Most people would say youryou're on your way to being a psychopath, but I can tell you youryou're not, because of the compassion you display, remorse even,even; true psycho'spsychos do not display such qualms, you. You have an unresolved issue, traumatic, maybe childhood based, maybe an unresolved state of 'learned helplessness'helplessness,' and you may have simple rejection issues due to one or some broken relationships, but be aware you need to address yourself quickly or the situation with the cat will manifest itself into something a lot more severe, for you, and for the cat. You have been advised, this is from research and self-experience.
If you can't get past these actions, re-home the cat, and don't be an animal carer again.and And be sure not to let this behaviour slip in tointo your mainstream life, I've-relationships. In relationships with others, you may have unconscious anger issues again, most probableprobably an incident in childhood or adolescence. I've tried to be honest here and I'm not a flake, your obvious desire to change this behaviour IS VERY encouraging but there is a little danger here for you and possibly others close to you.you You won't automatically link the anger from the cat incidents to the REAL underlying reason why you actually chose to act out in this way. Please live with peace and love in youyour heart, and project this in the things you choose to do in life from now on, and if you start to confront this you will feel, and will be, a better human being for it.
I'm jazzeroo and I fought my way back from a similar place many many years ago, in similar circumstances, and the rejection is a TRIGGER. You have been advised.I I wish peace.love, love and light in your life.