What are some common causes of feedback resistance and how can you avoid them?

One of the most overlooked aspects of building trust is time. You cannot shortcut your way to trust. Building trust takes a lot of time and goes hand in hand with consistency. It is not enough to show genuine interest and empathy once, it needs to be a consistent behavior over time. In addition, to build trust with someone else, you need to be a trustworthy person to begin with. What this means is: to be impeccable with your word and match that with your actions. Do what you say you'd do. Follow through. Let your actions tell the story of how trustworthy you are!

Ready for a relay race analogy? 🏃♂️ Imagine feedback as a baton - but your teammate hesitates to grab it! 😅 Why? Lack of trust! Trust is our invisible professional glue. Without it, feedback is like a scary cactus, not a baton. So let's fix it: 🌟 Show up consistently. 👥 Use empathy. Feedback isn't about winning an argument but winning a teammate. 💡 Make feedback a two-way conversation. Let's turn that cactus into a baton and keep our relay race going! 💪💼🌟

Another way to build trust is to role model asking for and receiving feedback. You can't expect people to be open to getting feedback from you if you're not doing the same.

I believe, one of the most important aspects of providing feedback is building trust with the person receiving it. People often resist feedback when they doubt the source or question the motives behind it. To overcome this, it's crucial to genuinely show interest and respect for the work, goals, and challenges of the individual you're providing feedback to. By doing so, you create a foundation of trust and rapport that opens the door for constructive feedback to be more readily accepted and valued.

The word 'feedback' can have its own connotations that it is something negative. The use of neutral or positive language can lessen anxiety towards the event. Feedback is not something to be done under the guise of power either and consideration should be given to what the objective is and what you are trying to achieve as an outcome. This can help to steer the conversation to safer waters. It is also important to think about the environment these discussions also take place. e.g in the Chief Executives office can create a feeling of bad news as it is where the Chief Executive feels strong. If you plan for a neutral environment it can ease initial anxieties which makes for a more positive discussion and outcome.

When I was a Sales Associate at Victoria's Secret in college, my boss turned to me after a performance review and kindly said, "Let's have you work on taking feedback without a defense." It dawned on me that every growth opportunity that was listed, I would have a rebuttal for--because I wanted to be seen as someone who was doing their best. The reality is it came from my fear of not being enough. Approach employees with empathy and dig deep for talent who disregard feedback. It might be deeper than you think and pointing out this flaw can help them change. I'm happy to say, my college boss saying this changed my life--I now actively seek out feedback.

Often, feedback may come across as criticism if it's not delivered in an empathetic manner, and this kicks up people's defenses. They may conclude that they're not doing a good job and that they're not good enough. The shame and insecurity rises, and they will struggle to take action. Instead, I've found it helpful to ask open ended questions about an area for improvement, such as "tell me more about how you're approaching X." Great coaches and teachers ask the right questions to draw people to the right conclusions on their own. This reduces defenses and the lessons stick.

Helping employees overcome a fear of failure is an absolutely critical management skill. That means managers first need to get comfortable with receiving feedback themselves and being able give it in ways that are useful, meaningful and relevant. Creating a culture where people are not fearful of mistakes, take ownership of of them and work to rectify them is the measure of a successful organisation. That needs leaders to role model those behaviours and attitudes if we want employees to embrace them. As an HR Consultant I'm often "encouraging" leaders to do this through the feedback I give them and reminding them that employees pay more attention to what is done than what is said!

"Failure is just data." This mindset I learned from stand-up comedy is one of the most helpful ways I've learned for reframing failure. In stand-up, if you say a joke and no one laughs, it doesn't mean that you as a person will never ever (ever ever?) become funny. It just means that particular joke didn't work. It's data to say that maybe you need to reformulate the punchline or try a new angle. The same is true for all growth. If you fail at something, that's data to say that the way you tried just didn't work. It's not commentary on your value as a professional or your worth as a human being. Now you've learned something and will be better prepare for next time.

I failed thrice! in front of 400+ people 😔 I played guitar in front of 400+ people result: failed 😔 I gave a speech in front of 400+ people result: failed 😔 [Tried Again] I gave a speech in front of 400+ people result: failed 😫 [tried again] I gave a speech in front of 400+ people result: Best speech award 🤩 🏆 When I failed people used to come to me and say "no worries, at least you tried" But I knew "Trying is not what I was aiming at" Failure is not a thing to be afraid of, it will come and go. Remember: "It's not a constant rather a flow" Just give your 100% 🔥 I always viewed my audience as a product to practice my speaking skills on :)

As a leadership coach, I have always believed that constructive feedback is a leadership gift and a driver of personal and organisational behavioural change. Who gives the feedback and how it is delivered are very important. If it is delivered the wrong way, it will increase resistance to change, so it must be delivered the right way. Things to consider when giving feedback: • It should be delivered by a trusted party with empathy. • The feedback session should encourage rich conversation and should never be rushed. • It should concentrate on the behaviour, not the person. • It should be timely. • Allow for reflection time, so it may take more than one meeting. • Corrective actions should be agreed upon mutually with a follow-up plan.

In my experience, I have felt that the way the feedback is given and the tone used as well as the timing is extremely important. Feedback can be taken as negative criticism if said in a way where the team member or individual is being blamed or told to change. If said in an assertive yet positive way, this can be changed and they can feel more secure, safe and open to trust the feedback as constructive criticism rather than something that is incorrect. The timing of the feedback is also equally important- Post an error, most feedback is seen in a resentful and negative way, while giving it some time to settle and then mentioning it with areas of improvement helps in connecting better!

