You are not some one who at this time in life should be responsible for any animal, my suggestion would be to take it to a rescue centre and let them know what you have done. A lot of animals come into rescue after being abused and it takes years for them to trust ... or even never. I have two rescue dogs, one only trusts certain types of men (generally older or less "Alpha" type men) and even that takes time, its been 3 years and this wont change, but he is totally fine with kids and women... and the other is just plain scared of every human she meets, she will just piss her self and cower every time she meets a new human, we have had her 4 months and she is improving, but if i touch her in the wrong place at the wrong moment or say the wrong thing in the wrong tone she will piss her self. Its really sad to watch and breaks my heart every time. She is learning, but its taking time and love...
My suggestion is to go away and learn about positive reinforcement with animals, then volunteer at a rescue centre, find a centre that uses this method and give them full disclosure on what you have done and you wish to learn and atone for what you have done, they will most likely be wary of you and shadow you for months, but what you will learn is how to respect animals. Having an animal is a privilege and not a right, you dontdon't own it, but you are responsible for its happiness and well being. Perhaps seeing and helping animals that have been abused (some perhaps far worse than what you have done) will help you make amends for what you have done and at least you will find peace.
Please dontdon't hurt the cat again, it is a living breathing animal that just wants to live, just like you.
