I grew up with a lot of financial instability. My parents came to America with little. My dad used to tell me stories about how he could only afford to eat rice with milk for dinner. He never let us waste food because he knew what it meant to go hungry. Because of how little my parents had and how much money worried them, I am frugal. I spent my childhood wondering if we could make the mortgage or what would happen if my Dad lost his job, and I wondered if I passed that anxiety onto my kids. In the latest Tiger Mom and Her Cub column, Bethany and I discuss her thoughts on money, frugality, and family expectations. I drive a 14 year-old car. We still sit on the couches bought 20 years ago. We ride used bikes from FB Marketplace. I maintain a level of frugality that my late dad would have been proud of. When Bethany wanted to write about this, I didn’t know what she would say. I was concerned that I had passed along our generational anxiety about money or that I had shielded them so much that they didn’t understand what it took for their grandparents to go to a new country and make a new life. Her perspective and introspection surprised me. I think these intergenerational discussions have been healthy for us because it lets us write out our feelings to each other. Let me know what you think of this month’s column.
Manny de Souza
1mo
What a great article, Deborah. It made me deeply reflect on the habits I brought as an expat parent to my kids' upbringing, raising them in the US, as well as how much it contributed to shaping their social behavior, and even how selective they became with their friendship circle. Yet, the people our kids relate to also play a big role. I am lucky and fortunate that my "cub" got to know yours as well as other great kids during high school. I had concerns about her being always surrounded by the same kids and not developing different perspectives. It is notable how much their friendship shaped the way she looks at things now from different perspectives. Thank you for always sharing great perspectives and not being afraid of being vulnerable, even over social media. That tells how great you are as a leader.
Doris Li Yeh
1mo
Deborah Liu for so long, I could not get myself to spend money like buying a bottle of water even if I am thirsty for walking for a whole day. I had to get home because buying anything that I can get for free is wasteful. When i got into an accident where i became paralyzed in my left leg and the doctor told me I was never going to walk properly again was when I reevaluated my relationship with money and also how I lead my life and how I would want my kids to lead their life and having these kind of money conversation with my kids. My daughter, Lauren Yeh is so proud that she still thrifts for her clothes at the university. We talk about how money can be a tool and hopefully life does not revolve around making money, saving money and not spending money. Always good conversation to have but finance seems to be a difficult topic. I wish financial literacy is taught in high school. Thanks for sharing the article. 💕
Kun He
1mo
I know what you're talking about. My fun facts in my self-introduction always include: 1. I never took a train until it was time to go to college in Beijing, and 2. I never took an airplane until I came to the USA. I do feel anxious about Money and many things people from rich families take for granted.
I wish I learned more about the "big money" issues growing up. As a household we could buy store brand, cook a meal from cheaper fresh produce, fix up my bike and appliances and car, mend clothes, etc. This is all great but doesn't provide the same level of security as utilizing a 401K, IRA, having an emergency fund, investing smartly in stocks...I could "trim the fat" all I wanted from my everyday life, but ultimately I needed a career that paid well enough and to put the money in the right places. When you grow up poor, as many commenters here likely did, you often don't have the social, cultural, or intellectual capital to get to this level.
Alicia Huang
1mo
Thank you for sharing! This resonates with my parents' childhood as well as my own. We were taught subconsciously and consciously to be resourceful, spend if only necessary, and pick up every last penny on the ground. Now as a parent, I have more or less bestowed this wisdom onto my two year old where we cycle clothes and toys amongst the communities instead of buying new ones, and I LOVE THAT. If it wasn't for my parents' hardship I wouldn't have as much appreciation of the life that I have right now. The younger generations are always more fortunate than the previous ones (imo), and that's why it's important for some of these values to carry through so we maintain the core and foundation that our ancestors began.
Koa Mo'o
1mo
What a great read. I reflected on my parents and all they did/do for me - I made promise to myself that I will take care of them one day. The promise is in the works but it will come. Thanks for sharing.
Helen Ma
1mo
Resonates so much, as a first generation immigrant. I count it as a blessing that my Chinese upbringing taught me the value of money. I worry my kids will lose sight of this and become irresponsible so that’s the anxiety I have.
Jeanny Chai
1mo
Frugality is fine as long as it doesn’t morph into guilt. I used to have no problem spending money on my kids or anything related to work but if I wanted to buy a little something for myself, I would go to a garage sale and feel guilty spending money on myself. This was tied to a lot of anxiety, and not knowing how to advocate for me and take up space. It’s takes practice to give ourselves permission to deserve nice things.
David Lam
1mo
Great to share a dinner table with you in LA Deborah, and this post resonates with me for sure. I had to buy my dad a few hundred dollars of napkins from Costco just to make him stop hoarding the napkins from MacDonald’s in his kitchen drawer.
Chief Executive Officer at Ancestry
1moLink to column here: https://asamnews.com/2024/06/24/financial-education-frugalness-hunger-family-budgets-parenting/