My manager told me to stop helping a (supposedly) underperforming coworker. What are my options?

Question

A bit of background

I'm a junior female developer working for a telecommunications company. Shortly after I started, another young woman joined the team. Our manager sat us together with the intention of doing some pair programming. As we are the only two women in the team and we have similar interests, we soon became very close. Our tasks are mostly bug fixes and small non-critical new features on a legacy system that will be replaced in a not so distant future.

However, as the system we work on lacks any kind of documentation and neither the senior developers nor our manager are always available to help, we sometimes make mistakes. Most of the time one of us spots them, but there have been a few times where not even testing noticed, and everything blew up in production. Last time it happened our manager decided to split the team, and placed us in different areas of the building. We cannot see each other as frequently as we used to.

What happened

Last week our manager approached me. He was curious about some changes that were applied without his permission. When I made clear that none of my tasks involved the files in question, he had a meeting with my coworker in a nearby office. It was a heated and loud discussion, in which he accused her of various nasty things I didn't know and didn't want to know. By the next day the whole department knew about their argument, which got worse after she reported him to management, who in turn called him out for his outburst. After that, he told me and the other developers nearby that we "have to let her make her own mistakes", and explicitly told me to not help her in any possible way.

Now, it's clear to me our manager is evaluating her performance with caution, even gathering evidence in case he decides to put her in a PIP (Performance Improvement Plan). While I know this is not my business, my coworker still asks me for help, and I'm running out of excuses. At first I told her I was busy, or suggested to look at my notes (which are located in a shared drive) or to have a look at the code itself, but I'm afraid that she doesn't take the hint.

How do I stop her or convince her to stop asking for help after I've been told to let her work on her own, without sounding rude, malicious, or that I want her to be fired?

Edit: I talked with our manager at that time, and he brushed off my concerns saying "just tell her you're busy". Just in case, we've updated our résumés and started browsing job sites.

---

I know there are questions like What can I do to make a coworkers lack of effort more visible?, but IMO they focus in whether the OPs should report their coworkers to their Managers, and not how to deal with this kind of behaviour.

---

Update: A few days ago I came back from my vacation and to my surprise I found out there was a reorg while I was away. The whole team was relocated to another floor, the PM resigned, my manager was returned to his old developer role (apparently by his own request) and my friend and the head of Testing put in their notice on the same day. I don't know if all these changes (especially my manager's demotion) are consequence of the incident, but it seems to be resolved.

Answer 1

Don't make excuses. Tell your coworker what is going on. Say:

Our manager has explicitly told all of us not to give you any help in any way.

Anything else is covering up for your manager and lying to your colleague and friend. Your manager may of course find out you said this and may not be pleased. If you don't want to risk that, you'll just have to keep lying.

It's up to you of course, but if you are as displeased with this approach as I would be, you might consider approaching HR or other managers (possibly the ones who called out your manager) and tell them what you've been asked to do. They may be as displeased with your manager's approach as you are. Having employees not help each other is rarely beneficial for the company.

I would also pay attention to Telastyn's answer. This has many of the signs of being retaliatory, especially if your colleague has shown no signs of underperforming until now. It's a good idea to check that the company knows about, and agrees with, your manager's actions.

If you feel like it, you might consider meeting up with your colleague out of hours and offsite to give her some advice. Your manager has no right to control what you do out of work hours - although that may not stop him finding some way to get back at you if he finds out.

EDIT:Several people have suggested asking your manager what you should say. However my default position is that it's OK to pass on relevant information to colleagues unless I've been asked not to. Better to be able to tell your manager "I didn't know you wanted this kept secret" that to deliberately disobey them. And if the manager asked me to lie without a good reason I probably wouldn't. But this is something you have to decide for yourself.

Answer 2

I am going to take a slightly different view of your problem. So, to summarize:

• Your boss acted inappropriately towards an employee.
• That employee (rightly) reported this misbehavior to HR.
• As a consequence, your boss told you not to help that employee do their job.

This is retaliation. I would report this behavior to HR. Depending on the sort of inappropriateness in the original argument (and jurisdiction), retaliating against this employee for talking to HR is illegal.

