power, privilege, and everyday life.
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1563 posts tagged gender
Every summer or Christmas I come home from college to see my family, no one ever asks me about classes, only if I have a boyfriend yet. The summer I got my first girlfriend and was public on facebook about it, all of the questions have stopped about my relationship and the subject is always changed to my degree and my classes and where I’m working.
I am a 62-year-old female associate professor who has been teaching with technology at a state university since 2002. Most young people under 25 working retail check-out think I need them to explain how to use the card-reader screen.
I am talking to the owner of a towing business. He says, “Oh, the phone companies are just raping me…”
I am a survivor of rape and sexual assault. I email him later to ask him to consider changing his language - that using a term of violence so casually contributes to a climate of seeing rape as “no big deal.” He said he’s not politically correct and that I should learn self-defense. He tells me to “Grow up, kiddo.” Then he complains that I didn’t consider his feelings when I told him what had happened to me.
“Wow, you’re getting old. You better hurry up and get married if you want to have any kids.”
A female resident to me during my annual gynecological exam when I was in my early 30s. Macro fail for assuming every woman wants to get married and have kids. Smaller fail for her clueless remark just a few months after my SECOND date rape.
“Why would you wear your hair like that today of all days? It’s not appropriate for a leadership position, it looks unprofessional.”
The prefect coordinator at my high school when she catches sight of my braids (which looked bomb, might I add!!!), before instructing me to tie it back before my photos. She goes on to explain, as though it should be obvious, that as a representative of the school I have a responsibility to uphold a certain image. She later complains about my “stupid braids” to the school and vice captain.
btw, this teacher is also head of wellbeing.
“Hello miss, are any of your bosses here?”
A male cop in who walked into my office, speaking to me, a woman.
“Wow Barbie actually has a lot to say.”
A man while I was discussing politics with a group of people.
My last semester, while working on my associates, some of the guys in my psychology class were jeering about how gays were disgusting. I instantaneously felt uncomfortable. When I asked them if their opinion of me would change if I was openly gay, two of the boys just laughed. They said it was impossible, that lesbians had a certain look, that someone ‘like me’ apparently wasn’t able to be gay just because I was polite and had long hair. They said that I couldn’t be anything other than straight as if it was their right to decide. One of them said, 'If she was a lesbian, wouldn’t it be hot, though?’ I dropped the class shortly afterward. To this day, I have never felt more objectified.
“Having any body image issues? You better not say yes.”
My doctor says this, looking over his glasses at me. I feel obligated to answer, “No.” He makes me feel like I have no right to struggle with my body image because I’m thin. What he doesn’t know is I struggle with body image because I’m a survivor of sexual abuse; my rapist made me feel disgusted with my body. But I’m not allowed to feel that way because I’m “thin.”
I am a Latina engineering student. I have been working on a semester-long group project We just presented our design in front of judges who are professional engineers from around the area. I have two group mates: a female immigrant from Korea and a white male. After one presentation, one of the judges of a company for which we all want to intern approached my white male peer and congratulated him on the project and handed him a business card. He did not look at me nor my Asian-American female group mate. We all worked equally on the project. Made me feel as if my contributions will never be worthy of recognition.
I have a friend who I love dearly, but they will frequently drop bombs in conversations, like ‘If I was born with your body, I wouldn’t mind the cat calling’. It really feels like they’re insinuating that it’s MY FAULT I’m upset, or MY FAULT that these things happen to me. They don’t know I was raped, and these comments make me feel like my experiences somehow don’t matter, or that they’re my fault somehow for “girling wrong.”
I am at the doctor for chronic fatigue and tiredness. My older female doctor listens to all my symptoms and then says, “Well, with young women experiencing fatigue, my first thought is always pregnancy. What type of birth control do you take?”
“None,” I say. “I’m gay.”
“No birth control?” she says, looking alarmed. “Is there any way you could be pregnant?”
“No,’ I say emphatically. "I’ve never had sex with a man. I’m in a monogamous relationship with a woman I’ve been dating for six years.”
“Well…” she frowns at me. “I think we’ll test for pregnancy just in case, with the rest of the bloodwork.”
Why doesn’t she believe me? What is so unbelievable about a young woman never having sex with a man? Why would I lie about that?
My fiancee and I are never acknowledged as a couple, and I think this is because we are both feminine women and different races. Waiters consistently bring us separate checks without asking, shopkeepers at places we are regulars usually eventually ask “so are you two sisters? is that why you are always together?"
We’ll get comments walking down the street like "oh, so sweet to hold your best friend’s hand” or “you girls make me miss my best friend."
When I introduce her to acquaintances or old family friends as my fiancee, they are usually visibly shocked. The frustrating part is that we live in a very liberal city and most of these people consider themselves "cool with gay people” and don’t understand why I get upset.
“This is A, our system admin! Ask him about setting up your email! He can also help you with internet, printing, etc… And this is P, the female engineer!”
The head of HR, while introducing new employees.
“I’m surprised you got it done, seeing as you’re all girls!”
A man commenting on our volunteering organization successfully painting a house.