The Greater Philadelphia area’s new non-profit horror organization dedicated to supporting indie horror, Delco Horror Haven, hosted their second film premiere event this past Saturday with the screening of Porch Pirate. This is the first full-length feature film from the Philly-based Baby Goblin Productions.

Porch Pirate tells the story of young, low-rent thief Bobby (Dru Montana, the ‘Durag and the Deertag’ Podcast), who is duped into stealing packages from the houses of unsuspecting families in the suburbs by his friend and literal partner-in-crime Ray (Geoff Colella). Ray presents his business as “legitimate,” and Bobby goes along with it although the gig is obviously illegal and both are on parole. The duo’s racket is to sell their stolen goods to shady local pawn shop owner Mike (Mike Salvi, Mistransaction), who takes advantage of them by buying for a fraction of the items’ worth—like every pawn shop dealer in the history of pawn shopping.

After failing to steal some packages, Bobby is able to snag a mysterious box from a house owned by middle-class couple Andy (Shaun Abel, Domestic Bliss) and Linda (Tara Beavers, Yester-Years). Once they finish scoring some more stolen wares, Ray joins Bobby back at his sister Delia’s (Ellie Summerling, Backside Comedy) house, who is royally pissed that Bobby has brought all of this contraband into her home. Although they have a genuinely loving relationship, Bobby and Delia are a bit different from one another. Delia appears to maintain both a stable job and equally stable lifestyle (she even enjoys popcorn with a glass of Cabernet– a dinner combo of champions!), but she fears being sucked into the void with them because she is now ultimately an accomplice.

Soon Delia’s fears become the least of her concerns once Bobby and her notice a strange red liquid oozing out of the box Bobby stole from the middle-class couple. And yes, you guessed it, that red liquid is blood. The package’s leakage is the first domino to fall in a chain of events that includes learning the box’s content, attempts to return the package and other shenanigans. Se7en might be best known for the question and subsequent meme “What’s in the Box?!” but Porch Pirate goes the extra mile showing you what’s in the box and all the ensuing havoc.

Writer-Director Dorian Vasquez shot his film to look and feel just like a low budget B-movie that you’d find in a Mom ‘n’ Pop VHS shop back in the day, with weird lighting, random cuts and all the standard B-movie fixtures. Or another comparison for Porch Pirate would be a film shown in the last late morning timeslot during USA’s Up All Night, where Gilbert Gottfried or Rhonda Shear were only doing voiceovers for the bumpers. And that, dear readers, is not an insult at all. They used to air some underrated low budget gems during that 3am timeslot that Vinegar Syndrome currently sells (and sells out of) for almost $30.

What Porch Pirate lacks in budget, it more than makes up for in plot originality, story interest and enticing characters. It definitely has its own vibe that could be a catalyst into being a cult status prospect, if enough people get their eyes on it. While the film is promoted as a suspense-thriller and delivers on those elements, a key driver to this film’s entertainment are the portions of intended comedy stemming from the ad-libbing of the main stars during certain scenes.

All of the actors provide fun performances and display great chemistry, which is not all that common to find in B-movies. And that is because (fun fact alert!) all the actors in this horror film, sans the middle-class couple, are actually stand-up comedians and comedy podcasters local to the Tri-State area (yes, Philadelphia counts nowadays). The combination of their genuine comedic talents, improv game and reactions to each other is on-point, with the comedy not landing in the realm of corniness or just straight up being cheesy.

During the Q&A session, Vasquez announced that alongside the upcoming in-person screenings, Porch Pirate will be debuting soon to Tubi, but you can watch it now on Reveel. This is definitely a film that is worth checking out if you are a fan of indie filmmaking with a unique twist.

Meanwhile, Delco Horror Haven’s next film premiere screening is on August 19 at The Towne House in Media, PA with 12 to Midnight—starring Daniel Roebuck and Tito Ortiz.