A woman has appealed for advice after her husband returned from a "guys' trip" abroad with an STI - only to blame it on the "unhygienic environment" of the "third world countries" he visited.
Despite a doctor claiming the infection must have been the result of sexual contact, she is adamant her spouse of 14 years isn't the "cheater type". "Since Covid my husband is working from home", the woman began in a lengthy post to Mumsnet. "He usually goes out on guys trip 3-4 times a year after kids. We used to travel a lot before kids. After kids it’s hard to take vacation. When we do it’s like being parent in different city. He doesn’t seem cheater type."
She explained the pair of them tested positive for chlamydia last year prompting her to "furiously ask" him how and where he caught it. "He sent me articles showing this STI could catch through eyes or dirty towels," she added. "I told him this is STI and not a cold and can’t be caught without sexual contact. He stuck to his story and kept saying he didn’t cheat."
Possibly testing the water, she said he later hypothesised a scenario during a row, which only added to her suspicions further. "In one of the argument he said 'What if I did cheat, I come back to you, I am here with you, I love you. I am always home and in front of you. You have access to all my stuff phone, laptops, accounts etc'." she said.
"So I met my doctor and asked if it possible to get this from non-sexual contact. She said it is highly unlikely but as people of science nothing is 100%. He was willing to help in any way for me to come out of this grief. We had couple of couple therapy sessions before I let it slip by."
However, the woman's fears have reared their ugly head following a recent routine checkup with a gynaecologists in which the subject of the STI was broached once more. She said: "If you didn’t cheat then he did. I am sorry this STI and only spread through sexual contact.
"Being each other's first there was no dormant effect here. This got me furious and I knew he cheated and manipulated me into thinking he didn’t. When I confronted him he continued saying he didn’t cheat. When I asked him to swear on our children and his mom and he swore."
His declaration made her "blow up" in rage though, and she demanded he "come clean". I listened to him but somewhere I was still not satisfied," she cursed. "I wanted to know the details who, what, when, why, how etc. He is great dad to our children." A few days later, in response to her email, the husband appeared to contemplate whether something untoward could have occurred while under the influence of drugs.
"He does occasionally drugs/weed when on guys' trip," she continued. "He doesn’t smoke or does drugs when home. He made some calls and found out while out with few of his friends and friends’ friends they did drugs in hotel suites. As he travelled from US he was exhausted and as occasional drug taker (under peer pressure) his system didn’t handle it well and he puked and passed out," she claimed.
"One of friends' friends called a prostitute to the room. The friend he called said ‘I saw her doing something to you while you were passed out'. DH [dear husband] said I asked him why didn’t you tell me anything back then. The friend said he was wasted and next morning went out of town and then forgot." Closing her post, the woman questioned in the Relationships forum whether or not she was simply being "paranoid" or if they thought he had been unfaithful.
"I don’t believe a word of it," one woman slammed in reply. "Sex workers are routinely tested for STIs. He intentionally had sex with a woman and got chlamydia. All his other stories are c***."
A second agreed: "I'm sorry but he is taking you for a fool. He tried to convince you he hadn't cheated and when he eventually had to admit sexual contact with someone else he has come up with a story that puts the blame on other people not himself. It sounds like a load of nonsense. He has cheated on you and more than likely that's what the purpose of his trips with his pals has been for a long time."
Having mulled over the replies, the woman later returned to her post to admit: "I don’t believe his BS. But putting up because I have two little kids. I hate to be the one breaking the family."