Regardless, it is vile, and the added possibility of sexual bias only makes it worse.

Answer 3

Edit:

Let me be clear: There are some vague details here. There is probably more going on in this situation, and obviously the story from OP is only from their point of view, so we cannot know the manager's point of view. I have a problem with how this and other things was handled by the manager because of the following statements.

Last time it happened our Manager decided to split the team, and placed us in different areas of the building.

What? Why? What good does this do?

It was a heated and loud discussion, in which he accused her of various nasty things ...

Not something that any manager should so, regardless of what justification they could have. Does it happen? Sure, but that doesn't mean it's the right thing. This should happen behind closed doors, and it's part of the manager's job to stay calm and professional about it.

After that, he told me and the other developers nearby that we "have to let her make her own mistakes", and explicitly told me to not help her in any possible way.

Again, what good can come from this? Maybe it's a good play politically for the manager, but it's not something that a good manager would do. My opinion, obviously.

---

Apparently the developer in question (let's call her 'Sally') made a mistake. Was it something that was quietly added to the codebase and actively hidden from testers, management, etc., or was it a 'fix' that simply didn't get mentioned? Who knows, and it doesn't really matter, because it's not the OP's business to decide or act on that, other than possibly notifying the manager if she suspects it's the former.

My original answer below is to illustrate that the answer to

My manager told me to stop helping an underperforming coworker. How can I do that without appearing to sabotage her?

Is you shouldn't have to, and you should talk to HR to

1. Make sure they know how this manager is 'managing' the team.
2. Ask them how you should deal with the situation.

Despite whatever happened with 'Sally', the OP should not be expected to lie to a coworker (even a slight lie as 'tell her you're busy') at the instruction from a manager.

This does not address disciplinary action that should / should not be implemented against Sally due to her own actions. It's entirely plausible that she was totally at fault and should be fired, suspended, demoted, or whatever for violating company policy/protocol; hard to tell from where I'm sitting. Regardless, I don't believe the reaction from management was appropriate.

end of edit

---

You said:

Now, it's clear to me our Manager is evaluating her performance with caution, even gathering evidence in case he decides to put her in a PIP.

It's pretty clear to me that your manager is most certainly gathering evidence and working toward getting rid of the other person. Explaining that "we have to let her own mistakes" is not-so-subtle language for "if you continue to help her, I'll never be able to argue that she can't perform her job and get rid of her". Any manager worth their salt would expect the team to give extra help to the 'weak link' if you will, bringing them up to the level of the other team members.

The best thing in these cases is almost always communication. I would first talk with HR and ask how they recommend handling the situation. They are already aware of the problem that exists between your manager and the other person, and should be able to tell you if what your manager told you to do is acceptable or not. You should be able to work out with a representative from that department how you can meet with them privately, maybe even on your own time, if you're concerned about how your manager would take knowing about the meeting.

Developers frequently make changes that more senior staff are not aware of: it's only an issue when those changes don't go well. I would guess that your manager probably had a similar, painful conversation with their boss, and simply let the 'sh*t roll downhill' if you will. Part of your job as a developer is fixing bugs when you find them, and I doubt that your manager wants to be aware of every small change you make: they've likely got a lot more to worry about. Bugs happen; if they didn't, there would be a lot less need for developers.

IMHO, your manager handled this poorly and now has a grudge against your co-worker. Even if you did continue to help your co-worker, it can be difficult or impossible to change someone's mind about another person who they feel has slighted them, as your boss seems to feel after having management talk to them about their 'outburst'. Once you talk to HR you'll know how this is going to play out. Either they will counsel him to tell the rest of your team to disregard his earlier instructions, or they will counsel you to do what your manager said. Either way, as long as you can talk to them confidentially, your manager won't have anything to hold against you.

Answer 4

@GeoffAtkins has the right idea. Go to your manager and ask him what you should say to her when she asks for help. You really should do that at the time when a manager asks you to do something like this until you gain some confidence in what to say. I would likely have said something to the effect of I was asked by my boss to stay out of the situation (but then I know how my boss thinks and what he would want me to say.).

In the future, stop trying to communicate through hints. This is a sure loser over time. People don't get hints.

