In case you’ve been logged off – maybe you’ve been away on, I don’t know, a £5,000 Goop wellness cruise – you’ll likely have been following the berserk Gwyneth Paltrow trial that has caused an avalanche of memes. The actor appeared in court last week, as part of a civil lawsuit brought against her by 76-year-old Terry Sanderson, who’s accusing Paltrow of causing a 2016 ski collision that allegedly left him with a brain injury and four fractured ribs. Paltrow has countersued, claiming that Sanderson was the one who caused the crash, which she says left her feeling “hurt and violated”. Sanderson is seeking damages of $300,000 (approx £244k), while Paltrow is suing for a symbolic $1 and reimbursement of legal fees.
Like Depp v Heard before it, Paltrow’s case is being live-streamed, meaning Twitter is awash with clips of the actor, her bumbling lawyers, and some very strange lines of questioning – all of which appear to frame the trial as farcical.
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In one video, which has been compared to an SNL skit, the prosecuting lawyer can’t stop complimenting Paltrow. “You were wearing goggles and a helmet. You kind of looked like everybody else on the slope?” she asks the actor, before adding with a giggle and a finger gun: “Probably had a better ski outfit though, I bet!”
“May I ask how tall you are?” she asks next, to which Paltrow answers that she’s just under 5ft 10. “I’m so jealous!” replies the prosecutor, before diving into an anecdote about her heels, which Paltrow goes on to compliment. When referencing her yelling at Sanderson after the accident, the lawyer quips to Paltrow: “You’re small but mighty. Well, you’re not that small.”
The clip ends with the lawyer asking: “I’m assuming – and you’re under oath here – that you’re a good tipper?” When Paltrow says yes, the prosecutor adds: “Fantastic, I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
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It’s a truly deranged watch; made even weirder by the other clips emerging from the trial. Notably, when Paltrow is interrogated about whether she’s friends with Taylor Swift, who also sought symbolic damages of $1 in a 2017 court case; when the presumably high-flying lawyers keep stumbling over their words or bicker about who can bring treats in for the bailiffs; when Paltrow reveals her tragic losses from the accident (“I lost half a day of skiing”); when a medical expert said Sanderson could no longer enjoy wine tastings after the crash; and, last but not least, when Paltrow blinks.
Memes have labelled the Gwyneth Paltrow trial, “true crime yassified for gay men”, suggested Ryan Murphy “couldn’t give Gwyneth Paltrow a show this good”, or compared it to a Mike White script. One person said a photo of Paltrow in Jeffrey Dahmer-esque glasses looked like the actor was “on trial in 1987 for hiring a hitman to kill her husband”.
The trial is still ongoing, and if you’re to believe Sanderson’s claims that the collision has had a detrimental impact on his life, then the case isn’t at all funny. Yet, it does seem as if several people involved are trying to make it appear as trivial and absurd as possible. Paltrow can’t stop smirking, both lawyers come across as comedically inept, and the fallout from the crash centres on wine and the ruining of “what was a very expensive vacation”.
It’s elaborate, it’s theatrical, it’s everything we’ve come to expect from Gwyneth Paltrow – and it’s absolutely impossible to switch off.