Louise Thompson has emotionally opened up on her struggle to bond with her son Leo following his traumatic birth.
The former Made in Chelsea star confessed that she found herself getting emotional as she looked back at the early days of motherhood with her son and the initial struggle to bond with him. "No one will ever really know how challenging that beginning phase was for us," the 34 year old revealed.
She then offered reassurance to any new parents finding it tough, promising that things do improve. Louise shared that she and her son are now in "the best place" and have a wonderful relationship, despite her initial fears. The TV star previously admitted that she only began bonding with her son six months after his birth, as she was so consumed with 'trying to stay alive'.
She has been open about her health issues during and after childbirth, including haemorrhaging following an emergency C-section and again a week later. These traumatic experiences and ongoing complications made it difficult for her to connect with her newborn. In a heart-wrenching video, she reads from her book, tears streaming down her face: "It's a very dark thing to consider whether it would have been easier to recover without a baby.
"Please don't think I'm anything other than grateful that Leo survived and is here. But it was such an intolerable time, and he was such a direct and constant reminder of everything that had happened," also sharing that she could "barely look at him." "Being back at home was beyond awful. I was scared of my own baby, this tiny hopeless little thing," she confessed, revealing the depth of her struggle as she didn't feel anything for Leo, who became an 'obvious trigger' for her PTSD.
Louise detailed how she couldn't bring herself to change his nappy for the first six weeks or bathe him for two months because she was unable to even bathe herself. Support poured in from fans in the comments section after she posted on social media, writing: "I thought I would post a little excerpt from my book: Lucky in case it helps someone that might be navigating the early days of motherhood... and STRUGGLING. The struggle is real. It is bad. In fact it can be disgustingly bad. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
She urged others to persevere, saying: "Find people that will listen. Muddle through. Keep going. Never give up. Your people need you. Your child needs you. You will eventually plateaux. I spent so much of my recovery like a swan, ok up top but paddling like crazy to stay afloat and above water, but underneath the surface I was exhausted and dying.
"I literally felt like if I stopped paddling for even a second I would drown. I had to keep my mind occupied at all costs because otherwise the dreaded death memories would seep in. Hypervigilance and analysing of thoughts will stop you from thinking those thoughts. If you haven't suffered with significant mental health problems you won't get it. That's ok. But your brain breaking and you losing control over your thoughts is the worst. I didn't think I would find my way back. My family thought I'd never be the same again. But I did. Keep chugging! You can do it! I see you!!!!!"
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