Go Deep With The High-Trust Hello!

By Dr. Brian Harman

When trust is high, cost goes down and speed goes up (Covey & Merrill, 2006). But when trust is low... costs soar and the team moves at snail’s pace. Like, ew!

But why are so many leaders struggling to build high-trust teams? Research shows it's nearly impossible to build the elusive HIGH-TRUST TEAM.

Think of any relationship, friendship, or even your spouse. When there’s high trust, you can make better decisions faster, and with less emotional resources. Same concept here. That’s why managers and leaders must prioritize team spirit, synergy, attitude, emotional optimism and personal relationships. Because every interaction is a chance to improve trust, keep it neutral, or degrade it. 

How to build trust?

To build the kind of trust that accelerates your career, you must remember that trust contains 2 main components: character and competence (Covey & Merrill, 2006).

To build trust on the character side, stop answering the question “how are you?” with replies like, “good, just busy.” Instead, give people around you the gift of deeper connection by elevating small talk to medium talk or dare I say, deep conversation!

It starts with you. Answer deeply and you’ll get deep answers back in return. Nobody ever opened up to someone who wasn’t open themselves.

• “Hey, how are you?”
• “Good. You?”
• “Oh, good. See you later.”

Alternatively, here’s a much better approach:

• “Hey, how are you?”
• “Hey, B! This week I went out of town with my family. My dogs stayed with Grandma and Grandpa. We had such a blast because it’s been over a year since our last trip. We stayed at a hotel and we enjoyed some nice dinners. We walked over 8 miles per day on average. My favorite part was the ostrich farm because my son got to feed them. Oh, and I just finished Dr. Adam Grant's awesome book called Give and Take.”

Now, when you ask them the same question back, they won’t answer with a short, “oh, I’m good.”

This concept can be used in all conversations and interactions, from strangers to close family members. Think of trust like a mirror. Whatever you display, you’ll get back. Trust is a reciprocal emotion and intentional feeling so you’ve got to be the one that opens up if you want trust back from others. The deeper you go, the more you’ll get back.

When people are reluctant, continue to share details and longer responses. Only after you’ve exhausted your opinions or contributions or stories should you then probe others with how and why questions.

Openness and vulnerability are critical ingredients in the trust building process. It takes a lot of deliberate discussion. It takes a lot effort.

Try going deeper in your next conversation instead of glossing it over like another lackluster greeting.

Openness is the art of trust, so start painting!