"My husband doesn’t want to work and keeps drinking, smoking all day"

Query: My husband moved to Australia without us to build a career there but things didn’t work out and now he’s back. But the person who has come back is someone I don’t know! He’s gone in a shell and I don’t know how to help him. He doesn’t even want to work and keeps drinking and smoking all day.
Expert advice by Aanchal Narang, Founder and Therapist at Another Light Counselling: As things didn’t work out for him in Australia, there might be a constant weight of failure that could lead to feelings of sadness.Failure leads to self-doubt (feeling not good enough, questioning his capabilities, believing he is useless) and anxiety which might prevent him from working again.
Failure could also be a pre-existing insecurity and trigger that has been exacerbated due to recent events. Since people asking about his work could be a trigger for him, he must be trying to avoid them and be on his own. Men have a gendered societal pressure to provide for their families which must be adding to his despair. Often, people turn to substances for comfort when they don’t have the capacity to process their pain. If you show him compassion and faith, it might help his self-doubts and motivate him. If he continues to feel worse and his appetite and sleep get affected, encourage him to start consulting a traumainformed therapist.
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