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3 month update
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3 months later.

Today I logged in for the first time in 3 months, and I'm disappointed. I had hoped that it would not require legal action for Monica to get a basic apology, but that's exactly what it took. Now both Monica and SE are under a gag agreement, so it is safe to assume that there will be no further updates and thus no real resolution for the community. Monica has still not been reinstated.

I missed my 10th anniversary. It's not a big deal, but it has caused me to reflect.

I've always been a stickler for the rules because I believed that they were crafted and policed by the community itself (at least the active part of it) and that they were what united us and focused our efforts. In an environment where nearly anything is possible, this shared vision was needed to prevent the community from tearing itself apart. But some very fundamental changes have taken place. Slowly at first, but now in much more tangible ways, requiring a change in my approach to this site.

My 10th Anniversary Resolutions

It's a new decade for me, in more than one sense, and I have made some new resolutions:

  • I will focus on fellow users going forward. I will not rage quit, nor will I make a fuss about the status quo on meta. Instead, I will do my best to be a good neighbor and an honest citizen in this community.

    I will answer questions that I feel are interesting. I will ask questions that I feel are useful. I will leave constructive and helpful comments.

    I will do my best to avoid trouble, but I'm not going to go out of my way to keep up-to-date on the "rules" either.

    I will not worry about what a corporation thinks of my behavior, which is how I will think of Stack Overflow Inc from now on. I'll do what I think is right and, so long as the corporation doesn't kick me out, I'll continue contributing content.

  • As the corporation has demonstrated that it has no real loyalty to the community and especially the community-elected leadership, I will no longer extend my loyalty to it.

    I will suspend most moderation activities for the foreseeable future, including the review queue, to which I contributed infrequently anyway; and close votes, down voting and flags which, combined, I cast frequently.

    As the corporation has taken direct ownership of the rules without regard for the community's input, and as it has taken on the mantle of summarily casting judgment on volunteers without regard for pre-existing procedures or precedent, it only makes sense that the rule-enforcement tasks now also belong to the corporation. I will no longer volunteer for what should be, under these new circumstances, a paid position. I'm sure that others will step up as mods, diamond or otherwise. Hopefully the corporation will pay them like employees since it has certainly started treating them as such.

I think, too, that this will be my last contribution to Meta. I have enjoyed posting here and on the SO meta and I hope some of my contributions have been helpful. To those who plan to continue fighting for a voice, I wish you well. I do hope that at some point the corporation might have a change of heart, but I will not hold my breath.

3 months later.

Today I logged in for the first time in 3 months, and I'm disappointed. I had hoped that it would not require legal action for Monica to get a basic apology, but that's exactly what it took. Now both Monica and SE are under a gag agreement, so it is safe to assume that there will be no further updates and thus no real resolution for the community. Monica has still not been reinstated.

I missed my 10th anniversary. It's not a big deal, but it has caused me to reflect.

I've always been a stickler for the rules because I believed that they were crafted and policed by the community itself (at least the active part of it) and that they were what united us and focused our efforts. In an environment where nearly anything is possible, this shared vision was needed to prevent the community from tearing itself apart. But some very fundamental changes have taken place. Slowly at first, but now in much more tangible ways, requiring a change in my approach to this site.

My 10th Anniversary Resolutions

It's a new decade for me, in more than one sense, and I have made some new resolutions:

  • I will focus on fellow users going forward. I will not rage quit, nor will I make a fuss about the status quo on meta. Instead, I will do my best to be a good neighbor and an honest citizen in this community.

    I will answer questions that I feel are interesting. I will ask questions that I feel are useful. I will leave constructive and helpful comments.

    I will do my best to avoid trouble, but I'm not going to go out of my way to keep up-to-date on the "rules" either.

    I will not worry about what a corporation thinks of my behavior, which is how I will think of Stack Overflow Inc from now on. I'll do what I think is right and, so long as the corporation doesn't kick me out, I'll continue contributing content.

