DEAR JANE: My neighbors are doing TERRIFYING things in their backyard - am I going crazy or should I call the police?
- Best-selling author gives frank advice to a woman left horrified by her neighbors
- She also writes to a woman whose been ousted by her family over mental illness
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- READ MORE: I survived a terminal diagnosis - and it has ruined my life
Dear Jane,
My husband and I moved into a new house last month, leaving behind our apartment and city life in favor of a much more spacious home in the suburbs.
To say it’s been a culture shock would be a big understatement…
But I vowed to myself that I would embrace the positives of suburban life and made a big effort to introduce myself to people in our neighborhood, specifically our neighbors on each side.
There isn’t really a huge sense of community when you’re living in a high-rise apartment building and that’s something I was really excited about with our move.
The couple on our right are so sweet, but very elderly (speaking to them requires a very raised voice, if that makes sense), and I confess I was a bit concerned that my visions of backyard hangouts with our neighbors were going to evaporate when I met them. Thankfully, the couple on the left were just a few years older than us, very friendly, and seemed incredibly eager to welcome us into the neighborhood.
Dear Jane, my neighbors have been doing some incredibly weird things in their backyard - I want to call the police but my husband won't let me
On our first weekend in the new house, they hosted us for a barbecue and invited us over to spend July 4th with them, said we could use their pool whenever we wanted… it honestly felt like my sitcom-style dreams of neighborhood best friends had come true.
But the night of that barbecue, we heard some horrifying screams coming from their backyard. I have never really understood the term ‘blood-curdling’ but this terrifying noise made me realize exactly what they’re always going on about in the movies.
I’m not joking when I say I RAN our of the door and into our yard to peer over the fence and check that everything was OK but there was nothing to be seen.
The next day, I went round to make sure nothing was wrong, and when I mentioned the screams, they looked at me with completely blank stares, said they hadn’t heard anything, and asked if it was maybe a nightmare? By that point I was so nervous and frazzled that I just shrugged it off.
Days later, the screaming started again. Once again I ran outside, once again there was nothing there.
Two days after that, a bright light started shining in our bedroom window on and off. Almost like a police search light from a helicopter? When I looked out, it seemed to be coming from their backyard, but when I went outside it had once again disappeared. Again I went over to ask them if they’d seen anything, and again I got blank stares.
Then the screams came back last night.
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers' most burning issues in her Dear Jane agony aunt column
I know I sound like a crazy person here, but I can’t help but feel like they’re playing some kind of twisted prank on us? There’s no way that they’re not hearing the same screams that we are – in fact I’m surprised the whole neighborhood hasn’t complained at this point. They seem so nice on the surface, so I feel ridiculous even blaming this on them, but this whole thing is really starting to freak me out.
I’ve told my husband I want to call the police and have them check things out, but he is worried doing so might alienate us from the neighborhood entirely…
Do you think I’m being insane or do I have a legitimate cause for concern?
From,
Mystery Mania
Dear Mystery Mania,
This does rather sound like the beginning of either a horror movie, or a psychological thriller.
I can imagine how unsettling and upsetting this must be, but don’t understand why your husband doesn’t want you calling the police. At the very least, you must start recording this with your phone.
Rather than blame the neighbors, think of this as a mystery that needs to be solved, and bring the neighbors in to help solve the conundrum.
Unless you are hallucinating, it would seem that other neighbors must have heard something. Talk to them, explain you’re becoming an amateur sleuth in order to get to the bottom of the mystery, rather than assigning blame on one family.
I don’t see how anyone in the neighborhood could blame you for calling the police, and, as said earlier, encourage you to gather evidence.
Wishing you much luck and future peaceful evenings.
Dear Jane,
A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and while I have accepted it and learned to live with it, my closest family however has cut off all contact with me since my diagnosis.
Mental health is a taboo in my family and it feels as though they are all deeply ashamed of me because of what I’m going through, and because I took steps to actually deal with my mental health rather than simply pretending like nothing was wrong.
Rather than accept me for who I really am – and therefore accepting that mental health illness is a real thing – they have decided it’s easier to just remove me from their lives.
The first time I saw my mom in two years, she refused to talk about how I was doing, and when I asked if she would be open to joining me for a therapy session, she acted as though she hadn’t heard the question and then quickly changed the subject.
I am proud of how far I have come and the work I’ve done to deal with my bipolar, but the situation with my family is making every day feel like a struggle. And truthfully, it makes me feel unloved. Holidays are spent alone, my birthdays pass by without so much as a text, and I’m living in constant fear that the people who are still in my life could abandon me at any minute.
I feel like I’m stuck in limbo; in reality, I don’t have a family, but I can’t seem to let go of the hope that they’ll one day come back into my life.
Is there any hope or am I deluding myself?
From,
Lone Ranger
Dear Lone Ranger,
I am so sorry you’re going through this, and applaud you for taking such good care of yourself in dealing properly with your bipolar disorder.
One of the most difficult things to accept in life is that we are powerless over other people. However much we would like them to behave in the way we want, the way we believe they should, people are always going to let us down.
It is helpful to remind ourselves that generally people are doing the best they can with the knowledge that they have.
Your family clearly has enormous discomfort with mental health issues, so perhaps try and meet them where they are, rather than where you wish they could be. This would allow you to see your mother, and quite possibly your family, without needing to bring them in to your journey, without asking them to come to therapy with you.
It means leaving your mental health issues by the door when you are with them. This may sound like a difficult task, particularly given that we are living in an age where we have a tendency to define ourselves by our issues, wanting everyone to know, wanting support.
I believe you can have a relationship with your family, and, that you do not have to be defined by bipolar disorder.
If you are taking your medications and the symptoms are under control, I would live your life, invite your family in to it, and leave the discussions about your mental health with the professionals.
