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The Workplace

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  • Agree with everything except saying that standing up for yourself is rude. If this employee doesn't understand (willingly or not) the basics of workplace interaction, then you are completely in the right for doing/saying these things or much more. I'm very sorry that women are so often put in the position of deciding whether they can stand up for themselves or not without repercussions. It's not fair and it's not right. I'm gay and and if I did half the things to this guy that he's done to OP, I guarantee he would not be concerned about whether he was rude or not.
    – thumbtackthief
    Commented Mar 16, 2017 at 19:24
  • 3
    The issue is that people feeling uncomfortable often don't express that discomfort because it feels rude. Telling them "it isn't rude" is less helpful than you think. Telling them yes, it can be rude to talk that bluntly and to announce that you know their motivations and what they are hinting but in this case such rudeness is ok is, in my opinion, helpful. So I did.
    – Kate Gregory
    Commented Jul 6, 2017 at 14:27
  • I'm never going to get on board with saying that standing up firmly against sexual harassment is rude in any way, but whatever works for you.
    – thumbtackthief
    Commented Jul 6, 2017 at 14:47
  • My guess is you have not been socialized to believe that standing up for yourself and taking your fair share is rude, that you should demur, that you should not make a scene and so on. Demanding that those who have been raised that way think just like you is not helpful. Acknowledging how they think and encouraging them to take the action we both agree on regardless of that thinking, that actually changes things. Whereas your approach leaves her stuck at "I can't do that, it would be a rude response to what might have been meant harmlessly."
    – Kate Gregory
    Commented Jul 6, 2017 at 15:07
  • 1
    "give this person a loud clear NO every time. "Please don't touch me."" "Please" is for requests. This is not a request. This is a demand. And it should not be presented as referring just to the current incident. "Do not touch me. EVER." "give your boss a chance to get through to his friend." The only "getting though" that the boss should have to do is to say "If you touch OP again, you'll be fired. Period."
    – Acccumulation
    Commented Dec 21, 2020 at 1:03