Don’t play Fate
If you want complete control of your character, Fate is not your system. There are many other RPGs available - find one that fits.
It seems like you have a red-green morality problem. Fate is very good at certain types of gameplay and very bad at others. What you want doesn’t really fit itinto Fate’s paradigm. Fate explicitly interferes with player autonomy, if that makes you uncomfortable, play something else. I don’t really like horror movies, therefore, I rarely watch them.
Alternatively …
Aspects in Fate reminds me of an old joke:
“Would you sleep with me for $1,000,000?”
“Maybe”
“Would you sleep with me for $1?”
“Of course not! What kind of person do you think I am?”
“We’ve established what kind of person you are, now we’re just negotiating the price.”
If you create an aspect, you’ve established what kind of person you are. If you aren’t that kind of person, don’t establish that aspect.
“The spice must flow”
Fate simply doesn’t work if there isn’t a free and rapid exchange of fate points. One player who hoards because they’re scared out of their wits of being compelled on a particular aspect breaks this.
