Timeline for How can I fix my relationship with my 7 month old cat after I've constantly abused her the past month?
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9 events
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| Oct 30, 2018 at 8:17 | comment | added | Ister | @Henry I don't know in details how it works and I would be far from comparing it to the way we make our patterns (you can say "it was third time this week, I'll not talk to that guy ever again"). My guess is it's more on the instinct level. If something (meeting a particular person) causes danger (of abuse) and this pattern repeats on a regular basis it becomes imprinted into instinct to avoid what causes danger. Yet if a person, who in general cares for you and gives you the attention, sometimes does something bad, you only need to punish them (thus angry look or lack of your presence) | |
| Oct 29, 2018 at 19:18 | comment | added | Henry | @Ister - I understand what you're saying and agree with it. I wonder though how cats mentally distinguish between isolated incidents and an ongoing pattern of abuse like that described by the OP. I don't know if they associate it with time like we do and essentially think "He was nasty to me once (or for a few minutes) so I'm going to forgive him)" - versus "he's been nasty for DAYS now so I won't forgive him ever" - or is their thought process very different? I am reluctant to anthropomorphize cats by assuming they're just like humans in this regard. We just don't know how they think. | |
| Oct 29, 2018 at 11:22 | comment | added | Ister | Continued .. back all the love lost during all that time we were "on speaking terms". Yet the cat that was constantly and regularly abused has now imprinted fear and vigilance so it's much more difficult to repair such relationship. I fully agree with the answer - it is worth to do it. And requires a lot of patience. | |
| Oct 29, 2018 at 11:20 | comment | added | Ister | @Henry there's a huge difference between occasional, accidental situations like that and a constant, deliberate abuse. I currently have 3 cats and it's obvious that something happens sometimes. Be it claw cutting, going to a vet, leaving the cats for a week while I go on a trip, sitting on a cat that hid on a bed under a blanked (I do check but well) or crash into a cat that is at a near-speed-of-light (of course it is my fault). Those cause some blaming looks at me or even ignoring me for half an hour (few hours if I was away) but are soon forgotten and replaced with trying to get | |
| Oct 28, 2018 at 21:47 | comment | added | Henry | Continued.... intent and those made by accident or "for their own good" so maybe that's why these various transgressions got forgiven so quickly. I don't know if a cat will forgive the OPs abuse - ever - but I concur with the others that the OP needs to seek professional help and should find this cat a better home. We can only hope the cat eventually recovers a trust in human beings or at least one special human being. | |
| Oct 28, 2018 at 21:44 | comment | added | Henry | Continued.... Just this afternoon, I clipped a large matt from my brother's cat which he hasn't bothered to attend to. Since she tolerated that - guardedly - I thought I'd try trimming her claws but she was NOT willing to let that happen and scratched my hand. Then she left the room, seeming not to want anything to do with me. But a half hour later, she hopped on my lap, signalled that she wanted stroking, got a minute or two of stroking, then curled up for a nap; she's been on my lap for a couple of hours now. I don't know if cats can correctly distinguish between acts made with malicious.... | |
| Oct 28, 2018 at 21:40 | comment | added | Henry | I have been close to several cats in my life and I have found that they forgave my transgressions against them fairly quickly, although mine were of the accidental variety, not deliberate abuse. For instance, I sat on one cat when he was a kitten. He was black and he curled up in my dark blue office chair one day just a few days after I'd gotten him. I wasn't expecting him there and sat on him. He protested but quickly forgave me. On another occasion, I stepped on him in the dark but quickly forgave me. I inadvertently caused a apparently seizure in one of my cats but she too forgave me. | |
| Oct 26, 2018 at 21:50 | review | First posts | |||
| Oct 26, 2018 at 22:30 | |||||
| Oct 26, 2018 at 21:46 | history | answered | the romanian guy | CC BY-SA 4.0 |