Answer 5

The manager is out of line, unless it's in your job description to tell lies, don't do it. I'd just say I can't help her because I've been told not to. I wouldn't go in to detail she can work that out for herself.

You're hired to do a job, not get involved in people's personal issues, or tell lies, or keep secrets, or take sides. Just do your job.

Answer 6

Two things concern me. First is the way you characterize your coworker. Your question implies that she does have a performance problem ("underperforming coworker"), but your narrative seems undecided.

Second, I think you're mixing up two very important issues:

• Whether or not your manager is retaliating against a co-worker
• Whether or not your co-worker has a performance issue that might be affecting your (or your team's) performance

You need to separate your personal and professional relationships with this co-worker for a moment and ask yourself a fundamental question: Can your co-worker do her job adequately on her own, without your help?

You mention that she "keeps coming back" to you for help, and also that the manager has explicitly told the group to stop helping her. And your manager physically separated you after a production error.

Typically, a big, embarrassing team error is when a manager would foster increased communications/ collaboration between team members by bringing them closer. The fact that he did the exact opposite makes me wonder if he blamed the mistakes on too much personal interaction.

So...I think what you've got either way is a very clumsy manager who needs a lot of coaching (or to become an individual contributor). More important, HR needs to get to the bottom of your co-worker's performance to really understand how to proceed.

If she really is underperforming and coming to you for help because she can't do her job, your manager is right, however badly he's making the point. She needs to make her own mistakes and either be coached until she can perform on her own or moved out of the role.

If she can't do the job, you're not helping her by masking the problem and you might even be contributing to her eventual termination. If a good manager can figure out where she's lacking, s/he can add some coaching/training or even switch her role to make her successful...once the problem is diagnosed. The co-worker has to be working on her own for that to happen.

And remember, you're probably also not helping your own performance, because you also have a job to do and you can't do it if you're doing hers.

If your co-worker is NOT underperforming, then the manager's actions need to stop and HIS performance needs examination.

So...start with an honest look at what your co-worker is doing and how it affects your work, and then let your good sense (and morals) take it from there.

Answer 7

Early in my career I had a similar situation. A co-worker who I got on well with was essentially targeted, maybe similarly to yours...she did her job well enough but wasn't stellar. People slowly drifted away from dealing with her because...well, because we all need a job esp. if the economy is not good and some managers have long memories.

I ended up going to lunch with her and explaining that I felt she was being evaluated with an eye to getting rid of her. She was not surprised. I also went on to explain that I wished to continue working where I was, under our boss, and therefore I would be distancing myself just as others had - but that if she needed a reference for another opportunity I would be happy to provide. She understood and in the end I did provide a reference to her. I gave her a truthful explanation, we discussed a little what she was planning to do (move on) and she appreciated the honesty. We were 'work friends', not 'friend' friends.

Answer 8

There's just one point that hasn't been addressed yet: If this goes on for a while, she figures things out on her own, and complains to HR, you will be in trouble for participating.

What you've been doing so far is to intentionally sabotage an employee with the intent to get rid of her - at least that's how HR might see it.

Coordinated mobbing of an employee with the intent to get rid of her can result in significant costs and bad press for a company, so HR needs to prevent that. One of the ways to do that is to set an example if someone is caught doing it.

Absolutely worst case, your manager weasels his way out of this and manages to convince them you've done this on your own initiative - if he doesn't do that, he might get fired.

By letting HR know early, in writing, you are protecting yourself. Don't use strong words like "mobbing", just tell them what you've been asked to do, like you told us.

Answer 9

For what it's worth: you say that you and your colleague are close. If they're your friend, help them anyway.

This does not replace any advice about reporting the manager, or telling her the truth.

Answer 10

Personally I'd tell my friend exactly what's going on, she'll know why your not being more helpful, and it will help her make better decisions. If you think you want to keep working with her going forward absolutely keep helping her, managers come and go, but your professional network is forever.

You don't want to burn bridges with the people you like, for the sake of people you don't like.

Lastly, this won't be the last time this comes up, it sounds like your manager has a temper and will be alienating a lot of people in the course of his career. So if you back him now, your probably going to be put in this situation again.