Suman Tarway’s Post

I sucked at emotional intelligence. I found feelings confusing, arbitrary and, scary. Then a Big 💡: I’d never learned what they mean. Even in psych classes… One lesson: feelings combine. Ie, when we’re in complex situations (life) we have a complex mix of feelings. They don’t “cancel out” they layer up. We have lots at once, and we can decode them into some basic components, each w a specific meaning. I’ve spent the last 27 years kind of obsessed with this topic… reading neuroscience and different theories of emotions (I’m a fan of the adaptive theory and emergent theory, most of my writing is in these zones). So I feel chuffed, optimistic, accomplished, and contemplative about Inside Out being so popular. I had fun helping Patty Freedman & Charlotte Mcnamara with this image for Six Seconds’ insta. I tried not to repeat any words, with the idea the feelings on left were stronger eg “nostalgic” has more joy… and “melancholy” has more sadness What’s one of these words you’d like to learn more about? ### In case we haven’t met yet ### I’m Joshua Freedman, ceo & cofounder of Six Seconds - The Emotional Intelligence Network. For 27 years, we’ve worked to grow everyone’s emotion skills. At work, that’s all about equipping people to create great culture. If you want to learn more about the value of feelings, follow me!

How well do you know yourself? After 25+ years working on emotional intelligence, I can say, “pretty well but long way to go.” Here’s what’s helped me... what’s helped you?? 1. EXPAND YOUR EMOTIONAL LITERACY Learn the language & logic (yes!!) of feelings. There are 1000s of feeling words, most people use under 10. Learn the differences, eg between disappointed, offended, annoyed, impatient, vexed, peeved, frustrated... Learn how feelings vary intensity, eg did you know that ANXIOUS is a more generalized form of fear? And what they mean, eg did you know fear means that something you care about is at risk? This helped me a TON; as I started to grow the vocabulary and logic, feelings started to make sense and I could listen and notice more. 2. NOTICE YOUR OWN FACE This may seem silly, but do you even notice when you’re smiling? I didn’t. I started to notice when I was squeezing my eyebrows together (a signal of stress or irritation or concentration). 3. TUNE INTO YOUR PHYSICAL SENSES Expanding from #2... for example, when does your back hurt more or less? When do your shoulders get tight? For me, a big noticing: When did my throat constrict? (which is usually from stress, voice gets higher) --> There can be a lot of reasons for these physical changes, but they can be clues that, “Hey! Something going on with me, I wonder what it is? 4. KEEP A LOG BOOK/JOURNAL OF PATTERNS In the Six Seconds Model, one of the super-fab tools is Recognizing Patterns. For example, one of mine: When I feel overwhelmed, I withdraw. Then I started to wonder, “When do I feel overwhelmed?” Over time, tracking it, I began to see: “When I’m not sure if I’m aligned with others, I feel more overwhelmed.” --> We have an awesome new app for this, ask me about it! 5 ASK BETTER QUESTIONS When you engage in more meaningful, authentic and open dialogue, you get more nuanced, interesting answers. This helps you have a better perspective on people. This helps you reflect on your own beliefs, values, perspectives. --> use open-ended questions --> use curiosity --> experiment with creative variations 6. OBSERVE HOW PEOPLE REACT TO YOU When do people open up or close up? When do they do what you expected, or not? When do they ask you questions or share? By noticing this, we get free feedback. A cool thing about emotional intelligence: There’s TONS of chances every day to practice. Every interaction, every moment can be an little “micro experiment” to observe, collect data, iterate. The result is awesome! By growing self-awareness, you open up a whole world of possibilities to have more authentic, meaningful connection with yourself and others. ### In case we haven’t met yet ### I’m Joshua Freedman, ceo & cofounder of Six Seconds - The Emotional Intelligence Network. For 27 years, we’ve worked to grow everyone’s emotion skills. At work, that’s all about equipping people to create great culture. If you want to learn more about the value of feelings, follow me!