I recommend starting by finding common ground and emphasizing shared goals, so the feedback feels like a collaborative effort rather than an attack. For instance, you could say, "We're both invested in delivering the best project possible, and I've noticed some areas that could be enhanced." Create a safe space by using "I" statements, such as "I observed that the project timeline slipped; can we explore solutions together?" Lastly, offer a blend of positive and constructive feedback, like a "praise sandwich," to make the critique easier to digest.

It is human nature to want to resist change but it should be communicated that the change is for the better and for it to be sold on what benefits the changes will make

When having these discussions they are best personalised to the individual for example- considering their motivations, why they fell in love with the role in the first instance, how they take on board learning and embedded behaviours that are present. The conversation will not progress to change unless consideration of these key areas are considered.

Keep feedback specific and talk about the behaviour, not the person. For example, don't say 'You are always late!', say 'I've noticed that you've been late several times for our morning meetings this month'

Work community is so important to the acceptance of feedback. It's important to create a supportive feedback culture that emphasizes growth, trust, and empathy. By fostering an environment where feedback is seen as valuable and developmental rather than judgmental, people become more open to receiving and utilizing feedback for personal and professional improvement. People need to believe you have their back. That your feedback is not a competitive tool to knock them down. Also timing and permission is important for peer to peer feedback, which the TIGERS 6 Principles endorses for both training follow through learning circles and for sharing strengths in collaborative initiatives.

This is a critical aspect of feedback - our emotions. As a former VP, then therapist and now in coaching professionals, I've seen countless examples of how our lack of self-mastery and self-regulation can hijack a conversation. What's key is to begin now the process of understanding what you think and feel, and analyzing those feelings at a deeper level. Get to know yourself in ways you do not currently. When you feel yourself getting upset or defensive, ask yourself "What am I most afraid of here?" Often our emotions rise when we believe we're being threatened or we fear others are finding fault in who we are. Getting in closer touch with what you're thinking/feeling on a daily basis will help you better manage yourself in all situations.

The reason behind this lack of psychological preparedness goes back to how our brains are biologically wired to constantly assess where we stand as we work together with other people. Our brain keeps track of our social status as it maps power dynamics and navigates complex relationships. We all want to feel like we are included in the groups or teams that we work with and any sense of being excluded can rapidly trigger emotions like surprise, fear, anger, denial, and disgust.

We often call this "constructive criticism," which usually makes the other person shut off, believing that it'll be all negative as it so often is. We focus on what went wrong, and not on what could be done better next time. That focus just hurts but doesn't solve anything because no one can go back and fix the error. The words "next time" can give hope, especially if we describe a desired outcome. "Next time, when you run into that kind of problem, please let me know quickly so we can successfully manage the situation." My favorite reminder, from Maya Angelou: “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Here are some powerful phrases that might help set the tone for and/or maintain, an impactful feedback conversation. -I'd love to hear your perspective regarding yesterday's presentation/meeting/client briefing, etc.. -I'm not sure we got the response we were hoping for with..... May I share what I observed? -I noticed that during the meeting you..... Was that your intent? -I know this may not be what you want to hear, but I'm sharing this because I know you want to grow in this position and advance. -Perhaps something is getting in the way of showing (as, with, ........ -I can tell you are disappointed with the outcome. What could you have done differently?

One of the main resistances for feedback comes from the perception of the receiver as they view it as a "judgement" on them, that too a negative one. I always strive, with genuine sincerity and humility, to assure the recipient that I'm on their side, rooting for their success. Once I make my intention very clear, the next step is sharing the "observation" followed by a discussion on what can we do about the situation and offer few thoughts in additions to the recipient's inputs. Then I offer to support them in the path to improvement and commit to it. This not only helps to address the immediate situation but strengthens the bond of trust, paving way for future successes together.

What I have seen work in terms of feedback is to use a process that is comprehensive so when you are giving feedback it is holistic and inclusive. The Start-Stop-Continue has always worked for me Start - What should you start doing? Stop - What should you stop doing? Continue - What should you keep doing? Usually feedback is focused on one of the above. For instance, if someone has not reached out to their sales teams with a deliverable - that is a Start feedback. Adding a Continue - something they are doing well, for instance collaborating with Marketing teams is going well makes it more comprehensive. And using this process builds trust.

For me, if someone is not achieving what is expected of them, you owe it to them to be as candid as possible as early as possible. Having said that, it's a good idea to personalise the way you deliver the honest truth. For people that are overconfident, you may have to be blunt or they simply will not get the message. For those whose issue is not overconfidence, but rather lack of assertiveness, you will have to give feedback in a way that builds them up - i.e. validates their position and asks them to take more control/responsibility.

We conduct two styles of seminars: 1) for large numbers of independent accountants, and 2) for accountants within a single large/national firm. Each of the sessions will have from 150 to 400 participants. I've found it very interesting that the amount of interactivity within the sessions for independent accountants exceeds that of those for single large firms by a factor of more than 10. I'm not sure why that is, but it seems like many are more hesitant to show creativity or vulnerability amongst their closest neighbours and colleagues. Few want to take a chance at looking stupid in front of their boss or neighbour. Finding the right balance of comfort and distance is the key.