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    Have you tried to open your laptop up and go through the steps to reset its firmware settings (NVRAM/"CMOS"), just in case it's hitting some bugs while trying to find a nonexistent boot entry? What happens if you hold the usual keys while powering on the system (which will often bypass EFI "fast boot")? Commented Aug 27, 2023 at 14:45
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    You could use TestDisk to recover the EFI partition.
    – harrymc
    Commented Aug 27, 2023 at 15:11
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    EFI partition doesn't need to be 2GB, just the max size required for a distro plus 100MB for Windows. 512MB is what Arch recommends to cover all UEFI firmware implementations, so 627MB RAW would be the max required (the most I've seen a distro require is 768MB). Do you have CSM [Legacy] Mode enabled, as if no EFI boot options are detected, usually either UEFI firmware error screen shows or the EFI CLI shell appears (CSM Mode should never be enabled, as it' sole purpose was to support distros circa <2017 that didn't yet support EFI boot)
    – JW0914
    Commented Aug 27, 2023 at 15:42
  • It is vastly easier and safer to use virtual machines. These problems do not occur,
    – anon
    Commented Aug 27, 2023 at 15:49
  • “I suppose the menus were actually EFI executables that were in that first partition which get ran after the firmware startup, but since I deleted it, it can no longer access them.” - No, the EFI partition didn’t have executables. You absolutely should be able to reach the UEFI menus. Your idea of taking an IC out of your laptop and putting it I. Your desktop absolutely will not work
    – Ramhound
    Commented Aug 27, 2023 at 16:09