Return to Answer

I've been asked a few times why I stood down as a moderator on Meta Stack Exchange. The simple, honest answer is simply that... I'm tired. The past few days has been an emotional roller coaster.

I've actually tried to update this post a few times over the past few weeks. Words have power, and I figured the right ones might make a difference. I'm pretty sure folks have noticed I'm back. There's been a few comments and edit attempts that made me aware.

I would love to go everything down there ⬇ is ok. That everything I talked about is resolved, and meta's one big happy family. It isn't. One issue has been settled (and there's still a few things that need sorting out in the wake of that) - but a few more might not be.

I've been an active part of this and other communities for a while. Its still a repository of our collective knowledge - I'd almost say our Library of Alexandria and I would not have it burn.

But yeah, the other mods were here through the worst of it - and well, I didn't want to stand by when they handled this (and they're a really good team, considering the sheer amount of emotion we had to contend with). Besides - I hate leaving things undone.

So yeah, if anyone is still wondering, I'm back as a moderator here.

I've been asked a few times why I stood down as a moderator on Meta Stack Exchange. The simple, honest answer is simply that... I'm tired. The past few days has been an emotional roller coaster.

I've been asked a few times why I stood down. The simple, honest answer is simply that... I'm tired. The past few days has been an emotional roller coaster.

As a moderator, I've always felt an essential part of my role was to bring a community together. To help build bridges, and to heal rifts. To let folks know before lines are crossed, so we can pull ourselves away from the brink.

Right now, I feel lost and confused. My hammer feels too heavy to pick up. I see folks at each others' throats - seeing every shadow as a threat. I wish I was up to what I feel we need. I'm not entirely sure anyone is. I'm sorry I don't even feel up to trying. Maybe some day I'll feel up to what I expect myself to be as a moderator here. For now, I'm not sure where I stand, or the community. I'd say though I'm grateful for the chance to serve, and to serve alongside some of the finest people I've had the privilege of modding with.

This isn't our finest moment. This doesn't feel like anyone's finest moment.

I'd like folks to come together and resolve differences. This isn't going to be easy. A lot of the folks involved are fine folks, but proud, and least from what I've seen, the wounds run deep.

I have my reservations of how this has happened. I'll talk to folks as I feel fit. I hope it does some good. I don't feel like everyone will listen. At my lowest, I'm not sure anyone will. But I love this community, and all I can do is try.

Lots of people are hurt. I don't dispute this. But I ask that well - sometimes we need to take the high ground. To reach out to those who hurt us, and to realise the hurt we could have caused unknowingly. If someone has hurt you, try to heal. If you can talk to them, make peace. We're much stronger than we are fighting each other.

I know a lot of people are curious about what's happening. A lot of this will likely get discussed over the coming days. I'd urge patience and empathy.

We've seen a lot of folks act as their conscience saw fit. I respect that. Resigning as a moderator feels like the only way to make a stand. Mine would be to plead for empathy.

That said, we're all stronger together. It's tempting to assign blame. To fight the folks who we fear wish to do us harm.

Maybe it's a cultural thing. I'd rather make a friend, or an ally than a scene. But as everyone can see, I'm just an ordinary person in the periphery of an extraordinarily messy situation.

I'm asking a lot. For folks to examine their biases. To make friends with people they were hurt by. But if it was easy, we'd have done it already.

I've been asked a few times why I stood down as a moderator on Meta Stack Exchange. The simple, honest answer is simply that... I'm tired. The past few days has been an emotional roller coaster.

As a moderator, I've always felt an essential part of my role was to bring a community together. To help build bridges, and to heal rifts. To let folks know before lines are crossed, so we can pull ourselves away from the brink.

Right now, I feel lost and confused. My hammer feels too heavy to pick up. I see folks at each others' throats - seeing every shadow as a threat. I wish I was up to what I feel we need. I'm not entirely sure anyone is. I'm sorry I don't even feel up to trying. Maybe some day I'll feel up to what I expect myself to be as a moderator here. For now, I'm not sure where I stand, or the community. I'd say though I'm grateful for the chance to serve, and to serve alongside some of the finest people I've had the privilege of modding with.

This isn't our finest moment. This doesn't feel like anyone's finest moment.

I'd like folks to come together and resolve differences. This isn't going to be easy. A lot of the folks involved are fine folks, but proud, and least from what I've seen, the wounds run deep.

I have my reservations of how this has happened. I'll talk to folks as I feel fit. I hope it does some good. I don't feel like everyone will listen. At my lowest, I'm not sure anyone will. But I love this community, and all I can do is try.

Lots of people are hurt. I don't dispute this. But I ask that well - sometimes we need to take the high ground. To reach out to those who hurt us, and to realise the hurt we could have caused unknowingly. If someone has hurt you, try to heal. If you can talk to them, make peace. We're much stronger than we are fighting each other.

