing out brains..."
"If stupidity was money, Bill Gates would have nuthin' on you..."
"Fewer brain cells than an Amoeba."
"Going for Gold in the stupidity Olympics..."
"Can't count beyond 10 without taking off his shoes..."
...etc...
Oops! I see that the original question was looking for politeness or "less offensiveness". Well, presumably we're talking with friends who know when our tongue is in our cheek...
Lobotomous twit.
Anyone likely to be offended won't get it. ;)
Have completed a draft of an article for submission to a magazine. Used the R-word, and realized that it's no longer P.C. The MSWORD thesaurus came up with nuthin. The comments were interesting. I have decided to go with "really-dumb". Less is more.
"Dense" is a nice softer alternative.
I've always been partial to chucklehead, knucklehead, and asshat.
The Irish used to refer to retarded people as innocents (maybe they still do, in Ireland), though that hardly would retain the same connotation if used as the OP is asking but I just thought I'd mention it because I think it's very sweet. The most unoffensive way of saying it as ever there has been, IMHO, and not too much of a mouth-ful (as developmentally disabled tends to be).
Personnally, I like to go with dip-shitzu
What about "Nutter"..?? 😊 😊 Isn't that also a British term...implying "insane"? I know it doesn't have the same association as "retarded" since that is meant as "stupid"...which of course, is not what "retarded" means. "Slow" is more accurate. That doesn't mean I like it; I have seen many speak abusively to others using that term as well...as an example, parents stating that one of their children is "slow" in the child's presence!!
I remember when "develomentally disabled" came into vogue; later it was re-worked and "developmentally delayed" became the more accepted phrase. That's a fairly diplomatic way of saying "slow".
Also, I don't have any issues around the needs for 'softer' language; that may be a result of having lived 25+ years in a small city with a large university. Diplomacy is an important -- and underrated -- tool for effective communication! That, I believe, is why residents of the U.K. often come up with the most creative -- and humorous -- long insulting sentences; they understand the need for diplomacy better than many residents of the U.S.
There's my .10 (.02 adjusted for long-term inflation ;)
