Bridget Jones's Diary (2001)
Hugh Grant: Daniel Cleaver
Photos
Quotes
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Daniel Cleaver : Come on Bridget, we belong together - you, me, poor little skirt. If I can't make it with you then I can't make it with anyone.
Bridget : That's not a good enough offer for me.
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Mark Darcy : I should have done this years ago.
Daniel Cleaver : Done what?
Mark Darcy : This.
[Darcy punches Cleaver, hard]
Daniel Cleaver : [shocked] Ow. Fuck me, that really hurt. What the fuck do you think you're doing?
Mark Darcy : This.
[Darcy punches Cleaver again, even harder]
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Daniel Cleaver : [after crashing through the window] Uhh... Jesus. All right.
Mark Darcy : All right?
Daniel Cleaver : Enough.
Mark Darcy : Enough, enough.
[Darcy begins to walk away]
Daniel Cleaver : Wanker.
[now having had enough, Darcy punches him hard, knocking Cleaver down]
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Daniel Cleaver : Now these are very silly little boots, Jones. And this is a very silly little dress. And, um, these are, fuck me, absolutely enormous panties.
Bridget : Jesus. Fuck.
Daniel Cleaver : No, no. Don't apologize. I like them. Hello, Mummy.
[they kiss]
Daniel Cleaver : I'm sorry, I have to have another look. They're too good to be true.
Bridget : No...
Daniel Cleaver : They're nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm wearing something similar myself.
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Daniel Cleaver : I've been going crazy. I can't stop thinking about you, and thinking about what an idiot I've been. Christ, is that blue soup?
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Mark Darcy : All right Cleaver, outside.
Daniel Cleaver : [half laughing] I'm sorry? Outside? Should I bring my dueling pistols or my sword?
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Bridget : Daniel, what you just did is actually illegal in several countries.
Daniel Cleaver : That is one of the reasons that I'm so thrilled to be living in Britain today.
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Daniel Cleaver : [lands on restaurant table] I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry!
Mark Darcy : [places hand in someone's salad] Oh, God! I'm sorry!
[wipes dirty hand on man's suit]
Mark Darcy : I really am sorry. I-I will pay.
Daniel Cleaver : [fed up] Had enough Darcy?
Mark Darcy : [annoyed] Not quite, if that's all right by you.
[punches Daniel hard]
Waiter : Happy birthday to you...
[everyone joins in, stopping fight]
Waiter : Happy birthday to you!
Mark Darcy : Happy birthday dear what's-his-name...
Daniel Cleaver : Happy birthday to you...
[tackles Darcy, both fly out window]
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Bridget : Apparently, I used to run round naked in his paddling pool.
Daniel Cleaver : I bet you did, you dirty bitch.
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Daniel Cleaver : There once was a young woman from Ealing, / Who had a particular feeling. / She lay on her back, / And opened her crack, / And pissed all over the ceiling.
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Daniel Cleaver : If you have to travel alone, travel in style.
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Daniel Cleaver : First, have some more wine, and then tell me the story about practicing French kissing with the art girls at school, because it's a very good story.
Bridget : It wasn't French kissing.
Daniel Cleaver : Don't care, make it up. That's an order, Jones.
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Bridget : So what do you think of the situation in Chechnya?
Daniel Cleaver : I couldn't give a fuck, Jones.
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Daniel Cleaver : [to Mark Darcy] My, what a gripping life you do lead.
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Daniel Cleaver : [while fighting Darcy] I'll shin you!
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Daniel Cleaver : Fuck me, I love Keats.