  • As the corporation has demonstrated that it has no real loyalty to the community and especially the community-elected leadership, I will no longer extend my loyalty to it.

    I will suspend most moderation activities for the foreseeable future, including the review queue, to which I contributed infrequently anyway; and close votes, down voting and flags which, combined, I cast frequently.

    As the corporation has taken direct ownership of the rules without regard for the community's input, and as it has taken on the mantle of summarily casting judgment on volunteers without regard for pre-existing procedures or precedent, it only makes sense that the rule-enforcement tasks now also belong to the corporation. I will no longer volunteer for what should be, under these new circumstances, a paid position. I'm sure that others will step up as mods, diamond or otherwise. Hopefully the corporation will pay them like employees since it has certainly started treating them as such.

I think, too, that this will be my last contribution to Meta. I have enjoyed posting here and on the SO meta and I hope some of my contributions have been helpful. To those who plan to continue fighting for a voice, I wish you well. I do hope that at some point the corporation might have a change of heart, but I will not hold my breath.

Bounty Ended with 100 reputation awarded by Monica Cellio
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I've really struggled with how or whether to respond to this. I think others have already expressed my feelings in one way or another, but I fear that maybe SE will miss the message if they don't hear it from enough people.

For background, I'm a pretty active user; nearly 10 year veteran; top 2% on SO; I participate on Meta; vote in mod elections; attend SE events; have SO stickers on my computer; and fill out those developer surveys. I'm not a mod. The closest I came was considering running once. I'm just a slightly above average regular user who cares about this site, sometimes maybe more than I should.

We’ll keep those discussions completely private unless we both agree to share any of it with the community.

First, you need a better and more public apology for Monica. I'm glad that you finally figured out that this process should have been private from the beginning, but that ship has sailed. You dragged a moderator's name and reputation through the mud... you gave up the luxury of privacy. I can understand why SE corporate would really like to hide this now that it's blown up, but you can't just wish this away from public view, especially not under the guise of suddenly caring about Monica's privacy.

You need to apologize to Monica, by name, for failing to follow a fair process and jumping to judgment too quickly, and you need to put it out as a press release. Then, and only then, can you move forward with private conversations. At the very least, let Monica decide whether she wants a public apology. I bet that she'll be more gracious than you have been.

Worse, through our handling of this situation, we made them a target for harassment as people debated their right to express themselves and be addressed according to how they identify.

Moral zealotry leads to collateral damage, always. Your intentions were honorable, but I see nothing in this apology that recognizes that the root issue here was an attempt to micro-manage a very diverse community under the pretentious and patronizing notion that a group of people needed your protection.

It's commendable to encourage honest and open dialogue, to give everyone a voice and to draw boundaries around acceptable forms of communication. But you simply cannot force everyone to speak with the same voice. Human dialogue is too complicated, diverse and nuanced to be neatly categorized by some rather ham-fisted guidelines. You have to be careful with those boundaries; the narrower you make them, the more they start to look like you and your culture and no one else's, and that creates division. You drove a wedge in our community where one was not needed.

I know we have lost the trust of many of you, and that trust must be re-earned over time by more than just words.

This, I think, is the truest thing you said. It's taken me a couple days to realize it, too. Because I really want to trust you, and it really hurts that I no longer do. I want this apology to be sufficient, but I don't really trust your sense of discernment or propriety going forward.

In short, I'm going to take a 3 month break from Stack Exchange in protest.

I'm just one developer and I rarely represent the majority. But I just want you to know that I'm logging out for the first time in almost 10 years, and I want you to know why.

I really hope that corporate reinstates Monica and issues the public apology she is still owed.

I really want SE and SO to succeed and include everyone who is willing to work in a diverse community. I hope the new CoC can be crafted without forcing divisions between people with amicable aims, who are willing to reasonably compromise, who can respectfully and even lovingly agree to disagree, even if that's not always comfortable.

I hope that the SE I log back into in 3-6 months is a better version than the one I've seen this past week.