I know a lot of people are curious about what's happening. A lot of this will likely get discussed over the coming days. I'd urge patience and empathy.

We've seen a lot of folks act as their conscience saw fit. I respect that. Resigning as a moderator feels like the only way to make a stand. Mine would be to plead for empathy.

That said, we're all stronger together. It's tempting to assign blame. To fight the folks who we fear wish to do us harm.

Maybe it's a cultural thing. I'd rather make a friend, or an ally than a scene. But as everyone can see, I'm just an ordinary person in the periphery of an extraordinarily messy situation.

I'm asking a lot. For folks to examine their biases. To make friends with people they were hurt by. But if it was easy, we'd have done it already.

I've been asked a few times why I stood down. The simple, honest answer is simply that... I'm tired. The past few days has been an emotional roller coaster.

As a moderator, I've always felt an essential part of my role was to bring a community together. To help build bridges, and to heal rifts. To let folks know before lines are crossed so we can pull ourselves away from the brink.

Right now, I feel lost and confused. My hammer feels too heavy to pick up. I see folks at each others throats - seeing every shadow as a threat. I wish I was up to what I feel we need. I'm not entirely sure anyone is. I'm sorry I don't even feel up to trying. Maybe some day I'll feel up to what I expect myself to be as a moderator here. For now, I'm not sure where I stand, or the community. I'd say though I'm grateful for the chance to serve, and to serve alongside some of the finest people I've had the privilege of modding with.

This isn't our finest moment. This doesn't feel like anyone's finest moment

I'd like folks to come together and resolve differences. This isn't going to be easy. A lot of the folks involved are fine folks, but proud, and least from what I've seen, the wounds run deep.

I have my reservations of how this has happened. I'll talk to folks as I feel fit. I hope it does some good. I don't feel like everyone will listen. At my lowest, I'm not sure anyone will. But I love this community and all I can do is try.

Lots of people are hurt. I don't dispute this. But I ask that well - sometimes we need to take the high ground. To reach out to those who hurt us, and to realise the hurt we could have caused unknowingly. If someone has hurt you, try to heal. If you can talk to them, make peace, we're much stronger than we are fighting each other.

I know a lot of people are curious about what's happening. A lot of this will likely get discussed over the coming days. I'd urge patience and empathy.

We've seen a lot of folks act as their conscience saw fit. I respect that. Resigning as a moderator feels like the only way to make a stand. Mine would be to plead for empathy

That said, we're all stronger together. Its tempting to assign blame. To fight the folks who we fear wish to do us harm.

Maybe its a cultural thing. I'd rather make a friend, or an ally than a scene. But as everyone can see, I'm just an ordinary person in the periphery of an extraordinarily messy situation.

I'm asking a lot. For folks to examine their biases. To make friends with people they were hurt by. But if it was easy, we'd have done it already.

I've been asked a few times why I stood down. The simple, honest answer is simply that... I'm tired. The past few days has been an emotional roller coaster.

As a moderator, I've always felt an essential part of my role was to bring a community together. To help build bridges, and to heal rifts. To let folks know before lines are crossed, so we can pull ourselves away from the brink.

Right now, I feel lost and confused. My hammer feels too heavy to pick up. I see folks at each others' throats - seeing every shadow as a threat. I wish I was up to what I feel we need. I'm not entirely sure anyone is. I'm sorry I don't even feel up to trying. Maybe some day I'll feel up to what I expect myself to be as a moderator here. For now, I'm not sure where I stand, or the community. I'd say though I'm grateful for the chance to serve, and to serve alongside some of the finest people I've had the privilege of modding with.

This isn't our finest moment. This doesn't feel like anyone's finest moment.

I'd like folks to come together and resolve differences. This isn't going to be easy. A lot of the folks involved are fine folks, but proud, and least from what I've seen, the wounds run deep.

I have my reservations of how this has happened. I'll talk to folks as I feel fit. I hope it does some good. I don't feel like everyone will listen. At my lowest, I'm not sure anyone will. But I love this community, and all I can do is try.

Lots of people are hurt. I don't dispute this. But I ask that well - sometimes we need to take the high ground. To reach out to those who hurt us, and to realise the hurt we could have caused unknowingly. If someone has hurt you, try to heal. If you can talk to them, make peace. We're much stronger than we are fighting each other.

I know a lot of people are curious about what's happening. A lot of this will likely get discussed over the coming days. I'd urge patience and empathy.

We've seen a lot of folks act as their conscience saw fit. I respect that. Resigning as a moderator feels like the only way to make a stand. Mine would be to plead for empathy.

That said, we're all stronger together. It's tempting to assign blame. To fight the folks who we fear wish to do us harm.

Maybe it's a cultural thing. I'd rather make a friend, or an ally than a scene. But as everyone can see, I'm just an ordinary person in the periphery of an extraordinarily messy situation.

I'm asking a lot. For folks to examine their biases. To make friends with people they were hurt by. But if it was easy, we'd have done it already.